Mothers and sons.?

Question

My oldest son aged 22 said something that a son should never say to a mother. My youngest son aged 18 cant understand why he acts this way . I think he has hurt me once to often, after all he isa grown up man, I should,nt have to be responsilble if things in his life are,nt coming up to his expectations. Cause guess what! he,s just blinkin lazy.

Guy's your right , I guess that was'nt so much of a question, rather than a statement. So the question is. When can you just stop being a mother and just be person. Even when the little sods let you down.

I cant disagree or show how much I appresiate your views. However I feel there is something my son is not telling me. He has never been so abusive towards me. its almost as if he hates me, and the only thing I can do is to protect myself and my youngest son from his attitude.

Answer 1

To be a little blunt Susan, it seems that somewhere along the line you have been too lenient or "soft" with your son. Obviously you have loved him so he cannot be feeling neglected, right? One day HE WILL regret his actions and know the pain he's putting you through.

I think however a quick repremand will have no effect at this stage, which is sad. Any parent bringing up their children in the best way they can and with love and attention deserves love and respect in return.

I can never hope to repay my mum for all she has struggled and been through just for us her children, her selflessness and love is a debt I carry with me always. I love her to bits and tell her and show her the best I can.

Your other son could be the otherside of the coin. Lets hope so, you deserve it.

Ahhh a revised question. Though being a mother you know the answer to this too. You don't stop being a mother, that's the only way your son will realise his mistake. HE is supposed to start being a MAN, though again, he cannot stop being your son.

Answer 2

That is a hard one as I dont think you will ever stop being a mother. If you think that he is not telling you something then you are probably right, so you need to find a way to talk to him. What does he respond to, can you remember a time when you really got on? what did you do then? Try and sit down and talk to him or as he is 22 take him down the pub and talk to him. ( not that I am encourageing him to drink but he might feel more relaxed and not under interregation that way )

Does he still ive at home? If so you need to set rules as well. He cant treat you that way in YOUR house. If he dosent like it he can move out. Its hard to do but might break some barriers.

Good luck and I truely sympthise.

Answer 3

Dear confused and welcome to my world mother,
My son who is 16 now was that way also, he had or still has ODD, oppositional defiance disorder and hates to be told what to do and always put me down, not so much verbally but in his actions and his facial expressions you feel as though your the one who is wrong and your not, there's something he's hiding and he's holding it in, i found out it was drugs and drinking and failing school and his friends that made him the way he was.
Your son knows that NO MATTER what you'll love him even when no one else will and to pick on the little one is easier because it makes him feel in control of your lives, take action any way you can, I'm here if you need a friend.

Answer 4

I once read an article that said the time to deal with a stroppy teenager is when they are 3, nip it in the bud! It's really hard to be strong in the face of a mini tornado, but stories like yours make me more determined to be a hard faced ***** sometimes!!

Sometimes we love our kids so much we want to give them everything. I guess for 4 years your son was the world to you and you gave him everything. By the time his brother came along, you didn't have as much time to give because he had to share you with his demanding older sibling? Your not a bad mum, mibbe just been a bit soft and realised with the younger one that a little bit of neglect is healthy for kids!

No one tells you how to be a parent and I am sure your son will learn his lesson. He is male so still has 23 years before classed as a grown up!

Answer 5

Being a mother never ends! Throughout life your children will often let you down and also fill your heart with pride. Remember that each child is different. Find time, if you can, to go somewhere neutral with your son (coffee bar etc) and ask him to listen to your feelings (ask him not to interrupt until you have finished) Dont worry about remembering everything, make bullet points notes. Try not to accuse, compare or argue with him, explain how much you love him but he can hurt you deeply which leaves a devastating affect on you.
Ask him to think about what you have said to him, not to reply instantly but to mull it over - then finish your drink and enjoy the time you have together.
As for the future, dont give up. Mothers are unique and whether our children realise it or not - we love them.
Good luck

Answer 6

Once a mum always a mum, and that feeling in the pit of your stomach never goes away. I'm currently holding my 18yr old at arms length, she's been an absolute swine and has hurt me dreadfully. We are friends again, but the relationship is strained. I'm happy to hear from her a couple of times a month and we have the odd shopping trip. but she is the finally the adult she always thought she was so now she's told to get on with it. It's not easy being so hard faced, but like you I have younger children to think about, and my life is my own.

Answer 7

wow..first of all i'm really sorry about this. well, trust me i know about this cause i have a brother taht age,, well he's at that age now where he is looking to find a girlfriend settle down. you should punish him, as long as he is under ur roof, he follows ur rules, never give into him, this just shows you he is immature..whatever he called you. he just is probably overwhelmed going out into the world, talk to him calmly, let him know you are there for him and will help him no matter what. he is ur son, i'm sure he loves you very much. GROUND HIM if he disobeys you..after all he is under your roof right? oh, and tell your son that what kind of role model is he being for his younger brother? he will probably feel bad, and will stop this behaviour, at least for his younger bro, trust me. and one more last piece of advice: YOU SHOULD NEVER STOP BEING A MOTHER. as long as you are on this Earth, you are there for your sons, you gave birth to them, so remember no matter how old they are they still need your nurture and comfort for some things. good luck!

Answer 8

My son is adorable but sometimes decides that he will walk all over me no matter what for no apparent reason... I won't let him; never have, never will. It leads to upset sometimes, but he does thank me for helping him keep on the right path.
It's time to tow the line, Susan. Face his attitude, confront him and be extremely firm -it may not be too late, he still needs his mum. Make the decision that you want respect and demand it. You don't know how to? Just do what he does.

Answer 9

There comes a time when a child is responsible for himself. And he's certainly reached it by the age of 22. You've done your duty.

Hard though it may be for a mother, as it is natural for a mother to nurture, the best thing you can do for him is to make him understand that he is now (or should be) a responsible adult, taking responsibility for his own actions, and standing (or falling) by them. The longer you go on taking responsibility for him and saving him from his failures, the longer he can go on evading his responsibilities and avoiding growing up.

Do not tolerate rudeness and bad manners.

Answer 10

I think that if someone doesnt want help you cant help them... if he lazy then just worry about you and your 18 year old hopefully except more from him. also not much that you cant do but you would need always worry a bout yourself you will aleay be a mother... for for the rest of your life.. you cant punish a 22 years old man but you can ask him to leave..