What is the BEST way to overcome "separation anxiety" for a toddler ???

Question

My 2 1/2 year old Absolutely FREAKS OUT , cries hysterically when my wife or I leave the room or area even for 1 minute ... Is this normal ???? It's not all the time but enough to be VERY upsetting and frustrating to us both !!! PLEASE HELP !
ps: we are both stay-at-home parents ( for the time being , I've been off work - on parental leave for our new-born for the past 6 months....)

Answer 1

You may want to focus on the root of the problem. Did this start when the new baby arrived? Maybe he's feeling a little awkward. Also, big changes can be very scary for a little one. And, there's not much change bigger than a new family member.

At 2.5, he should be able to tell you a little about how he's feeling. Try talking to him, let him know you are there to listen and help.

Also, maybe you can just let him wander with you. Rather than staying with him, tell him you are going into the bedroom, and he can come with you if he wants. That way, he gets to have the control over whether he'd rather... say... stay in the living room with his toys or come see where you are going. Maybe he'll even start following to see where you are going and make sure you are not leaving and then, once he's reassured he might return to his own activity.

Also, he's probably gotten very content with both of you being around all the time. Anyone going anywhere is yet another transition. Keep in mind that even if you fix this now, there might be a bit of a relapse when you return to work.

Just keep talking to him and to your partner. Try not to get frustrated (I know we all do!!! It's much easier to say!) Leave some options open to him and try and give him a little control. And, if you are out of sight, try talking to him so that he gets the idea that you haven't disappeared.

Best of luck to you with both of your children.

Answer 2

My answer is probably a long shot, so I would suggest that you take it as such, but if it winds up being true, I would feel remiss if I didn't suggest it.

I have what is called prosopagnosia, sometimes referred to as face blindness. Basically, it means that I am unable to recognize people I have seen before using the face as the primary recognition clue. While my prosopagnosia was most likely caused by a fall from my crib and subsequent stint in a coma at the age of 16 months old, other people are simply born this way. Recent research suggests that as much as 2% of the population as a whole may be affected.

The reason I mention this is because I vividly remember having separation anxiety as a toddler, at least when I became old enough to realize that maybe I could become separated and never find my parents (or whomever I was supposed to be with) again. Truthfully, I think my mother and father were more worried about this than I was, but surely it was a two-way street.

If your child is afraid that he or she will not see you again, for whatever reason, this should be a naturally expected response. Offer as much reassurance as you can that you will be back soon, and at a specific time, and make sure you keep to your word with it. At 2 1/2, your child probably has enough verbal understanding to be able to understand what you tell your child. Start out small, just a few seconds at a time, and work your way up to a few minutes. Eventually, you'll see an improvement here.

Answer 3

For some toddlers yes. 18 months until age 4 are the worst years for separation anxiety for most toddlers. With you and your wife both being home all of the time, that is what she is used to. She knows nothing else! . She is used to every time she looks up you're there. I would suggest to you that you and your wife start taking short trips out of the house. First maybe start with your wife going to the store. Do NOT ever sneak out of the house and not tell your daughter. That will create a whole new fear for her. Just calmly tell her that Mommy needs to go to the store to get groceries. Give her a hug an kiss. Show her on the clock that Mommy will be back at this time, so she will know that Mommy is coming back. Do NOT make a big deal out of it. Repeat it ONE more time ONLY. Say her name, repeat where you are going and show her what time you will retu rn on the clock and leave. It will break your heart shutting that door, but you must do this. She will throw a fit, and probably cry the entire time she is gone. It WILL get better. The parent that is left thatT day must NOT make a big deal out of who is gone as well. he next day it will be Daddy;s turn..Post Office so on... Always show her the clock. Even if you have to bring one fron your bedroom and let her hold it. Show her on the clock each time when you will return. You must start seperating some from her. I think you realize that now You two need to start having at least one day/night a week, out of the house with NO kids. Get a babysitter, Grandparents, someone to help. If you don;t start this now it will become a nightmare for you all. Good Luck

Answer 4

It is a pretty normal thing for toddlers to go through, especially if you've been around constantly lately. There isn't a whole lot you can do but wait it out. Just make your child aware every time you are leaving (don't ever sneak off), and tell her exactly when you will be back. And then the key - be there when you say you will be. If you tell here every time and you are consistant and honest about it, your child will gradually get better. If it carries on for weeks or months, talk to your prediatrician just in case. Good luck!

Answer 5

Children know which buttons to push-- it's like they're born knowing. And if they see that it's upsetting you when they freak out, they'll keep doing it. I know it's hard, but usually if you just ignore them they'll quit. A million times my daughter ( when she was 2,who is 4 now) would freak out when I'd drop her off at daycare. The daycare teachers would say that she calmed down with in 2 minutes after I left. But she was just acting like a monster because she knew I'd play into it. Take it one day at a time, and I'm sure you'll find the best thing that works for your kid. Hope it all works out....

Answer 6

My 3 year old is very close to his dad. He has seperation anxiety when my spouse has to leave the room or to go to the bathroom or when he has to go to work, etc... Like when we're out with other people and my spouse has to go somewheres for a minute, my 3 year old starts to run after his daddy, and i have to restrain him, he starts screaming yelling and I keep telling him "I'm right here. Mommy's here" and he is still screaming to the point where other stranger people starts looking at us. My 3 year old doesn't know I exist, unless it's just me and him. Then he wants to get close to me.
He's been behaving this way since he could recognize mommy and daddy.

Answer 7

Does your child do this even when in your own home? Or just when you are out? It may be related to stress from the new baby.

When you can, try to keep the child close to you as much as possible. Get a sling, if you don't have one, and wear the child when around the house and out on errands. Lots of time together and close physical contact. Try to make the child as secure as possible as much as you can. Then, when you have to be apart from the child, be very firm but reassuring about it. S/he may be upset, but s/he won't die!

Answer 8

For Interaction- Get her involved in a sport she enjoys. Like Gymnastics for example, there is no teams. So, she can be shy at first, but after a while, she can gradulally become fimiliar and comfortable with the other kids. For Seperation- My mom and sister would snuggle with the same blankie every night. Then, my sister would fall asleep with is. We cut a 3in squre out of the corner, and she keeps it in her pocket. When she needs to, she reaches in her pocket and feels her "Mommy Time" Blankie and it comforts her.

Answer 9

well for him thats normal. He is used to you both at all times. My son wa slike that bad ! he would hyperventelate if i left him. All you can do is just one of you at a time just leave and take your shower or go to the store he will get upset but theres really not much you can do but that. I had to do something I was preggo and I knew when i had my baby i would have to leave him so I would leave him with my sister and just take a walk to go to the store never for long . he will be ok . He may throw a fit for a few minutes but as long as the person who he is left with distracts him he will be ok .

Answer 10

Get your child interested in things that does not involve you or your spouse. Perhaps having other toddlers his age come over and play with him might help.