Is this family a reflection of reality or it is highly dysfunctional?

Question

Im not sure if this family has the "normal" problems family usually have, or this family is just really messed up.
My husband's grandfather's mother was neglectful and obsessive, the father was alcoholic and physically abusive. The grandfather grew mistrusting woman so he became "macho" and has some hate towards women so he married a woman who was pretty passive, she was also pretty obsessive, the grandfather is kinda controlling and has an addiction to cigars. They had 3 children (my husband's mom, aunt and uncle) my husband's mom (my mother in law) is kinda obsessive, she buys compulsively, is kinda controlling, and gets irritated easily, her sister is very nervous, she needs to take anxiety medicine, the uncle is alchoholic.
Well, it sounds sucky but all of this people also have a good share of good qualities.
My mother in law, father in law and husband insist that their situation is just "reality" and that I have a rose colored view of life.

Answer 1

...

all realities reflect realities.

the word dysfunctional was invented by people who thought they understood psychologies.

but......they whom use this term "dysfunctional"....may be said to have a 'dysfunctional' reflection of reality if there is failing to recognize/realize what is the 'function' of relationships. and this you will seldom hear of men and women who manipulate this term sometimes at the expense of some relationships and more full truth of others and their own.

now hear.

all realities exist because there are conditions which co-create the reality. if one condition changes....the reality is changed by the absence of the prior condition or the change of other conditions which were changed because of the changed condition..(in other words.....by the loss of one condition the reality is changed and so may other conditions which co-created for the reality..to be.)

conditions are reality. and they are changed for perceived better or perceived worse by changing conditions and communications (or not) for the purpose.

the "good share of good qualities" you characterize this family as having is what supports and is recognized to thrive in spite of the conditions which create life difficulties by enabling or disabling the good character which is common of all people.

but let me guess....you have heard that there are bad people which are unworthy of love or life.

i know....i have met both.

and both are loving. both have fears. both are human. but both.....

do not have the same powers of consciousness which enable realizations of fullness. (but each are able and will change.....change is constant....believe it).

but otherwise......you are making personal psychological imperatives from very little supporting fact or information and therefore your realization of them is unfull....untrue.

for to be "neglectful" and "obsessive" are words which draw character from experiences which we ourselves may know little/much about.

but within each individual....a person is "neglectful" or "obsessive" because of the full condition of the person which is not here anymore to defend/support this or that realization.

no....you have good questions...but you needed better information to sort through your examinations.

do not judge these people. even if your family conditions are different than the family of another or that you may wear rose-colored glasses.

the rose colored glasses you may wear also have supporting conditions which enable your ideals and experiences to be so.


be well......keep your glasses free of the spots others spit from their prejudicial mouths. always ask for supporting facts/information and be vigilant against partial truths or deceptions.

you will find that your ideals will remain in tact much easier if you do be have so.

be well all ways

Answer 2

From my experience obsessiveness is passed down the generations and it goes hand in hand with being controlling. The only way to stop it is by acknowledging the problem and as a generation make sure you do not behave in the same way. Good luck and well done for asking the question. Life may not be rose tinted but you can make it better.

Answer 3

There are "issues" in every family. What happened three generations ago shouldn't be something you worry about. We are all responsible for our own actions, and our pasts or our parents are not to blame for the way we relate to the world. Half the world takes anxiety medication and smokes cigars, etc.

Really, this is totally normal. What's not is dwelling on all of it and insisting that there's something highly dysfunctional in all of it. You're family is just as functional as the next one. Enjoy your life and your family and smile at all their eccentricities.

Answer 4

I wouldn't say it is normal but it is pretty common though, and pretty obvious considering the situation your mom-in-law grew up in.

Well but you have mentioned that they have a good share of positive traits so how about focusing on them and being happy? They could have turned a lot worse in such a repressive and regressive environment.

Answer 5

Most families are bred from dysfunction that is passed on from one generation to another, that is until the cycle is broken. Just don't let the past of others be visited upon your life, have a happy and healthy life.

Answer 6

You have them all sussed out don't you? I wonder if they would describe themselves in such a way & if they were to describe you...how would that be?
Not how you would describe yourself I bet...

They all sound about average to me I'm afraid. We don't live in a perfect world & we (humans) are not perfect either, there's a definite pattern built up there don't you think? if I were you I'd home in on the good qualities you speak of & take the rest with a pinch of salt...Everyone has their traits to deal with...be careful yours are not of the judgemental kind.

Answer 7

that is the norm but you can try to change it in small ways my father in law was not a loving man nor was he mean but just did not show love after i came along i love to hug and talk my husband and mom in law his son and wife saw a change in him then when we had kids wow he was a kid him self again he would go out to the store something he never would do unless mom was sick but he would buy dippers for the baby before he was born.

Answer 8

From what you have said, can't see any dysfunction in there. There does seem to be a slight tendency towards nervousness however,. so I would just ensure that any future children you may have will be given constant and repeated opportunities to experience self esteem and self validation so that they gain confidence.

Answer 9

hard to define what normal is as everyones definition of what a normal family is is different depending on their own personal experiences in life.We all perceive what we are familiar with as normal as the reality is we know no different it is our "normal"
personally i think they sound pretty normal as typical as very few of us are fortunate enough to live in an ideal family situation

Answer 10

sounds kind of normal to me

its VERY interesting how the baggage gets passed from one generation to the next.