My sisters bf proposed to her last week (christmas). He has already stated that he has his 7 groomsmen picked out, and wants to get married in 6 months. My sister is in nursing school and will be ending finals only 3 weeks before the wedding date. Also future BIL has previously stated that he has planned on being married when hes 27, and also wants one kid b4 he's 30. He turns 27 next month, and she is only 18 (& 2 months!!). They've only known each other for a year & 1/2. But he had already stated "intentions" when she was 17 & 1/2. So i feel like he's rushing her. And she'll still be in school by the time he'd want his first kid.
Two questions: Is this selfish of him? And is it okay for me to turn down (if asked) to be in the wedding party?
2006-12-28 17:12:00 · 13 answers · asked by Execute99 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I think it's selfish. I don't like the guy and I don't even know him. If he was stating his intentions when she was a minor he's not only selfish he's a freaking sicko. Who knows what he was doing when she was younger. I think that older guys who like teens always like them and he'll end up trading her later on. It's sad but you're just going to have to bite your tongue and live with it. Sorry for your strife. It's going to be a rough ride. If I were you i'd scheme to save her future and I wouldn't be willing to be in a wedding party where my sister was marrying a pervert. To the person above me...............It is her business, she's her sister. Who do you think the sis is going to call when all is lost. She's going to call her sister.
2006-12-28 17:16:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's selfish alright. He and your sister need to really have a heart to heart and your future BIL needs to be open to the way your sister feels about her future and their future together. If he's imposing all his wants already, it's likely this pattern will follow in the marriage.
You need to find a way to gently talk to your sister about your concerns without appearing to be "butting" in their business. Just let her know you have nothing but good intentions and most of all do not bash the boyfriend or she'll completely shut you off.
2006-12-28 17:20:34 · answer #2 · answered by Butterfly 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think its very selfish of him to state these intentions. Especially since she'll be busy with college. I can see her stress level being VERY high with college tests and wedding planning. He can have 'intentions' to have a kid before he's 30, but only mother nature will have control over that.
He should talk it over with his fiance on when to have the wedding and other future plans. He does sound very controlling to me. If he truly is that bad lets hope your sister finds out before she says "I do".
If you and your sister are close you could always talk to her about it.
And you don't HAVE to say yes to being in the wedding.
2006-12-29 04:32:08 · answer #3 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, this whole scenario is creepy. He is selfish and seems to be getting into this relationship with your sister for the wrong reasons. She is too young...way way too young to get married and have children. there are two things you could do. 1. Stay by your sister's side and be there for her. or 2. tell her how you feel. It will alienate you from her if you do this though. She should know that she's so young and has so much to experience before marriage. She should come first during her young age. She needs to be doing things for herself at this point in her life and not doing thing for her fiance.
2006-12-28 17:26:13 · answer #4 · answered by Alexa K 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can always turn down an invitation. Make sure your motives are not selfish. What does your sister think? Does she seem unsure or pushed? Has the family spoken to her about what she wants? Did you confied in your pastor? See what's up with her before you decide anything.
2006-12-28 17:27:58 · answer #5 · answered by the Goddess Angel 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your sister is awfully young to be considering marriage, especially to a man 9 years her senior. She should be experiencing the fun of her college life, not settling down to have a bunch of children with a self-centered guy. Get your family together to discuss the situation. Plan a time with your sister when you can calmly and rationally share your concerns with her. Do it out of love. Ask her what she truly wants. If it is to be married to this guy, then support her with all your heart. When he dumps her for a younger model don't tell her you told her so, just continue to love her and allow her your shoulder to cry on.
2006-12-28 17:33:34 · answer #6 · answered by Valerie H 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, those are merely his goals. They're a little harsh but nonetheless his. Your sister seems really young to be getting married - but all of these things are their choice! Support your sister, that's about the best you can do. And it would be wise to be in the wedding....lest you want to ruin your relationship with her.
2006-12-29 00:37:54 · answer #7 · answered by Rachel 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
most importantly..its really none of your concern. I dont mean this to be rude, but its your sister, not you. if she feels rushed then its up to her to say something to him. I suggest staying out of it or you could end up destroying your relationship woth your sister and her future husband. so for your first question...he is only rushing her if she is letting him. if she is comfortable with it all then no...there is nothing wrong. for your second question, you can not be in the wedding is you dont want to be, but thats being selfish of you.
2006-12-29 01:52:18 · answer #8 · answered by Jenn ♥Cadence Jade's mum♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is, but it really does not matter what you or I think, what matters most is what your sister thinks, does she know of his intentions?
Secondly it is okay to turn down the invitation to be in the wedding if asked but, think how that will make your sister feel after all this is her big day as well.
2006-12-28 17:20:18 · answer #9 · answered by hurricanemercedes 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You left out a VERY important idea: how does she feel? YOU think he is rushing her - but does she think that???? If he is trying to get her to do something she doesn't want to do, that's not good - but if she WANTS the same things he wants, you have no right to look down on him or blame him for either because it is just as much her choice as it is his.
2006-12-29 04:27:46 · answer #10 · answered by Chrys 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋