Why do my husband and I get bashed as parents?

Question

I work a full time job as an attorney, and my husband has stayed with the baby from day 1. He devotes his entire life to her and is the best daddy in the world. I get bashed from other in my community for having a full time job and supporting my family, and my husband gets bashed for being a stay at home dad. This is so stupid. Why do people do this?? Now my daughter started preschool,and the moms that "stay home" with thier kids really give me hell when I do mommmy and me activities, they act like I am some kind of monster because I don't " Stay home".

Answer 1

Welcome to the crowd honey!!! My husband isn't a stay at home dad, but I am a working mom and I get bashed by stay at home moms on here all the time. Not all SAHM's are like that though. You and I are apparently coming across the psycho ones. LOL

You don't owe these women any explanation of your life. Cause if you try to give one, they are just going to continue to put you down.

Answer 2

There is nothing wrong with what you do. Some women work while their husbands stay home, while some men work while the women stay home. Your giving your child a good live, and as long as everyone is happy it should not matter what anyone thinks. If you love your job, then why stop? So you can be what some people think is the perfect mom? It seems like alot of people today look down on mothers who work. Alot of people think that they should stay home and do dishes and cook and clean and all of that. When the truth is thats not for everyone. Your lucky to have a job you love and a husband that supports your decision to work. Dont let other people get to you.

Answer 3

That;s a bunch of BS. Is your daughter healthy and happy? Are you and your husband happy in your parenting roles and as a couple? is yes then there is no problem whatsoever. My husband and I went through this for a few years. He stayed home with the kids 4-5 days a week and worked as a network engineer 3-4 nights a week. I worked full time. We got the same crap from people. I think some of the stay at home moms may be jealous because their husbands aren't as involved as yours or because they are judging you for not making the same 'sacrifice' they are making to stay home. I say you do what works for you and your family.

Answer 4

That's horrible! Apparently people are just too arrogant to understand that you can have stay at home dad's too! I admire men who do things like that and care about their family's. That's probably why I married my husband. I have an idea of what you are going through. My husband was wounded in Iraq and when he came home from the hospital he had to stay at home and rest for a few months before returning to work and so he basically became a stay at home dad and I know he had some people gave him a hard time about staying home even though it was because of a medical condition. People just are sterotypical about the whole stay at home parent thing. I hope just because of those people you and your hubby don't change things around!

Answer 5

I am a huge supporter of stay at home parents, in fact I even wrote a book about it. I found myself predominately focusing on the stay at home mom in the beginning, most likely because that is more the "norm" and because that was my experience.

However, I don't think it matters which parents stays home with the kids. I don't think it matters which parent supports the family. The point is that you're both doing your jobs, no matter what roles you take. And traditional roles don't really matter as long as your children are being placed where they're supposed to be in your lives and with your priorities.

You cannot let yourself be influenced by the other moms who take issue with your involvement with your daughter. You're probably looking at a variety of reasons for their hostility, however, most likely it's jealousy. How many of us would love to have the best of both worlds - kids, career, and a husband who loves us and our families. Most of those women are probably bitter and lonely and don't have much more to do than judge you.

Again, my book revolves around women staying home, but kudos to you and your husband for chosing the roles that work for you and YOUR family.

I also have a website for stat at home parents, and if you want to contribute an article or something of the sort for the site expressing your concerns, or start a blog, visit www.sanemommy.com or email me [e-mail].

Answer 6

People who don't understand your family dynamics will think it's odd. You have found a system that works for you, works well obviously, and you both should be commended, YOU for taking the bull by the horns and bringing home the bacon, and your wonderful HUSBAND for biting the bullet and taking on a job that scares most men to death. My husband was a stay home dad for a few years with our kids while he was waiting to get into Medical School, and our friends thought he was such a deadbeat for not working, but they didn't understand our family dynamics. (We are white, have 4 adopted kids and two aren't *gasp* white like we are... they're from China.") What people don't understand, they will condemn a lot of times, just be happy with your family and know in your heart that your child has bonded so incredibly well with your husband, it makes the other moms jealous because their husbands aren't involved. As in most things, they are jealous of your working marriage and your success in juggling family, career and happiness.

Give them hell back, have DADDY go to the mommy and me stuff, my husband did and the kids LOVED it. Why not? You guys have reversed the "traditional roles," and mommy and me swim will be such a hoot when Daddy shows up in his Speedo....

Answer 7

You probably need to start hanging around people who are not so judgmental and a little more supportive of your life style choices. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you are doing as long as everyone is happy. You also might want to consider just ignoring the closed minded peoples opinions unless they are people that you really care what they think of you and your life style. It is unfortunate that there are so many stereotypes that people cling too but you are always going to run into someone who wants to foist their particular life style on you. If you are truly happy with the way things are you need to work on your attitude to get over the pettiness of others. I personally can't see anything wrong with the way your family is operating. Your child has two parents...one who is staying home..it shouldn't really matter if it's mom or dad..the child has a full time parent.

Answer 8

I see nothing wrong with what your family is doing- you provide, and your husband helps raise your child. My husband and I are the opposite-only I work weekends to make a little extra. I would love to be at home all the time with my son though- I feel that having a parent at home raising the child is far better than putting it in day care all the time! and if you can do it, that's GREAT! Mom or Dad, whoever it may be, it's wonderful for the child! So ignore everyone! You and your husband are proving for your family in a good way. Screw them.

Answer 9

If I get married, I want to work full-time and allow my husband to stay at home to cook, clean, do laundry, and take care of the children. I wanted that since middle school and now ten years later trying to finish my degrees it still in my heart. I would probably get bashed as well for wanting what you have, and that's because it's socially unacceptable. Why? Because we're accustomed to the only stay at home is women and men must attend to work. Don't worry about it. These women are probably jealous of your success. As you state, you are an attorney. That requires a bachelor's degree and doctorate of jurisprudence then passing a rigorous bar exam just to practice. Perhaps they throw your husband up because they cannot achieve the professional and academic success that you obtain -- success I hope to achieve in a few years when I do get my M.D. and have my future husband as a stay at home daddykins. :-)

Answer 10

I often feel that people that act like that are jealous. I also work full time and honestly can't imagine staying home all the time, but I respect the parents that do. My child is well rounded and loved no matter what and it sounds like your husband is doing a great job of making your daughter feel the same. Next time they say something stick up for yourself. It's amazing how many "stay at home "moms"" sit on their but all day instead of doing something for their children, so ask them to explain their problem with you, once they open their mouth and you shut them up they will leave you alone