I'm going crazy... Anybody have any experiences dealing with in-laws pressuring you to have kids? They bring up the topic of having grandchildren multiple times when we see them. They talk about what they are going to do with the grandchildren, and what they are going to teach the kids. It is driving me nuts. My hubby has talked to them about it, but I don't think it will stick.
2006-12-28 15:42:46 · 14 answers · asked by Sarah J 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Here's a thought. Next time they bring up the topic of children tell them "Since you want a baby so bad why don't YOU have one?" If they counter with not being physically able to point out the many ADOPTION choices they have, then the next time you see them ask them when they're going to get started on adoption a child...keep on them they way they do with you. Maybe eventually they will get the hint.
2006-12-28 15:48:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Each time they bring it up, jokingly ask them when they're going to stop asking. If they press the point, gently remind them that it's something you and your husband will have to decide for yourselves, especially considering you'll be the one doing the hard work. The in-laws won't have to do all the midnight feedings, change most of the dirty diapers, or pay all the bills associated with being a parent.
You can also mention that they'll be the first to know when you are expecting, but do not give a specific time - neither date or how far in the future. That way they can hope for sooner, but you haven't set yourself for worse pestering ion the future.
Agreeing with everything might work, but it has an equal chance of encouraging them to talk more about grandchildren.
2006-12-29 00:09:44 · answer #2 · answered by erythisis 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kindly, in a funny, nice way remind your in-laws that when their son was little that he did'nt always get what he wanted just because he wanted it right then, right now.
Maybe tell them that while you and your husband do want children one day, that the both of you are making the choice to develop and enjoy developing a nice foundation of relationship just the two of you before you have children. That it's a gift the two of you are giving each other and that any children that come along will only be enhanced that.
Remind your in-laws that must remember that once children come along, that a parents relationship gets ' watered down ' a bit due to the loving attention towards babies and children. You and your husband choose to set a foundation as you choose now and they have to just be patient for when the time is right for you...not them.
When they keep 'pestering' you in the future, as they will . . . remind them you and your husband are still enjoying the gift of just you two and when the time is right you will bring the enhancement of children into your lifes. Tell them...with a smile " When the time is right, you will be the second to know". Then keep changing the subject. Ask them something about themselfs, such as "when are you going to retire (or travel, or do such and such project etc.). Switch gears and put the focus on them of a 'When are you going to . . . " type of question.
2006-12-28 23:54:33 · answer #3 · answered by onelight 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell them sure if they pay all of the medical bills and buy all of the diapers, wipes, clothes, and supplies and if they baby sit whenever you want them to for as long as you want them to,
Simply state "we're not ready for children and I would rather that we are prepared and stable before we have them. This is OUR choice not yours and I would appreciate it if you would drop it. When there is baby on the way I will let you know and then we will discuss what you think you're going to teach them. But until that day comes then let it be."
My mother in law taught my daughter how to kiss on the lips to her whole extended family which I HATE because of all of the nasty germs on everyone's mouths. And of course she's sick right now because she kissed everyone at Christmas. It's irritating and I HAVE spoken with her about it and she still lets people do it.
2006-12-28 23:53:39 · answer #4 · answered by momofthreemiracles 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hopefully your husband has siblings and that you are not their only hope. You could always say that you are waiting until you are comfortable with your marriage. That way you don't divorce your hubby and move away with the grand children never to be seen again. You have their best interest at heart... really! And if they get impatient, they can always adopt.
2006-12-28 23:52:59 · answer #5 · answered by Mr Cellophane 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is what we here in the Midwest would call a "blessing in disguise". You feel pressured, they probably feel deprived...okay. In lieu of keeping a roll of duct tape handy, you might try this: agree with them, whatever they say, just agree with it. they are, after all, not really giving you your marching orders; they are anticipating a part of life. so grit your teeth, plaster on a smile, and do the bobble-head thing. and have your children when you are ready to welcome them wholeheartedly; just don't discuss your planning and timing with your in laws or parents or anyone other than your spouse. it's your own personal business, after all.
after awhile they will begin to think you are having fertility problems; again, neither confirm or deny, just drag that smile back out of your pocket, plaster it on and wear it bravely. nod, agree, change subject. repeat as necessary. and God bless you ;)
cryllie
2006-12-28 23:55:40 · answer #6 · answered by cryllie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can ask them to tone it down... you cant stop them from wanting grandkids.. but you could definately make a point by saying pressuring you to have kids is making you want kids less and less. That'll scare them into submission! Explain to them that you want to be prepared for kids, and its not something you want to rush into.. My husband and I got pregnant on our honeymoon.. and I truly wish we had more time to enjoy being a married couple before being a married couple with kids(not that I regret having my child in any way.. i dont.. i wouldnt change it..) But it changes your whole life. kids are a 24/7 commitment that only YOU should decide to make! Dont let them bug you too much.. just be happy that you have their support and love
2006-12-28 23:47:16 · answer #7 · answered by Kristin B 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
When you are ready have them. End of story they had their children and when it is time for you than it will happen on your clock. People are so pushy, spend time being married. Good luck.
2006-12-28 23:47:45 · answer #8 · answered by cliffhanger 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call them one day and tell them that you decided to adopt out of the blue. Then ask them if they want to babysit. Drop off the tarantula that you just bought at the pet store and see if they lay off then.
2006-12-28 23:54:59 · answer #9 · answered by Johnny Johnny 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Avoid them until they back off on the grandchildren talk.
2006-12-28 23:45:33 · answer #10 · answered by Kiss My Shaz 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋