He wants to quit his job, sell his house move in with me and go to Culinary school. He is too young for a mid life crisis. I think it is a bad idea, for many reasons.I think he should stay where he is and avoid the food industry. I believe being around food makes him happy and he should see a psychiatrist more than anything else. My daughter doesnt see it my way either.I know they are making the wrong decision , what should I do?
2006-12-28 08:29:16 · 18 answers · asked by jimmy Mac 1 in Health ➔ Diet & Fitness
My cousin had gastric bypass surgery and lost over 300 lbs. She loves to cook and always has, but it hasn't affected her goals. I would not let my son in law and daughter move back in with me, especially if they were not homeless because they had no money. You have to think about what kind of change it is to lose a substantial amount of weight. Because he has shed so many pounds, he probably wants to shed the rest of the life he acquaints with being overweight. There are ways to be employed full-time and go to school (I myself do it). I think it is your responsibility as a mother to say no and force them to make their plans happen on their own. If you do not fully support the idea, then you should not take part in it.
Also to the person who inquired about not being able to eat but only a certain amount of food..... even though you can't eat that much (you will usually vomit any extra food), you have to be very careful WHAT you eat. For someone who has weighed 400-500, their metabolism is so low that even the smallest amount of calories will make them gain a substantial amount of weight. In addition, someone who has had gastric bypass also has to exercise or they will quickly plateau.
2006-12-28 08:51:01 · answer #1 · answered by Holy Macaroni! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since your son in law has lost all that weight, I do not believe he is going through a mid life crises, he feels more confidence in himself and wants to make changes. There are times in your life where you get in a rutt and you finally wake up and want to do something about it. No more being stagnent. Time to better myself, time to do things that I want to do or have longed to do. I feel you should be supportive as a parent, granted you are entitled to your opinion, but if you are not comfortable with some or all of his life changes, maybe you should suggest some alternates. You have to realize that your son in law wants or rather feels the need to make these changes and he is letting you know what he plans to do, so no matter what, changes will be made. For example, if you don't want them moving in with you then suggest other living situations, maybe renting an apartment and saving the money they received from selling their home. This way you are supporting the decision to sell the home, but do not like the fact they will be living with you. If you do not like his new career choice, then suggest a different profession that you feel he will have some interest in. If he is set in his ways for Culinary school, I agree that he should work part-time at a restaurant to get a feel of things. If he is set on that career he must know that once he graduates most restaurants do not pay well, unless you dedicate many years in the industry, working your way up the ladder creating a name for yourself. It requires a lot of time a dedication. I have 2 friends that graduated from Culinary School, worked at a restaurant and ending up quitting and went back to their old job because they didn't make enough money to sustain. Or you can open your own restaurant, which is a whole new avenue in itself.
All in all try to be supportive as possible and suggest alternatives. You do not want him to have resentment towards you. It will hinder on the relationship you have with your daughter and your son in law.
2006-12-28 09:08:27 · answer #2 · answered by ao19978 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From your son-in-laws perspective, he has just accomplished one of the major goals of his life. He feels he can do anything. IT (computers) can be a very draining field, and a diversion may be a good thing.
If I were in his situation, I would try to find a part time job in the kitchen in a real restaurant (not fast food) to see what it's really like. Then I could make an informed decision, knowing that it will take several years of work to return to my current income levels.
For you, I offer this advice. Take heart. You have gained another 10-15 years with your son because of his weight loss. If he loses two or three years finding himself, that is still a win.
-ejay
2006-12-28 08:43:09 · answer #3 · answered by EjayHire 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand how this involves you, considering they want to live with you. BUT, it is not your place to make his life decisions for him. Maybe he feels bored at Verizon, and would like to turn over a new leaf. And if he does gain the weight back, so what? As long as they are happy...
Why can't he go to school and work?
2006-12-28 08:32:08 · answer #4 · answered by mzindica 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seriously, I think your son in law should get counseled by a phyciatrist, he has made some very poor choices in his life and ballooning up to 400 lbs is a perfect example. I believe that after he has come to light with himself, he could go on the way he chooses. I wish him the best of luck.
2006-12-28 08:33:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You're not a psychiatrist. Don't assume that being around food is his problem. Let him make his own decisions. He could end up being a great chef. Making 50k a year doesn't necessarily make you happy. Let him live his dream.
2006-12-28 08:39:56 · answer #6 · answered by bon b 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He doesn't sound very mature. Most everyone has to sacrifice n do both, work n go to school. If he really wants it, he will do it on his own. It's ur daughters place to help him. Wish them the best but I wouldn't advise giving them use of ur house. If it all falls thru, u will b stuck with them indefinitely.
Good luck!
2006-12-28 08:50:54 · answer #7 · answered by •♦๑•TxRose•♦๑• 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should let him do whatever makes him happy. And with the type of surgery that he has, isn't it true that his body can only disgest a certain amount of food, so it doesn't really matter if he's around food all the time.
2006-12-28 08:33:58 · answer #8 · answered by thesunshineking 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't approve, be supportive in their endeavors, but dont offer up your home. Bad idea, I've been there. If they are adult enough to make such a big decision like that, then they are big enough to not have to move in with momma.
2006-12-28 09:03:05 · answer #9 · answered by A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes you just have to let your kids make their own mistakes. You should encourage your son to do what he feels he's meant to do. Him moving in with you is probably not the best idea, though.
2006-12-28 08:31:53 · answer #10 · answered by Amigurl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋