UGH...I have this friend who seems to have everything?

Question

and I have nothing. I mean we have been friends since high school, and she is rich, well she married into some wealth at least. She lives in this huge asss house in a new neighborhood and drives a brand new lexus gx470, which is expensive. Her kids wear name brand anything, and my kids get jealous and wonder why they cant wear tommy or quiksilver like her kids do.
I live in a crappy run down townhouse that is rented and not owned, I want to live her life cause it seems great. She doesnt work and is a stay home mom and in her spare time she either shops, buys toys for her kids or just hangs out at home, I love her house, it even has a spa in it!
How can I get a life like hers, my kids want what her kids have, like a trampoline, go carts, and video games, my kids usually go to her house to enjoy the nicer things in life.
My home is already filled with love, but I want a taste of the other side!
What should I do?

They are also not in debt like I am, they pay cash for everything.

Her kids and her are very happy, she always is upbeat and her kids are very nice, so I think they are happy. My kids just wonder why they dont have it.

Answer 1

Its tough to want what other want. I would really try to compare yourself to someone who has less than you, so you can be more appreciative of what you do have. Have your kids do the same.

There will always be someone else who will have more than you, unless you're Bill Gates. But remember there are probably a whole lot of people that have a lot less than you.

Enjoy what your friend has and share in her happiness but don't be envious of it. I know it's easier said than done. But you have to try to be less materialistic.

Answer 2

first off... relax the grass isn't always greener on the other side! I am a stay at home mom, married into money, and have some of the finer things in life. My husband owns his own business and works a traditional 40hr work week at a factory as well. Growing up I was on the other side of the fence. I worked my butt off and drove a crappy car and had little to show for myself, except my happiness. Having "Things" doesn't always mean happiness. Because of all the hours my husband puts in, I rarely see him., sex is almost non existant, and many days I feel like a single mother. As far as children getting jealous of "things" that is always going to happen. Someone somewhere is always going to have something better. If your children want the finer things in life... tell them to work for it as you do. Let them get summer jobs mowing lawns, delivering papers and the like. They seem like they are old enough to realize that everyone has different economic backgrounds... and the majority of the USA is not as fortunate as what your friend can provide. We have a nice home, and older vehicles. My children only get new cloths and toys on Birthdays, Christmas and the beginning of the school year, but a lot of what they have is also hand me downs! We have two mortgages and our credit cards are maxed... but we make ends meet, Point being that Looks don't always equal happiness. The one thing that you can always provide for your family no matter what is love. The more you love, the more grateful you will become!

Answer 3

You can have what she has and more; however, the first thing you need to do is stop coveting everything your friend has. Start appreciating what you do have and teach your kids to do the same thing. In addition to that, get out there and start your own business. Use what you know, or the special talents you have to make your own money, be your own boss. There are many government grants and loans available for women that you could tap into. If you want it bad enough, unfortunately you'll have to work hard for it (not everyone has a rich husband, right?). SO stop whining and go make your money, girl!!!

Answer 4

You should never equate money to happiness.

A few reasons:
1) Think about why her kids seem happy. It's very likely because they are used to getting constantly more and more things to amuse them. And, likely, they don't like or perhaps even respect the mother for her personallity but only because she gives them things. So, in the end of the day, she will likely be viewed by her kids just as she views her husband: someone to mooch off. Not fun. You say your house is filled with love, even when they don't own that stuff...well, guess what: love is all you need.
2) This woman owns an SUV and shops all day. Ok, but what does that say about the amount of positive power and influence she has over her kids? Not much. Think about it she can give them a certain brand clothing and they will get treated better as opposed to your teaching your children the social skills they need to be respected no matter what they wear or drive when they get older.
I was brought up under a well-off family who tried to cover up my realization of a degree of lack of social skills by gift giving and had to pay for it badly later in life and teach it to myself...my parents barely had any input or influence in my final lifestyle (and isn't that the kind of influence nearly every parent strives for)?
Consider yourself lucky you are in a position where not only are you faced with the real issues straight out, but you are apparently very good at dealing with them without using richness as a crutch.
3) I agree with you completely about the rent vs. equity/buying problem. My best advice is get some savings together and buy a portable home or even a used fairly large RV (IE Keystone Montana). Preferrably also buy a very small piece of land to park it on in a decent neighborhood (this whole setup should cost no more than $40000 if you do your research).
If you can't afford the land straight out you can usually find an RV park in a good neighborhood for under $400-month. The point, of course, is once you don't have to pay the rent premium that money can go into useful things like savings, educational toys for your kids and/or saving for their educations, and more time for you and your husband to spend at home with them.
4) Things like being able to spend a lot of time with your b/f or husband, having good sex, being in good shape...are going to make you infinitely happier (not to mention longer living) then, for example, having a husband who is rich but rarely there in the scope of his business trips.

Trust me, you are most likely doing a great job, and my general opinion about people who spend money like that, no matter how rich, is they often use it to cover up for skills they do not have (and often get bit back for it later). Just keep your head up and you'll be great don't worry. :-)

Answer 5

I cannot believe they pay cash for everything. In fact, its impossible in this economy to have a mortgage for a house and cars like you discribe, and to pay only cash.

Theres something like 12% of Americans who can live without credit of any kind, and without debt you cannot have credit. Sorry. Its impossible.

46% of all Americans are so far in debt that they cannot afford to make payments on that debt and pay for the costs of living, such as food, heat, and housing. The rest are simply able to make their payments and some how survive, but still have debt.

God Almighty, last year alone the average monthly number of families and business filing chapter 11, or bankruptcy was just under 181000. A MONTH.

You seriously need to get a grip. The more money you have the less you gain, especially when your life involves finding ways to live so extravegantly that others are made jealous and worthless feeling.

And you, being the mother of children, should never EVER allow yourself to get caught up with keeping up with the Jones'. You're teaching your children how to never be happy and content, and to succeed instead of simply gathering things and status.

What a pointless life your friend has. Iam sorry. I know some people have it easier than others, but no one has it that easy. We all have our hardships, and we all have our blessings, and they are all equal in relation to who we are as people.

Even if you had all her money, and all her things, and her lifestyle, you wouldnt be happy, and chances are, you wouldnt be able to enjoy it, or keep it. Because thats the fate of people who are never satisfied.

How sad that you'd teach your children something like that.

I had nothing growing up. Through all three years of middle school I owned 1 pair of shoes, and two pair of walmart jeans. Yet my life has been fuller, weathier, and full of more purpose than any of those damn hilfiger abercrombie yutzes that made my life hell.

You're so busy being miserable, and teaching your children how to be, that youre missing out on the best more enjoyable parts of your lives.

Sad.

Strive to succeed and be prosperous, but do it for the sake of others, not to some how make yourself a glory hound. you can be wealthy and happy, but not by trying to be the best or have the most and nicest things.

Answer 6

Just because she may have all of this stuff does not have a perfect life. Her husband may cheat on her or vise versa. Her kids may act awful when behide closed doors. She could be miserable. Who knows.

You have your own life and kids to worry about. What you have does not make you a bad mom and it does not mean she is the best person ever just because she has material things.

Answer 7

how about you stop being jealous and start making your and your kids lives better???
a better life wont happen if you spend your whole life dreaming about it. get up and do something.
she married some rich guy...big deal. she got lucky i guess. you on the other hand work for everything you have, and you should be proud of that.

i know it can be hard wondering what life would be like if you had a bit more money, but some of us just aren't that lucky. i'm married with 2 kids and we live with my father in law...rent free of course, but still....lol

Answer 8

Oh the world everyone dreams of, money.
First of all one of the 10 commandments says not to covet thy neighbor meaning if you have love and structure then your kids will grow up to believe that to get something their proud of they'll work at it and learn to appreciate it more, trust me the others will have it given to them on a silver platter but one day the platter will be empty and they'll not know which way too go because they weren't taught.

Answer 9

geez, it could be worse..you could be that woman that can't have kids at all and desperately wants to--what do you think she feels when she hears you complain? That woman's kids sound spoiled, yours will work hard, know the value of the things they have and strive for more. Hers will probably be brats, never know the feeling of a hard days work and the true value of what they have. sometimes less is more. hope you learn to feel better about things soon. and hey, wouldn't life be boring if we had nothing left to work for? god, the idea of shopping all day long makes me gag.

Answer 10

You should be thankful you have a home filled with love.
your friend has a home filled with material things that doesn't
keep a relationship with her kids and her at an honest level.
they get it all but the real things they need. love , attention and communication.
having it all means always wanting more and getting it.
her kids will always expect to get the finer things but your kids will
get the true love and respect from you .