Loneliness.. a feeling you cant deny
longing to see.. you try not to cry
you want to break away
you want to leave
you are so fragile
ur heart feels weak
you are longing to see
you pray for the night to be over
you miss being real
you can never run away from this
its impossible to leave
you need to find your real
you know the answer
set yourself free...
2006-12-28 11:56:49 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
k thnks for all ur advice.. ya i should work on the ending.. but i wrote it when i was very sad so i need to b in that situation again lol.. ill do somethin with it dnt worri
2006-12-28 12:13:07 · update #1
it is really nice the ended was abit off but otherwise REALLY GOOD
i really enjoy poems i write them myself
and you have done a fine job there
tealee
2006-12-28 11:59:29 · answer #1 · answered by tealee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice flow and developed meaning. I'll give you a B for structure.
You sound sad. Are you planning on hurting yourself?
2006-12-28 20:00:46 · answer #2 · answered by mumra_06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's beautiful! Needs a littlework with rhyming though.
2006-12-28 20:00:21 · answer #3 · answered by Erriyberry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Beautiful.....Thanks
2006-12-28 19:59:33 · answer #4 · answered by Girl with Kaleidoscope Eyes 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
awesome but then ending is a bit off so fix that but otherwise good job!
2006-12-28 20:02:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
seems like a online relationship type of poem...is nice
2006-12-28 20:07:27 · answer #6 · answered by urstory 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the last three lines don't work but rest is good
2006-12-28 20:01:54 · answer #7 · answered by masterzuaba 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like u might need help
2006-12-28 20:00:06 · answer #8 · answered by KIM B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i liked it and i write poems too
2006-12-28 20:01:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
very touching and beautiful...
2006-12-28 20:08:01 · answer #10 · answered by MidnightSkies 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋