my son just cant stay out of trouble i work to jobs and i just keep paying all of my money towards courtfee and fines
2006-12-28 17:27:47 · 14 answers · asked by buffy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Time to detach with love. Next time he gets into trouble as hard as it might seem you need to make him take the consequences without aiding him. This will be the only way that he will have any motivation to stop getting into trouble. You need to sit down with him and explain to him that you love him but you cannot allow him to continue to hurt you by his actions. Let him know that you will no longer be there to rescue him when he has a problem. The hardest thing in the world for a parent to do is to let their children experience any kind of pain. However this is the only way that we learn to do things differently. I wish you and your son all the best. Good luck and God bless.
2006-12-28 17:40:23 · answer #1 · answered by Deirdre O 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if old enough, boot the kid out the door. let him grow up on his own.
if not old enough, then send him to his fathers, or the next time he gets in trouble, let the courts take over, explaining to the judge that you only want what is best but that you can't handle him anymore, financially or stress-wise.
It is hard, but he is also making choices to make things hard. And at some point you have to help him stop making those choices. Each time you bail him out, you are giving him permission to keep acting the same way.
The first time you do not help him, he will know he is not going to be able to make it alone without you, OR he will think he can and will either succeed or fail. Regardlessof the outcome, you did your best to teach him, even though it meant letting him go to learn it on his own.
It is tough.
It is difficult.
But it doing the right thing is tough and difficult.
Look at him for your proof of that. He is having trouble doing the right thing because it is hard and difficult.
However, like pulling off an band-aid, fast, sharp, quick, hurts more at first, but the pain ends quick. Right now, you are slowly enduring a lasting traumatic pain that will eventually consume you and kill you (stress is the leading cause of cancer and heart disease).
You must end the cycle of violence and misanthropic behavior. Your responsibility is to your son, and that means teaching him to behave, and if that means cutting him loose, then it is more important to teach him the lesson, even at the cost of losing the son in your household and/or life.
I had to do this with my brother. I was his caretaker after our parents died. He turned to heroin. I gave him one chance to get clean. he took advantage of me and thought I would give more chances. I didn't. I left him homeless and dependent on heroin without support, money or anything. He overdosed. called me for help in the hospital. i said no. he found his way to a rehab clinic. got better. took control of his life. has no one to help him still EXCEPT himself. and he depends on himself now. And from time to time, he'll send me an email thanking me for letting him go find his own way on his own under his own power of being, and that because I was so cruel and heartless, he became his own man.
You need to do that for your son. Let him become his own man, or die trying. Do not let him kill you because he refuses to face his own issues and responsibilities, because he refuses to ascend to his own rightful place amongst Others in this world.
The more you "help" him by bailing him and paying the court fees, the more you enable him to continue down the wrong path. Each time you "save" him, he subconsciously thinks that he can go even further down that bad road cuz "Mommy will save me, if I get too far gone."
Best of luck!
2006-12-29 01:42:03 · answer #2 · answered by mezizany 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
where is the father.......that may be the problem right there...You work two jobs, which means your TIRED.....and your son is unsupervised, probably a while now. and that is why he is getting into trouble, and it is not your FAULT.....You have to keep a roof over your head and since you work two jobs, you haven't won the lottery, so you have bills to pay......He knows your tired, and unavailable, because your working your tail off......The next time, if you aren't presently involved with the courts at this time, or perhaps you can talk to the juvinille probation officer, to make arrangements for your son to go to "boot camp"......if the father isn't around, there is no male structure for him to model himself by.....just the goof balls he's hanging around with.....You can't be his Father, give him the male guidence that he seems to be possibly missing.....The courts will take your suggestions into consideration, because they deal with lots of people who don't care, and I am sure would help the ones who do.....Gotta nip it in the but now, before he gets into serious trouble, something you can't get him out of or fix.........heart goes out to you!!!
2006-12-29 01:36:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Reward the other kids for their good behavior ... ice cream, movies, games, sleepovers. Make a big production about how good kids get rewarded and bad kids get squat.
Make him work or sell all his stuff to cover court costs and fines. Ebay his Playstation and Nintendo. Have the courts sentence him to Teen Challenge and/or community service. Find some church or state sponsorship, to send him to a boarding or military school.
2006-12-29 01:35:20 · answer #4 · answered by AnswerGuy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
how old is he??? where do you live??? if he is younger than 16 15 this is a cry for help - he is acting out check on your neighborhood - sometimes around the wrong people it is just hard to behave like wrong place wrong time kind of thing - maybe you should move - but take time to spend w him theres something troubling him or he is just a punk that needs to get a reality check on the street 17 or older kick his *** out! Trust me this comes from a girl who just can't learn herself.
2006-12-29 01:34:19 · answer #5 · answered by K 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
how old is your son? Is he an adult? If so, he has to be responsible for himself now. Bailing him out isn't helping him. He keeps repeating the same pattern.
Try something different. Let him handle the consequences. good luck!!
2006-12-29 01:30:51 · answer #6 · answered by kyletexas_123 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you keep bailing him out, he is going to end up in alot of trouble, on drugs or dead. He has it in his head that mommy is going to bail him out all the time. You need to let him learn his lesson. I know that it's hard because you love him so much, but you've gotta trust in tough love!!!
2006-12-29 01:37:16 · answer #7 · answered by toothfairy.2006 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Then cut him lose, let him go to jail...if you keep letting him get away with things, he will never learn to take responsibility for his own actions...You are enabling a felon....I would suggest you either let him grow up (make him grow up) or let him ruin whats left of your life....do you really NEED that ???
2006-12-29 01:32:22 · answer #8 · answered by Chrys 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Check out ( http://www.reducingstress.net )
They have great tips,information and resources on stress and how to manage stress and the negative effects that stress brings.
Good Luck.
2006-12-30 12:54:09 · answer #9 · answered by marketingexpert 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bootcamp. I tried it and it definitely worked.
They take them to county jails for half a day, rough them up and try to teach them respect.
There are also temp. juvenile centers to look into.
2006-12-29 05:38:06 · answer #10 · answered by LC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋