Do I deserve any blame in this? Please be honest.?

Question

This has been bothering me for years and its taken me years to even admit this and online, anonymously, is really the only place I feel I can talk about it. There was a girl about 4 years ago who was the daughter of one of the teachers in the high school (i was in jr high at the time) she had late stage leukemia, where it couldn't be fixed with anything but a bone marrow transplant and they were having people tested for a match. Anyway at some point during this I saw something about a treatment called chinese bone marrow cleansing but I never mentioned it. they eventually found a match and she had surgery so I figured they wouldn't need to know because that was a better treatment so I never said anything. She died after the surgery of an infection. And for years I've been dealing with "what if" I told them about it. I'm not even positive it's for leukemia, but it's tortured me for years. And part of me figures that they had explored every option because it was so late stage but theres always a part of me that blames myself. Please be honest, you don't know how much I want to put this behind me

Answer 1

Don't blame yourself. I just looked up Chinese bone marrow cleansing(he classic system of purification qigong, attributed to Bodhidharma, the founder of Zen Buddhism. Bone Marrow Cleansing sends healing qi through the bones. Studies suggest positive effects on the immune system.) and I don't think it would have done any good to say anything because I don't think this could cure cancer. Everthing that could have been done for her was done and her cancer was just too advanced. It was just her time. I am sorry you have felt so bad about this but it isn't your fault she died. I hope you can believe this.

Answer 2

You have no reason to feel guilty, when cancer is at that late stage it takes alot of aggressive treatment and even at that, many times it just does not respond.

I'm a cancer survivor and Qigong: Chinese Exercises for Healing includes a bone marrow cleansing exercise, it looks to be just that an exercise and no exercise would remiss or kill cancer. If you had mentioned it to them, it would have given them false hope, and while hope is a good thing for cancer, quackery is not and that's what the bone marrow cleansing is.

The Chinese herbs are being studied though and Chinese medicine does help the body for some things but not something like this.

Answer 3

So what if you had mentioned this so called treatment and she had tried it and it didn't work. Would you blame yourself? I think you did the right thing by not giving her false hope from a false treatment option. Cancer in young people is treated very aggressively and all possible cure avenues are examined. Don't beat yourself up over this "what if" situation and if it continues to bother you then get some grief counseling.

Answer 4

There is no way you can be responsible. I am sure that her oncologist had all of the info available and presented all options to the family. There are some types of cancer that are so aggressive that there isn't much one can do. In any case, unless you were the physician, and withheld information, no, you are not responsible.

Answer 5

It would not have had any bearing at all on curing her leukemia.
If it were a cure for leukemia the world would be using it and that is not the case......no one uses it with true success.

Answer 6

I have had a similar experience, I believe that God answers prayers through people, not necessary one person. When someone is assigned to leave this earth, nothing with cure them. Learn from this, when you feel impressed to tell someone something, don't hold back- it will help you grow, and you won't feel so much guilt about this experience.

Answer 7

dont beat yourself up anymore about his everything that could be dne for her was she dosnt blame you so dont blame yourself