Big crush on a prof in grad school. Do I have a chance?

Question

I developed strong feelings for a prof in grad school. I felt he was romantically interested in me, but our big age difference would keep him from making a move. So before graduation I wrote him a letter about my feelings. He said he was flattered, but feelings like mine sometimes happened between students/profs. Some months later, we hooked up again working in collaborative projects long distance and we met occasionally. I grew hopeful that he’d stop seeing me as a student. Three years later, I talked about my feelings again. He said he cared for me, but not the way I’d want him to.“There’s nobody else. It’s just my current life situation.” Later, I heard he’s been having memory issues and he’s planning to retire. He just started a relationship with a woman overseas who’s 30 years his junior and doesn’t speak English, but looks like a promising long-term care taker. There was a strong feeling between us and I still think I might have a chance? Or not?

Answer 1

Do you have a chance? I does not sound like it.

It is not the age difference that matters here. It is the feelings that you have for one another. You have romantic feelings toward him and have communicated these. His feelings are not romantic toward you and he also has communicated these feelings.

He is correct in that the feelings you have for him are not new or rare. He has probably had to deal with a similar situation in the past. He told you his position and it does not sound like this has changed. If they had, I am sure you would have been the first to know.

You do not need to forget him, but you do need to work through the feelings that you have for him and prepare to move on with your life. The sad thing about situations like this one is that you might have ignored a person who does have great romantic feelings toward you because you seem to be stuck in your past.

If you had a chance, it is over. Now you need to get over this.

Answer 2

This happens more frequently than one thinks.

I would advise against it. Simple reason: If it doesn't work out, the fallout for your career will be devastating. If you are still planning to work in the same field.

But I've seen it work out. Key is not to end on a sour note. Otherwise, a mighty prof in your field can (and often will) destroy you professionally, even after graduation.

Answer 3

i definitely know the feeling!!
i had a crush on my prof because he always call me compliment me and many more but later on i thought that maybe im not inlove with him i just like the attention his giving me
my advice is be sure about something before you make a move.

Answer 4

No. How many times does he have to say it? You may have felt a strong connection but apparently he did not and has clearly stated so.

Stop obsessing. Move on.

Answer 5

It sounds like he's met someone else, and if he truly cares for her then you have no chance. It sounds like you should move on. There are plenty of great guys out there who are closer to your age.

Answer 6

He obviously does not want to burden you with looking after him on a full-time basis. That's one of the toughest jobs in the world! Are you prepared to spend your life looking after all his needs, & giving up your social life?

Answer 7

Get over him, no offense. He's too old. Find someone youthful who you can spend a longer time on this earth with. One that actually loves you back.

Answer 8

Maybe you should ask a therapist. This all sounds very Freudian to me...

Answer 9

yea..i feel like this always happens..

Answer 10

please. grow up.