I have an 8yo who has only met his biological father a few times, as we lost contact after i became pregnant, i finally tracked him down after four years, at first he was really kind and eager to meet his son, but then just cut off llike a switch...i havnt put any pressure on him, yet he has decided until a dna test is done he doesnt want to take part in his life, only problam is i cannot afford the test and he wont help pay for it...so i the meantime my son is losing out on knowing his dad, he wants to know things about his fathers side of the family history even tho he doesnt know his father, its a natural curiosity and i feel he deserves to know this as they are part of the same blood? His father wont share any info at all except for the dribs and drabs i knew of him when we were together nearly 9 years ago...what do i do?
I have also made it clear i do NOT want any child support or anything like that from him, just his input in his life, at least some info and photos ect...
2006-12-28 09:11:55 · 10 answers · asked by Katie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Ok lets re word this a little...
I did take out a loan to have the test at one stage but he then was unavailable...!!! and secondly, it wasnt a result of free love, we were together for not longer than 1month before he had to return overseas, i didnt find out i was pregnant until he had gone by that time he had new phone numbers and no way of contact, we were actually very "careful" and i dont plan on spending money looking for his family just hope that someone may come forward with info... my son knows all about his geneology on my side of the family and deserves to know the same on his fathers...keep in mind it took me four years to find him again,even if he doesnt want anything to do with his life at least my son deserves to know where his blood heralds from...???
2006-12-28 09:45:56 · update #1
I dont think your out of line at all i mean there could be a history of illness that runs in the family or something and if thats true then you need that kind of information to care 4 your son. I think its very important for a child to know both there parents. i never got a chance to meet my father and it often bothers me 2 this day. (Not 2 say he cant be well adjusted without 1) Hey for dna testing you can always sign up for the maury show lol.
2006-12-28 09:48:06 · answer #1 · answered by nobody 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The father clearly suspects that you will ask him for child support at some point, and you certainly should - he has a responsibility to this child.
But he does have a point - he has no way to know that this child is his, so a DNA test is needed. Either you need to save up the money for it, or you need to convince him to contribute to the cost (tell him you will pay the entire cost of the test if it turns out he isn't the father). This should be a top priority for you, because getting a complete medical history for your child can be VITAL to your son's health.
It is natural that your son is interested in his father, but until you can prove this man is the father there may not be much you can do to help him. Even then, the father can't be compelled to involve himself with your son's life... he should provide a medical history and possibly child support, but he can't be forced to be "daddy." Shame on him if he doesn't want to, but that is his right.
2006-12-28 09:48:34 · answer #2 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
usually, if you go through family services, they will either pay for a dna test for you, help out with the cost, or make the man pay. YOU should not have to pay for it, he should. you know he's the father, he's the one that needs confirmation, so he should pay for the dna test. and also have you ever thought of contacting his parents for the information. maybe they would want to spend time with their grandchild as well. and for all the "moral people" that are trying to put it off as your fault, i believe that it is the MANS responsibility to find out if the child is really their, because a mother almost always knows who the dad is. Also, i feel that single mothers have THE hardest job ever, not just by raising the child by themselves but because of how people treat them. they did not create that child on their own, but they are responsible enough to raise and take care of that child. a mother has no choice. and the fathers that ditch, they don't get anything, no bad looks, no "see the price you pay for one night of fun?" they go on with there lives as though nothing ever happened. And again, to katie, try to see if you can get government assistance. it sounds like the the boys father wasn't much more than a sperm doner, and doesn't deserve to have a relationship with YOUR child. If he wont help, and no one else in his family will help, just explain to him that his father didn't want to be a part of his life, and wont cooperate.
2006-12-28 09:45:14 · answer #3 · answered by shabyc411 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand; on one hand you can't afford a DNA test, which you want the biological father to participate in the payment for. BUT, you don't want him to participate in the financial responsibilities of taking care of the child that both of you took part in making? And yet, you want this person to be responsible enough to share his family history with the child. I really think you have the priorities all wrong. I don't think your son is losing out., What is he losing out on; knowing someone who is showing they have no interest in knowing him, nor are they supportive, nor are they offering healthy stability, nor are they willing to participant in your child's life. But yet you think your child is missing out. I think you are the one stuck on this man. The non-involved father is the one missing out.
2006-12-28 09:31:35 · answer #4 · answered by ricepat2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave the morality out please. The whole situation isn't moral. The man has a right to have proof of his paternity. You are way out of line in pushing it until YOU SAVE UP THE MONEY FOR THE TEST. If you had married the guy and there was that legal tie, fine, then you have a right to the info. And you should NOT tell the child who his father is without proof. FREE LOVE is not always free.
2006-12-28 09:18:23 · answer #5 · answered by swamp elf 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He doestn beleive that you will not ask for child support and that why he is asking for the DNA If you can afford to seek info on his family you can afford the DNA test. WHen it comes back positive you will probably get al lthe information you need and then some.
2006-12-28 09:15:33 · answer #6 · answered by fancyname 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it comes down to taking a test to convince him of the reality then take a loan and go ahead with it. In your place, i would compromise anything to help my child meet and know his father.
2006-12-28 09:22:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Another good example of how NOT to behave. Now your child pays the price for your fun, was it worth it?
The truth is, your son should be PART of his fathers family, not an outsider, trying to discover what ever tid bits someone is willing to give him.
2006-12-28 09:16:56 · answer #8 · answered by not4u2c_yet 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think it's more than OK. It's the duty of this man and yourself to provide a complete medical history of his family. God forbid you need it, but this information can save lives.
2006-12-28 09:15:01 · answer #9 · answered by SLASH 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i have two words for you attorney general
2006-12-28 09:14:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋