In a relationship can a person love you, later want to leave you, and go back and forth between both feelings?

Question

I was in a relationship with a person who seems like she two personalities. When she loves me, what I believed was her normal personality; everything is fine, even to the point where I wanted to marry her. On the 10th of December she ended our relationship and now she wants to continue like nothing ever happened. I believed our relationship ended on that date so I don't want to get back with her. When she ended it, with what I believe was her other personality, she is very cruel. She said things like, you are a liar, a hypocrite and you have disappointed me. I don't need you. And that's just a sample of her cruelty. I love this person and I haven't done anything to her to show her I'm like that. We met 5 years ago and at the moment we live in different countries. She visited me for three months this year and it was to decide if we would continue or end it. We decided to continue, live together and get married. During our 3 months together was when I discovered this other part of her.

Answer 1

I got you man, I can relate. Except I was the person that changed my mind. Maybe if I tell you about my experience from my side of the story it will help you figure her out.

I began dating this girl in November 2005, everything in the beginning was fine, we were happy, we were honest and we spent a lot of time together. This is often referred to as "the honeymoon phase", wherein both people in the relationship avoid conflicts, show each other the most affection, and are more willing to compromise on things they normally wouldn't.

As the relationship went on and New Years approached, I began to question whether or not I was ready for that serious of a relationship. Totally committed, completely devoted. I know I should have probably figured that out before I got into the relationship and I thought I did, but now that I was in the relationship I had wanted for so long, was I ready, really ready? I began to distance myself from her intimately. I stopped going over to her place as much, and we weren't talking on the phone as much. At the time, I wasn't as conscience of what I was doing. So I began to wonder why I was pulling away and everyday it kept eating away at me. Something didn't feel right. Though she had done nothing wrong and she loved me probably more than anyone else I had ever dated. I had to figure out what was going on upstairs in my brain and search my feelings. At the time I felt that the best thing to do was do a little soul searching away from the relationship. So in March of 2006, I ended our relationship, but maintained a friendship with her while I tried to figure things out and discover if she was really what I wanted.

Unfortunately, I took too long and made too many mistakes during our post-relationship friendship, she fell out of love with me and started dating other people. When I finally realized how much I actually cared for her and loved her, it was too late.

The similarity here is that I treated her badly, but it wasn't because of her, it was because of me. Maybe your girl has do a little soul searching and figure out if you are what she really wants. It also seems to me that she may need some counseling, I don't mean that to be offensive, but if she is verbally attacking you without reason, she may need some help to figure out why she does it, and it wouldn't hurt for you to understand that as well, for the sake of your relationship.

I hope this has helped you a little at least.

Answer 2

Maybe she's just confused right now. She sounds like maybe she still has feelings for this man. But if she told you she loves you, maybe she loves you both and just doesn't know what to do. I don't think she's playing with you- at least not intentionally. She is probably just in a bad place right now- her father has been diagnosed with lung cancer. If this guy goes way back with her, she could just be trying to hold on to something from her past (when everything was okay) for like a security thing. This is pretty tricky though because it might just be that she really does love this navy- guy; maybe she was just needy after he left and thought you were really sweet or something. If the latter is the case then she probably really DID believe she was in love with you. The fact that she is hiding her interaction with him from you is probably a sign that she doesn't want to hurt you- in either case. Even if she doesn't really love you, I'm sure she has fond feelings for you as a close friend- someone very important in her life. If you truly love her, i understand that this could be crushing, but she probably really needs your support right now, even if it seems like she's pushing you away. Don't leave her side ever, but don't smother her, and DON'T talk about it- that could have really really bad effects. Just simply be there. Be involved in her daily life in kind little ways, like just sharing a joke or maybe going out to lunch somewhere laidback- nothing drastic like sending flowers(too risky). But if you NEED to bring it up, do it LIGHTLY, like tell her that you don't really know how she feels, but that's alright- you just want her to be happy. (you can use those exact words if you like) and leave it at that. This is going to be painfully slow for you, but don't lose heart,if she really loves you, it may take a while, but she'll come back. If not, well at least she'll still be there as a very close friend. Oh and don't call or text so much. It could come off as pressuring, and also just because real love- the kind that really lasts is something that takes time to grow.- it isn't Hollywood. If you guys are just WAYYY on fire, almost obsessive with each other, than it probably won't last long. Good luck, I wish the both of you the best, and I hope I could be of some help.

Answer 3

Well it sounds like she is probably going through issues in her own head that confuses her..She might have been confused..but then on the other hand she may be bi polar..Why don't you both go see a therapist and you express how you feel and so will she..Whats the worst that could happen you both may sort out all your feelings and live happily ever after..Not to shabby!

Answer 4

It's very possible. She may have a mental disorder, like Bi-Polar or something similar. Or she may just be lost in life and not in touch with her own emotions.

It's nice that you love her, but you have to respect your own feelings and decided if you want to put yourself through that. I would suggest that you just be friends at most and look elsewhere.

Also she could use therapy.

Answer 5

Sounds like she is VERY confused. She needs to find herself. If you truly love someone you wouldnt be able to go back and forth between those two feelings.

Answer 6

A very hard desicion youll have to make. seems shes not giving you her all of who she really is so therefore you cant love her for who she really is, only for who you thought she was. you only know one half of her really, or do you?

love- is about committing yourself to that relationship and if she cant show you who she really is, or try to. she doesnt care about you enough and she is just going to waste your time. seems you need someone better, someone who will put in as much effort in it as you do.

Answer 7

with two personalities we call that bi-polar. i think you fell in love iwht one half of her, and not all of her. go out and find a girl that is all like the part of her you like, not just half the time.

Answer 8

i want 2 tel u sumthing vry importnt bout a relationshp.....wen gals luv u,dey luv u madly nd deeply... guys initialy r vry passionate bout deir gals but latr strt takin dem fr grantd..... may b u hvnt taken her fr grantd but might hv stopd doin special things fr her dat u usd 2 do in d initial stages of ur relationshp... gals sumtimes meet anothr guy who does dose special things fr her in order 2 get dem nd gals strt finding dem more intrestin.......same may hv hapnd wid ur gal......... but wen she realisd dat no body cn b betr dan u were she came bck 2 u..... i know its vry mean on gals side but guyz u need 2 undrstnd dat u hv 2 b stabl nd hv 2b d same alwayz..........

Answer 9

she may be having these feelings because she is uneasy about somthing she is not telling you. just ask her why she takes you to the emotional roller coaster

Answer 10

maybe you where being all of that and you didn't see it, I think that you should look at the part you played to view this objectively and not just look at all of what she has done.. what part do you play :) :) :)