I am 17, and I will turn 18 next November 30. But I am incredibly nervous because I have a terrible relationship with my single mother. If I make the slightest mistake, (misplacing a magazine in the house, not picking up the tiny piece of cilantro on the green lettuce-print table cloth because it blended in, etc.) she goes INSANE and screams, gets violent and says she can't wait until the day I turn 18 so I can get the hell out. I have driven myself CRAZY - obsessively scanning every nook and cranny in the rug, on the tablecloth, counters, to make sure I leave everything PERFECT. I spend 5 minutes after I leave ANY room at all turning on ALL the lights so I can look at the counters from every angle possible so I don't miss anything, and yet I always seem to miss something! My mom still thinks I "don't give a sh!t"! I can't stand living in all this pressure and I want to be ready to move out on my next birthday. how do I survive on my own w/o joining the army or being really poor?
2006-12-28 19:17:04 · 14 answers · asked by Foofy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I work from 2 to 6 everyday after school (I get out at 1:00) and 10 to 5 on Saturdays. I hate being thought of as a slob when I spend at least an hour - NOT cleaning - but INSPECTING general surfaces for anything that could set her off. I'm trying SO hard to please her, but I'm just not good with details.
2006-12-28 19:19:31 · update #1
I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. You sound like a thoughtful and caring kid. It sounds like you are doing your best in what seems to be a horrible situation.
I wonder if you Mom might be experiencing a form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, an anxiety disorder which is most commonly characterized by a subject's obsessive, distressing, intrusive thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or rituals) which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.
Please please don't blame yourself, it sounds like your Mom might be putting a lot of pressure on you. Try to find some kind of support (where your mom might receive assessment for OCD and support too). Hopefully, if you have caught it, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
But it might not be OCD. So, please try to get a professional involved to assess her. If it isn't, then you can't carry on living in this type of situation and I guess the only answer is becoming independent and trying to build up a life for yourself from scratch.
It does sound horrible though. I hope that you try to get some help for your Mom.
Warmth and Smiles.
2006-12-28 19:29:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This one is a hard question. If you truely believe she really wants you to move out at 18 start prepairing now. look for room mates etc. Plan ahead. If it is really that bad at home you will be happier living with a little less, than walking on egg shells all the time. Has this behavier of hers just began, or has it aways been this way? If it has started recently, in a calm moment just ask her Mom do you really want me out when I turn 18. See what she tells you. If she says no she doesn't. Ask her what has been stressing her so much . Just talking it out helps a great deal. Sometimes single Moms can get overwhelmed with having to do everything. And they will say many things they don't really mean. If this is not the case and she is a perfectionist next time she says this to you , I would tell her not to worrie you are making plans for the day you turn 18 also. You can apply for grants for school, live in a dorm and still work. This would not be much different from your situation now ,except you would be comfortable in your own home. Plus you would be working to improve your furture.
2006-12-29 03:44:50 · answer #2 · answered by emberly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, That's a tough one. I wish I could get my daughter just to help out some. Your mom maybe is just stressed. No excuse for her behavior to you. Single parenting is tough and It seems like she's got a good deal with you helping her. To bad she takes you for granted! Try talking to her--well you know maybe a note under her pillow so she can read it alone or leave it so she will be alone when she gets it and has time to think about your point of view. Maybe, she's scared and she's lashing out on you. Try your best which I am sure you will do! Other than that, you must have a plan and a savings account to work on saving some money for the times ahead. Good Luck! I wish you the best I was on my own at 16 and it's a tough road. I will keep you in my thoughts.
2006-12-29 05:17:33 · answer #3 · answered by Lopez 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would start planning on applying for financial aid and get into a college setting away from your mother or get into a trade to find a decent job to live on her own, find a roomate if you have to.
More importantly ask your mother to go to counseling with you. Tell her you love her and want your relationship to be better than what it is.
Another thing to think about is: most parents say those things to their teenagers (I'm also guility) but they don't really mean it. We hell for no reason sometimes because life is stressful and we are having a hard time but we still love you. Just please sit down and tell her how hurt you are when she saids things like that and tell her you are trying your best.
Good luck! and don't worry so much.
2006-12-29 05:32:19 · answer #4 · answered by LC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you have a friend or a family member who can be sympathetic to let you move in with them, the best alternative is to try to get a full time job,save the money until you can find your own place. I agree this is no way to live a life.There is a difference between being clean and being paranoid. Your mom needs help.
2006-12-29 03:32:37 · answer #5 · answered by tagara 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a part-time job, save your money, and move in with room-mates so you share expenses...
...in the mean time, for atleast the next 10 months and 20 days, treat your house like a museum, don't touch anything, don't do anything, just minimal contact...good luck
2006-12-29 03:21:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you can stop trying--nothing will work around this woman--you're only going to make the situation worse.Your going to have to go to save your sanity--she won't explode--trust me....If it is all that you say, she may need a doctor for help---or a psycologist---she sounds frustrated by loneliness. If there is a will there is a way. Go get a job or two to support yourself and move
2006-12-29 06:04:46 · answer #7 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmmm... I don't think that your mum doesn't love you... she's just a bit obsessed with cleanliness.. I know of people who are like that and that can really drive others crazy... Anyway, just make sure that this doesn't affect your studies... kkk... I assume that you are staying in S'pore rite... Since you said about going to the army...
2006-12-29 04:13:54 · answer #8 · answered by Chen F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best way is to get a job and a room mate and a cheap place to live. I wish you luck.
2006-12-29 03:19:58 · answer #9 · answered by betty_htch 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This woman - your mom, needs to grow up and realise that once you are gone, she will miss you terribly. NO - i cannot see that any mother will 'kick' her child out once they turn 18! Make her sit down and talk about it.... you will go nuts before you turn 18, if you dont do this. good luck
2006-12-29 03:21:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋