Grown daughter with a sense of entitlement...?

Question

ok....our 20 yr. old daughter has a real sense of entitlement. She expects us to pay bills she has incurred when she can't pay them. She is unemployed again and seems unwilling to try to find work that she feel is "beneath"her.... what can I do so make her understand that everyone has to pull their own weight, provide their own way...make their own happiness.

Answer 1

Uh!! don't pay her bills. Let learn the lessons that life throws at you.

Answer 2

Just don't pay the bills or give her any money. I hear parents all the time complain about their kid that's not working and then right in front of me, give that same kid money to go out and have a good time on. But, this is the thing, if you keep helping them out, they will keep taking it. Even if you get angry with them and give them a lecture, they will still not get a job because the lecture was worth the pay off. Ten minutes after the lecture that they got from the parents, the same parents gives the kid $50.00. Shoot I would listen to a five minute lecture if I got paid $50.00. So you see what I mean?

Answer 3

It sounds like she is on the road to ruin.

Not wanting an income source that she feels is "beneath her" is reprehensible.

It sounds to me like you need to give her an ultimatum. It is harsh, but in the long run it will really help her.

Ultimatum's are very difficult to impose on someone whom you care about and love, but they DO work.

I would discuss with my partner exactly how far you are willing to go, and then talk to her.

Make it clear and simple, "You need to start doing something productive. We are giving you 3 weeks to find a job. It doesn;t matter what kind of job, but at the end of those 3 weeks we expect you to start contributing to the household in the way of X-AMOUNT for room and board. If you don't care enough about yourself and about us to do that, then you will need to make other living arrangements within 3 more weeks."

From what you have said she proobably will not do much in that first 3 weeks. be very nice, don't yell or argue. Offer to help her start getting packed. Makle it seem real even. Get some paintbooks from your local Home Depot and make a show of going into the room she lives in and checking the paint colors against the wall. Have open conversations in front of her about what you will be doing with the room once she is gone.

Chances are she will motivate and get something before the end of the second 3 weeks.

If however she does not, you have to stick to your guns. No one wants to see thier child on the street of course, but during that second 3 week period, do some things to put her life into perspective. Take her to the local welfare office to fill out an application for food stampos and monetary assistance. Let her sit with the other people who find jobs to be "beneath them" Let her tell the social workers how so many jobs are "beneath her". Get other people involved, show her what the life she is choosing is like.

Remember an ultimatum is only effective if you are able to follow thru on it. If all the effort you put in in those 6 weeks leads nowhere, give her her welfare check and motel vouchers and bus passes and food stamps and nicely offer her a ride somewhere, but follow through.....

It will NOT be long before she gets a healthy dose of reality and comes around.........

You can always be there for her once she has learned her lesson!

Good luck with this, it is a difficult thing to have to deal with. Be strong and don;t settle. The hurt and humiliation she will feel for those 6 weeks are a LOT less than the fall she is setting herself up for in the future.

Answer 4

Draw up a contract for rent and a list of chores to offset the rent due. Make the rent money the same as any room in the newspaper would go for plus utilities and food...

Create projects like paint the living room...assess the value towards rent due...

Do not cook her a plate at any meals and provide her a small space in the fridge and a cupboard for her food.

Remove anything in her room that she didnt pay for if she gives you any grief - including the bed!!!

Kids need to learn that they get what they have by participating. If she choses to act like a guest in your home - ask her to leave!

DO NOT PAY THE BILLS. Let her credit get ruined - sometimes kids need that to value credit.

Take away use of the car without gas money paid up front and require she wash it each time she uses it!!!

Good luck

Answer 5

Tough Love. Tell her straight to the point that your not playing her bills, she has to pay you rent or move out. Do not back down, do not give in. Tell her she has 24 hours to make up her mind . That she needs to get a job and no she cannot stay until she gets a few checks up to move out. If she leaves, take the house key from her. Tell her to let you know where she will be living and you will have all her bills sent there. If you give an ounce when you do this, you will be back to square one. Act tough, even if you cry like a baby after wards, just do not let her know. My Aunt did that with her daughter and now her daughter is executive assistance to the President of a Oil company, thanks her mom all the time for making her stand on her own two feet. Be surprised how one can get off their butt when they get hungry, or run out of toilet paper to wipe their butt. they learn they need to buy it them self.

Answer 6

Don't pay her bills. Parents today are making a big mistake treating their adult children like kids. Did your parents do that for you? Their parents for them? How about before that? If she's living with you, it's time for that to end too, as soon as possible. Stop the enabling now if you really want to finish bringing her up.

Answer 7

How to make her pull her own weight?...stop enabling her by ..paying her bills,or bailing her out. It's called tough love and it IS tough [ on you] but only when she suffers the consequences will she decide if that is the way she wants to live.. or if its time to grow up.

Answer 8

Too bad too sad for her! Send her to consumer credit counseling service. http://www.cccservices.com/html/education.asp
And do not DO NOT! Pay any of her bills anymore. Sit her down and tell her that she is GOING to CCCS and she is GOING to get a job and pay her own way. Also, if she is living with you give her a move-out date to let her know that he mooching has come to and end. (Give her about 6 months since that is about how long it may take to pay down a good bit of debt)

Answer 9

Im 20 years old, and i know how she feels.
because i also felt it.
But once i started to lose money and not pay for things i wanted...
i started getting scared.
I realized that i had to depend on my mother,and i didnt like that.
So i just started working.
She still think's that you guys can own her.
Have a talk with her, and let her know that she's grown, and she has to start preparing for her life.

Answer 10

this is an on the spot effect of the lack of ability of self-discipline that we've come to reveal as a society. with the aid of fact the tip of WW2, we've discovered that our government will reply to our needs, to boot as our desires- so we shop on asking. a greater effectual definition: As a discern, what happens on your toddlers once you supply them each and every thing they choose for? How do they land up? Self-indulgent, materialistic, money-hungry, spoiled human beings- this is how they land up! i ought to pass on and on with this one, yet i'm optimistic you presently see the respond- no longer in basic terms on your question, yet additionally to with the ability to restoration the mess that we are in!