What do think of this type of Girlfriend?

Question

She is very picky to get a job, everything is an issue. Even when I offered her to work in my job but she rejected because I work there. Christmas came and she didn't buy me anything but an ipod COVER but bough her friends their gift like purse and etc..
For Christmas She wanted me to spend 150 dollars on her but I backed away from it specially when I had to paid a bill. She promised me some Timberland's for my Birthday November 8, 2006 and up to this date, nothing yet. I have the money to buy my own but since she asked me what I wanted I asked for that. She's going to college and only works 4 days of the month. Doesn't want to make the effort to have a full time job or part time anywhere, like I said very picky. I don't mind paying for things but sometimes you also want to get something in return, We've been together for 10 months and I'm there in the bad times, but what do you all think of this?

She's 21 and only going to school. Her car is messed up. She uses her credit card. She could be a great girlfriend if she would solve these issues, I don't want to tell her because I don't like to whine and I like for people to see their own mistakes and also I don't want her thinking that I'm thinking I'm maintaining her. I'm 19, work full time, I go to school full time, I have a 3.75 GPA. Why can't she do it? We don't live together. No kids at all. It's a long term relationship of 10 months. It's not that I care for the money but a gift once in a while it's nice. She says if she had the income she would buy things for me but that is just words...

Answer 1

First and foremost, you are obviously a man at your young age, a man who has got his life together and who works towards his goals and ambitions. There are only two types of people in life, these who contribute to your success and these who drain from you. Now you really have to ask yourself a question, what type of a person is she?! and if you really need her in your life at all, since her being part of it, could be detrimental to your progress and overall success. I suggest you take a step back, and write all the pros and cons down, try to concentrate on negative as much as you can, for the simple fact that your brain is a paten making mechanism, and it would justify any idea that is strongly present in your subconscious, in this case it would be sense of attraction and loyalty to a long term partner, so you have to concentrate hard on the reasons as to why you don't want her in your life, and then take few days, review it again and make a final decision.

You are obviously a man who is capable of making tough choices and following through on your decisions, so I have no doubt that you would make the one that is right for you based on the reasons that you come up with.

Now, if your decision is to allow her to stay in your life, then you have to ask yourself, why should she put in an effort and why should she be doing what you want her to do? If she is very comfortable with her present existence and so far you allowed her to behave and treat you in a way that you described above, then why would she put in an effort in doing something different?!

She obviously values her friends and makes an effort on their behalf, and not so much when it comes to your relationship! Obviously her friends would not tolerate any less of the behaviour from her, whereas you obviously do. People are like puppies, they will get away with whatever you would allow them to get away with.

The sad fact, is that you can not directly confront her with these issues, as you have allowed them to happen for a long time. It is very much possible to influence her to change her behaviour, but it would be a long and challenging process, the question is whether you need or can afford the time to invest in to this girl.

Ironically, you would not convince her based on logic reasoning, most of the women (and men) take actions based on emotional drives. There is a whole science behind manipulating people on emotional level, if you are interested, email me directly and I will forward you a copy of a book that would give you some very good tips. Regardless, women are guided by emotions, so if you want to influence her to chance, then you would need to connect with her on emotional level and give her reasons to change based on emotional drives.

However, we are product of our environment, so if you want her to change, you would have to provide an alternative means of entertainment and replace her current circle of friends with the people who are driven to succeed, else even if you do manage to change her, she would fall back in to her usual routine very quickly, unless her environment and people around her encourage her progress.

At the end of the day, it would be tough, lots of work, starting from re-educating her based on emotional responses, then support these with logical seasonings, you also would have to replace her environment, substitute her friends, and retrain her behaviour and attitude towards you and your relationship. Basically you would be rebuilding a brand new person, even if you already have the knowledge and don't need to research how to do it all, it would still take months of effort and would be very tough on your emotionally as well as take up a lot of time. Once again, go back and ask yourself, is it worth rebuilding relationship and constructing a new person, or would it be easier to concentrate on your own progress and find someone who would be supportive and encouraging of your own progress.


Good luck.


PS: Also remember, that it is not just a little problem, it is similar to an iceberg, where most of the danger lurks bellow the surface. Her little problems with money is obviously an indicator of lack of responsibility and possibly many others... You are a smart guy, you work it out!

Answer 2

Do you really want to date yourself ? Sound like it.
NO offense but you said she got you a gift. Then you said moneys not an issue but then you say you wanna get a gift once in a while.

Your grammar is off so i think you may be foreign ..... (no offense , just an observation)
have you assessed if she is from a culture where women do not work outside the house ?

While finances seem to be your primary fixation , you also just need to asses her based on her emotional support of you.

Asses the whole not just bits , be honest with yourself ... is this what you want in life ? what is more important things or relationships.

I am sure there are things that bother her that you do...more than likely one of them is telling her that you do things good why dosn't she ?

People learn at different rates.

Be honest with yourself about her and YOURSELF. List good and bad things about both of you and weigh them with your heart not the weight of the wallet before you make any major changes.

Also try talking to her , be an adult confront the issue face to face with her. Without having to argue first.

If in th end its not what yo want , its your choice , but know that you have wasted 10 months of both of your lives.

Just MY OPINION ..

Answer 3

Ms. Dreamgirl "I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now!" Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous Advantages: Funny, intelligent, uninhibited Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you ( this is what my bf picked how kind or a liar lmao

Answer 4

Ok I've done this more than once in my life.

And I know you don't want to hear this - dump her.

She's unhealthy both for herself and you... and she needs to grow up.

You've obviously got it together.... and you should be with a woman who has the potential to make a long term mate.

The woman you're with is simply not a healthy person... I've tried to take care of women like that - and have wasted 11 years of my life in relationships like what you've described.

Get out now.

Otherwise you're looking at years, or decades, of you life lost.

I'm sorry.

-dh

Answer 5

ten months is not long term first of all...I say that only because this woman should not be considered a long term option if you wish to keep your sanity...she sounds lazy and unreliable. Being that you are two years younger than her and male, you should be the one doing stupid things like she is doing...time to find a new girl if she wont change her ways...and stop being her dad, let her take care of her own bills and what not, but be prepared to not see her change until she has to...

Answer 6

You sound like a great person but sometimes in situations like this its good to think like this you use your money for you and the money that she get off her 4 day pay let her use it on herself but if you can work and go to school full time she can to. You are young don't let one woman stress you out. Explore and have fun with your life.

Answer 7

be more understanding. not everyone is capable of the same things. i mean she probably is but it may be harder for her to deal with things. try to help her figure out why she can't deal with the problems of these jobs and cant choose one. as for the gift thing..shes probably trying to keep her money for herself because i'm sure she needs it to pay for school or food and such since she doesnt make much. just talk to her. she needs someone to help her realize these things and that someone could be you. you could very well do her a huge favor by telling her how you feel. sometimes people realize what they're doing but just put off changing things for whatever reason.

Answer 8

i answered ur other question very similiar to this but missin the last paragraph, so basically same kinda thing again; dont let her think she can use you moneywise because if you show a weakness that she starts using itll only get worse.. on the converse, push her to get a job and so on and make it obvious to her that she dosn't wanna end up in loads of debt.. i know some people only learn the hard way but theres a limit to how hard it should have to be before you jus gotta tell them how to deal with it because otherwise itll jus get worse.

Answer 9

She's in school. Give her a break. If you don't think you're a match because of how she deals with her finances or if you think it's wrong that she puts her friends needs ahead of yours then bounce. Otherwise chill. Are you looking for a girlfriend or a sponsor?

Answer 10

ahh...i think i've hear about this kinda problem before.what you should realli do is talk to her.(i know..its gonna be scary!!:( warning..it would trun out realli realli bad if u get er upset so be realli realli careful and gental ok??^^)tell her that u are trying toHELP her NOT embarress her in anyways.why do you love her?i mean obviously you love her.you've been with her for 10 months so u gotta know why.u arent whining.ur trying to HELP her.go talk but he creaful VERY carefu.because ur gf seems realli senstive...mayeb not to u..but if u make the wrong move..u cant go back and i dont wanna see u guys broken up cuz u've been together for 10 months!!good luck!