What is normal time for 22 yr old son to come home after spending evening with friends ?

Question

I did not grow up here so I often wonder if I am restricting my son's activities. He is usually out with friends every weekend and some week nights. Comes home around 3am on weekends and 12:30 on weekdays. Should I worry ?

Answer 1

if he is living under your roof, then you have the option to set rules and if he doesn't like them, he can get out. I wouldn't worry about it; that's pretty normal; but if it bothers you, tell him to stop. I wouldn't nag him, though. either set rules or let it go.

Answer 2

I would ask if he is coming home and disturbing the rest of the house, in which case you need to say something. Those hours are pretty normal but if he has a job he is burning himself out if he has to get up early. THe fact is he is considered an adult after 21 and as long as he is holding up his share of the common house hold chores adn work, you should not restrict him. As a mom you can ask him to call if he is going to be really late just so you know he is ok. Moms worry even after sons are grown.

Answer 3

First, he's 22, so he can stay as long as he want- he's an adult by any and all means.
12:30 on weekdays and 3am on weekends sound normal for a person his age. I wish I could stay so long again.

Answer 4

Um... there are two takes on this issue. The first one is that he's an adult and he should come and go as he pleases.

The second one is that if he's living under your roof, he should abide by your rules.

My brother had a rule when he was living with my parents that he had to be in the house by the time my dad got up for work (approximately 4 AM) I never had a curfew, because they either knew where I was or who I was with... and this was before everyone had a cell phone.

Answer 5

Whether you should worry has a lot to do with your friend's peer groups, what kind of things they are doing, and what kind of trouble they get into (if any). And of course, we fall into the sticky area of what's his personal business.

Now, of course, there are a lot of details we don't know about your situation. But I will try to point out some "universal truths" and hopefully they will help you to find your own path. I don't think anyone can tell you precisely what to do because it is always a complicated situation.

First, it is a phase. Yes, its cliche. But, its true. And if his peer groups aren't crazy, and he isn't doing anything illegal, then maybe you can wait it out. Maybe. Unfortunately, staying out super late has its own set of risk factors. Just a month ago my uncle was hit on his way to work at 4am by a guy who was drunk and had marijuana in his system. This can happen to anyone, but it happens a lot more often at odd times of the night. And, perhaps by staying out so late he has a higher risk factor for "trouble".

Right there, that answers your question. Sure, you should worry. I am 35 and I worry when my wife is out late at night. I love her. It would be a really bad scene if she got hit by some drunk. Because I care about her. Worrying is good, its a sign you care. You just have to channel it in a positive way instead of a destructive way. Its not your son you worry about, its the other driver, the other influence, the "x factor" that he has absolutely no control over.

Second, he is a man. You have to let him do what he wants. His formulative child years are over. You gave it your best shot. Good job.

The point is, you get to worry, but, you can't tell him what to do.

In closing, I really wouldn't recommend a long boring lecture, threats, bribery, or any other obvious shenanigans. Worrying is a byproduct of caring. But he is a man. If you can't take it, and if he isn't willing to give you something in return, then you have to let go. To let go, this might mean that he has to stop living with you, and that he moves on with the next phase of his life. You might be holding him back, letting him enjoy a less mature phase instead of allowing him to move forward. I'm not telling you to do anything rash, of course. I don't pretend to know what factors led to this situation.

Best of luck to you, whatever you do. I hope I helped.

Answer 6

I was going to say 3am before I read the rest of your question. That is very normal, the bars usually close at 2am so that leads to coming home around 3am :-)

Answer 7

Well he's 22 not 16 so it's fine. If you don't like it, tell him to get his own place. He should be on his own already if he's not in school. It's not healthy for grown adults to still live at home with their parents.

Answer 8

He's 22, other than the fact he lives with you he should be setting his own hours. If his coming and going affects your life, set times that work for you. If he doesn't like it he can move out.

Answer 9

That is normal....My 22 year old lives in his own place, pays his own rent and is responsible for himself. Relax! Give him a chance to be a man and make some decisions for himself.

Answer 10

uhm hes 22. hes an adult.you cant really control him anymore. when he turned 18 he had the right to dowhat he wants when he wants. you can though set a limit- if you arent in by 3 am, dont come in, youll have to stay with a friend...etc... my mom did that to me. as long as i called her and told her where i was, she didnt care. im 21 now and i live on my own so i guess i can do what i want when i want....hmm

Answer 11

It is normal for a 22 yr old to be out that late. It is not normal for a 22 yr old to be living with his parents still unless he is in school or something.