I caught my boyfriend looking at porn 4 months ago. We've tried to move past it but ever since then we've been fighting constantly. Recently I've realized that it may be because I've never been able to really forgive him. We just fight about stupid little stuff and it gets blow up into a huge argument. Could this all be caused by me not being able to forgive him? And if so should I and how can I do that when I was really hurt by that?
2006-12-28 09:19:23 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It is painful to have a loved one be less than the image that you had of them....It can be like a death, having to go through a grieving process. Also, it really plays havoc on the security process. When it is revealed that they have short comings, you can't help wondering what other ways you are going to be let down. It's a big illusion buster. But the bottom line, you might as well realize there is no perfect person....and yes....you need to forgive....for him....but much more for yourself. I can only imagine how miserable it is for you to hold people to such high standards....Having said that, I think porn is a depravity....but everyone has had a depraved moment of one kind or another....I say, if he says he will not continue with this behavior, I would let him out of the, "you are never going to measure up again no matter how hard you try" jail. Good luck.
2006-12-28 09:30:26 · answer #1 · answered by ticklemeblue 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've had several girlfriends who have this problem with their boyfriends/husbands, so I'm pretty familiar with how you feel. What you have to realize is that there really is nothing wrong with him looking at porn, as long as he is not obsessing over it and as long as it doesnt affect your sex life. Your boyfriend probably grew up looking at porn and it plays a vital role in his own sex appeal. Its a harmless form of excitement that he is comfortable with and you shouldnt feel cheated on or betrayed in any form. If it bothers you that much you should ask him why he likes porn and maybe you will understand him better. As for the minor bickering, I assure you its completely normal. All couples do this, and unfortunately bickering over little things turns into fights. Sometimes you just have to be the bigger person, swallow your pride, and ask yourself if what you're arguing about is really worth hurt feelings, sore throats, and the silent treatment. I learned the hard way that communication is the key to any relationship squabble, no matter how big or small. Just talk to him :)
2006-12-28 09:29:28 · answer #2 · answered by Crystal O 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you need to find it within yourself to forgive him and move on. You will have a tough time finding a man who does not look at other woman and/or porn every now and then. In moderation, I dont think there is anything wrong with PORN. But some men do become addicted to it...like going to strip clubs. Unless he is excessively watching porn, move on and work it out.
2006-12-28 09:27:26 · answer #3 · answered by arniemail 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you are still hurt by it you should talk to him about why it hurt you. Then talk about how you can get past it. Then again it may be the straw that broke the camels back. Sometimes you are unsure about a relationship and something can happen stupid or not that will just set you off. Decide why it is that you are arguing with him, not just him arguing with you.
2006-12-28 09:25:00 · answer #4 · answered by a h 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I personally do not have a problem with porn as long as it does not interfere with the relationship, or become an addictive behavior, or the porn is sick porn (kids, animals, torture, people using the toilet on one another etc).
HOWEVER, some women dislike porn and do not like their b/f looking at it. If it is that big of a deal to you then maybe you need to find someone who shares your same values. Your man likes looking at porn, you hate it. That's not going to work.
2006-12-28 09:24:52 · answer #5 · answered by ♥♥ Nikki ♥♥ 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
yee, the fights could have been based back to that incident, but it's not your fault that you were disturbed and hurt by his actions... i'd probably be the same way... us women must face the fact that most men do this. if you really care for the guy, and know he's true to you - then moving on would do both of you some good. it's not easy to forgive someone, but it's up to you to decide if it's worth it~
b3st of luck<3
2006-12-28 09:32:40 · answer #6 · answered by aljkgh 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, some things are hard to forget but if you truly love him try to leave it behind, maybe writing a hate letter then burrying it?? Do a google search on how to forgive someone, if you need to, maybe even talkign to a therapist about the pain.
2006-12-28 09:23:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO! marriage is the terrific "bonding %." of a courting. yet of path, all that has style of lost which means these days w/ ppl divorcing left and actual. Marriage could be stressful before each and every thing tho, it includes long term dedication and care and interest to the marriage from the two factors. without those issues, a marriage can cave in immediately.
2016-10-06 03:26:57 · answer #8 · answered by huenke 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly yes, guys naturally look at porn everytime and it is also natural of you to get angry, but to fight because of it everytime is making a simple stuff go big time and it is not sensible.
2006-12-28 09:28:03 · answer #9 · answered by Risa C 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Be an adult and get over it, it's just porn, all the men do this and definitely a lot of women too. watch it with him and have fun, try not to argue about nonsense, otherwise you will end up in divorce court, so it's up to you.
2006-12-28 09:24:04 · answer #10 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋