I have a friend who is a sounding board and very supportive, but I am afraid that he is becoming too attached to me. I am afraid that someone is going to get hurt, and feel guilty for enjoying his company.
2006-12-28 08:14:53 · 17 answers · asked by msfeliz777 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
It is if you do not go to your spouse first. Infidelity is not merely limited to the physical realm; there is such a thing as emotional cheating. The fact that you feel guilty about your friendship demonstrates that something is amiss.
Honest advice: tell your husband that you've been turning to another man for emotional support. Chances are that he will be angry initially but it may be a wake-up call for him to be more attentive. Good luck!
2006-12-28 08:25:36 · answer #1 · answered by Caity.Esq. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is not wrong to seek emotional support outside of your marriage. But there are some important questions to ask first!
1. If your support is "becoming too attached," what are his real intentions? Why are you getting support from this person, and not other people (family and friends)?
2. Are you not able to get this support from your marriage? If not, then you've got a serious problem on your hands. It may be time to talk to your husband and get a marriage counselor. If this is an issue, then your friend is the least of your problems.
I think the real question you are asking here is, "What is wrong with my marriage?" Maybe I am reading too much into it, but you might want to back off of your relationship with the friend until you resolve your problems with your husband. In the meantime, diversify your support circle! There have to be other people out there to talk to, at the very least a professional counselor.
2006-12-28 08:22:55 · answer #2 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are feeling guilty, then you must know that you're doing something wrong at least subconsciously. There is such a thing as emotional cheating and this sounds like it could possibly be one of those instances. There is nothing wrong with having a friend to talk to. It's healthy. But there is a fine line between platonic relationships and emotional cheating. Let's say hypothetically, that you walked to your car after shopping and realized your car had been broken into. After calling the police and your insurance company, who would you call next to comfort you? Your husband or your friend? The answer to that question will help you figure out if the relationship is inappropriate or not.
2006-12-28 08:28:59 · answer #3 · answered by Just gorgeous dahling 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not wrong to seek emotional support outside of your marriage. Many people seek emotional support from friends, siblings, parents and relatives if they are not getting it from their spouse. On the other hand, if you're not getting any emotional support from your spouse, I would talk to him and tell him you need more emotional support. After all, your spouse is supposed to be your best friend.
2006-12-28 08:41:35 · answer #4 · answered by Citygirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are many excellent answers here. Just one thing to add. If it were the other way around, how would you feel?
I've had male friends that have also been of emotional support to me, but my primary support always comes from my husband.
If there's a lack of emotional intimacy between you and your significant other seek counseling to work on that issue.
2006-12-28 08:35:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I wouldn't say its "wrong" to seek emotional support from a member of the opposite sex outside your marriage, but I will say that its not good for the health of your marriage.
"Seeking emotional support" is code for building an emotionally intimate relationship with someone else. If you are putting your energy into building an emotional relationship with another man you are going to have less energy for building your relationship with your husband. Likewise, if you are getting emotional support from another man then you will feel less need to get it from your husband, which tends to lead to you invest less effort into your relationship with your husband.
Finally, the more emotional support you get from another man, the more attached you will get to him. If you let it go far enough, you will end up more attached to the other man than your husband, at which point you may consider divorce.
Building and maintaining intimate relationships takes a lot of work, and realistically most people can barely keep up with one intimate relationship at a time. If you try to keep two going nothing good is going to come from it.
2006-12-28 08:36:44 · answer #6 · answered by Andy F. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, sometimes our friends understand us better than our own spouses, but the problem lies in what CAN happen, and you don't want that..if you truly love your spouse, then you must back off and do what is right, and end the relationship with this person, or at least, cool it with them...It is hard not to get attached, but I have found much comfort in my friends outside of my marriage...The key though, was to make sure that they knew up front, that I was very much in love, and there wasn't anything in the future or down the line that they would get hurt OVER...if you know what I mean...God Bless, and do the right thing
2006-12-28 08:33:15 · answer #7 · answered by MotherKittyKat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Emotional affairs are often a lot more damaging than physical affairs.
It is more upsetting for a partner to know that their partner fancied someone emotionally rather than just physically, usually because physical can be a spur of the moment thing whereas emotions are exchanged over a longer period of time.
If you need a sounding board try a member of the same sex, who is in a relationship and you will get a much more honest opinion.
2006-12-28 08:25:55 · answer #8 · answered by Julian K 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're stating that you feel guilty for enjoying his company...then you should stop this outside emotional support and let him know why. Talk to your husband and if he's willing (he should be) to work with you with your problems, then you'll become closer to your husband and not this outside friend. If your husband isn't willing to work with you, then find a counselor who wouldn't be involved in a romantic way with you. If you marriage ends in separation..then go to this friend you mention in your question. Wish you the best.
2006-12-28 08:26:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not wrong, but you have to be very careful who you choose, and once you do, you have to make sure this other person doesn't get a wrong message, and, like you say, become too attached. After all, it's something related to your marriage and this is a very delicate matter, and, frankly, you're asking for even more trouble if you already know your friend has wrong thoughts.
2006-12-28 08:29:08 · answer #10 · answered by gaban24 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋