so heres the deal, i met this guy through some friends, hes real sweet & he likes me ALOT. we have a real good friendship though, talk alot and everything he makes me laugh we have a good time together..so the problem is # 1 i'm not physically attracted too him, i know looks ain't everything, but lets face it, it would effect a relationship! and # 2 i don't think i have the feelings he has for me...i would love too stay friends with him. but he tends to question me, where are u going, who are u with, who were u on the other line with. i'm single for the simple fact that i want freedom after being in a long serious relationship. am i wrong if i tell him too back off a little bit, i don't want to hurt him, & don't want too lose him completely. but i need him too know that i'm not his girl, and have no intentions on it! then the worst part he went spend a ridiculous amount of money on me for x-mas. hes a great guy, but should i keep it real & let him know straight up, its not happening???
2006-12-28 10:21:53 · 21 answers · asked by Erica 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Of course you should. You're just leading him on otherwise. Be nice, explain to him that you really aren't ready for a physical relationship with him but that you enjoy his company. Incidentally, wouldn't some female friends wonder who else you were talking to and where you are going with other friends?
2006-12-28 10:26:11 · answer #1 · answered by Agony Aunt 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing that I would do is to return the expensive gifts that he gave you at Christmas. You're giving him two different messages there. Explain that he's going a little too fast for you right now and that you don't know that you are ready for a relationship or if you ever will be. Explain that you like him very much, as a friend. Give him an inexpensive gift for Christmas and explain that the expensive gifts were beautiful, but totally inappropriate for two people in the kind of relationship you actually have.
2006-12-28 18:26:24 · answer #2 · answered by nkorb1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely! Don't lead him on. Let him know you are really glad you have him as a friend. Be honest that you just don't feel that spark between the two of you, and you would be happier if he was just your friend. The last thing you want on your conscience is a misled, hurt guy who was among one of the good guys out there. He might not be the guy for you, but he's the guy for someone, and you don't want to damage him before he meets her. In fact, you might be able to help him meet her, as soon as you make sure he understands you aren't her. Be prepared to lose his friendship though, he may not take it well.
2006-12-28 18:28:59 · answer #3 · answered by Irish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you don't want him "in that way" HE'S NOT A CHALLENGE...lol You want the guy you can't have, or the guy who you're not sure if he really likes you, bla,bla,etc and the guy who buys you nothing for Christmas...lol, that's the guy you want.. admit it, he's too NICE... (but, he also shows too much jealous behaviour, which is a Baaad sign, so I don't blame you)
You are not being unreasonable at all... It's your life, and you are the one who has to live it, nobody else...
Use the ol' "LET'S JUST BE FRIENDS" B.S... all guys understand that one...lol
Don't lead him on though...
Or give him hope...
Truthfully though...
He does sound like a STALKER, and I don't blame you for being turned off by the guy in any romantic way...
You need a man who when you are with him... you will feel all of the feelings... that you really want to feel... for all of the right reasons...
and this dude just doesn't CUT THE MUSTARD...lol
2006-12-28 18:31:39 · answer #4 · answered by Q&A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be straight with him, just as you put it out here. He clearly is interested, and is going to keep trying to spark your interest if he is not clearly shut down.
When you do this, be aware he may not take it well. He may be angry and it may hurt the friendship. If it does, the friendship may come back when he cools down and gains some perspective. But even with this at risk, if you consider him a friend, tell him so you can both have a better future (even if it doesn't involve a mutual friendship).
2006-12-28 18:26:18 · answer #5 · answered by Paul S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him right now in plain English where you stand. I went through this with a girl who kept stringing me along for about a year because she saw me as her "best friend" and didn't want to lose me. We got closer and closer, and eventually she said she wanted to be with me, but in the end, she said she still only saw me as a "friend" and couldn't see me as a lover (she doesn't know what she's missing by the way!). This cause much more heartache then if she would have nipped it at the bud early on and the words "I love you" would have never got involved. Tell him the truth right now. Don't be selfish about losing him.
2006-12-28 18:37:23 · answer #6 · answered by A T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely let him know that you are only interested in friendship--he should not be asking you where you were, who you were with, where you are going....especially since you two are only friends. You will feel so much better letting him know how it is, and you won't have to worry about it anymore. Good luck!!:)
2006-12-28 18:27:34 · answer #7 · answered by ♥Sodas♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The guy sounds like a controlling jerk.....lucky for you that you're not attracted to him! Tell him straight out that your only interest with him is as friends.....and if he doesn't stop trying to control where you go and who your with, then he's not gonna be your friend for very much longer.
2006-12-28 18:27:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In these situations honesty is always the best policy. By trying to spare his feelings you may be sending him the wrong signal. If he gets to involved you be the one to back off. If he can't read the signs you send him you may have to just say it, usually though it can be avoided.
2006-12-28 18:25:38 · answer #9 · answered by hthr_1974 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely. Let him know the truth, and you should probably return the really expensive Christmas gift....
2006-12-28 18:26:30 · answer #10 · answered by CassandraM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋