We've been together 6 yrs. Last night another fight. He says bad things to me and says that most of our problems are my fault. He's emotionally cheated on me, not sure if it was more than that or not. Phone calls went on for a year with this other girl. He's insecure when it comes to my ex-husband, says he hates him. My ex lives 5 doors down from my parents and is still friends w/my family, which my boyfriends resents to the max. I have a 9 yr old son w/my ex-husband, therefore, I can't tolerate the bad mouthing about my sons dad. I don't know what to do, I feel I still have feelings for by bf, but can't keep going through this emotional roller coaster. I'm physically attracted to my bf, but there's got to be more that that, right.
2006-12-28 11:51:19 · 13 answers · asked by jeep 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Wow! 6 years huh? Why so long and why now are you finally wanting to change things. Sadly, you have enabled him to treat you like this by having put up with it for so long.
There is hope, however. You are now quite aware of his bad behavior and also not wanting it to cause a huge rift between you and your son's father (which is a good thing since he will be in your life for a LONG time). It's going to take work, strength, and courage on your part but you are going to have to finally put an end to this. Here are a few guidelines:
1. When he talks badly to you, tell him you will resume the conversation when he is ready to speak to you as an adult and as someone who supposedly loves you. Then, stick to it. he will hate it at first, and probably get even angrier, but he will know you mean it and will eventually accfept it or move on.
2. Talk to him about setting some healthy boundaries (ie when you can talk to your ex, what you won't accept about his speech toward your ex, he needs to also accept responsibility for your problems in the relationship-hes in it too, etc)
3. Tell him you will never sit by as he emotionally cheats on you again (why you did it for a whole year, I do not know).
4. Tell him how you want to be treated and be exact. Women often expect a man to know these things but they often don't. You really need to spell it out sometimes.
You may consider seeking a good Counselor to work on your self-esteem issues. There are reasons why you let someone treat you this way. Maybe you feel you don't deserve better but you absolutely DO!
Good luck to you.
2006-12-28 12:04:04 · answer #1 · answered by Singthing 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, more than half this question was about your ex and how he is like this and your family and your kid and all that. I would hate him too if he would be just five blocks down the street and with your parents and your kid and all I get its your leftover time and love.
Unless there was physical contact, he DID NOT CHEAT ON YOU. Phone calls does not count at all. You say you cant tolerate "the badmouthing about your son's day" have you ever defended your new boyfriend with the same passion you defend the father of your child?
He has a problem. He is being a child about this and trying to make you suffer for having a past. What he should do is leave you so you can live your past since you cant move to a future together with him.
2006-12-28 19:58:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your relationship maturity is equivalent to that of a 13-year-old.
Stop dating this guy -- he's verbally abusive, a cheater, and is only bringing you down. The fact that you have remained with him this long, even after he cheated on you, shows that you either have very low self-esteem and have decided to "settle" for him, or you just plain have no idea what you're doing. Either way, you need a break from relationships, if not for your own sake, for your son's sake. Your son needs a mom right now, and there's no way that you can be a good, committed, focused mom when you're putting up with so much from a long-term boyfriend. Re-think your priorities and do what's best for your son.
2006-12-28 19:56:37 · answer #3 · answered by wnk 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, six years is amazing for this. He's had plenty of time to consider all this and a chance to compromise, but he won't. Your first responsibility is to your son and it'll be a little time-consuming to make a new choice and find a gentleman than can be at peace with your past. Don't know what else to suggest
2006-12-28 19:59:46 · answer #4 · answered by Nate L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is angry that your ex-husband is still on good terms with you and your family, and I would be too. I do think it is wrong that he is taking it out on you but it's hard to watch your current gf's ex living like you two are still together. Your ex needs to move away from you and your family and things would be much better
2006-12-28 20:00:49 · answer #5 · answered by knocko611 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know, maybe you think you don't deserve any better, and think he might be right , since afterall this is at least your second major relationship that isn't going well. But, you do deserve better. Get help with your relationship (and marry him if you are going to stay with him), or get out. Here's the kicker, try to learn what you can out of this situation, before you end up in another one like it.
2006-12-28 19:59:04 · answer #6 · answered by Bre 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably don't need my telling you this, but the best thing for your son is to get away from your abusive bf. Do you think it's good for him to hear you guys fight and him telling you that everything's your fault?
2006-12-28 19:57:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Physical attraction is not enough to sustain or support a healthy relationship. You need to move on.
2006-12-28 19:54:30 · answer #8 · answered by Creampoof737 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he makes you feel bad then you should brake up with him, if it's just physical atraction then you don't need to take all that pain
2006-12-28 19:55:44 · answer #9 · answered by Andy D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
time to move on, love is more than physical attraction as you have learned.
2006-12-28 19:59:37 · answer #10 · answered by Life is FUn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋