Why is it so hard? And how to make it easier. I have a 12 year old stepdaughter who I've known since she was 6. She lives with us and visits her mom every other weekend. Her dad was in Iraq for a year and I cared for her during that time. This has killed our relationship, with me having to make and enforce rules. Even though her Dad is home now, my relationship with my step daughter just seems to have so much resentment. How can it be repaired?
2006-12-28 07:59:20 · 3 answers · asked by SleeplessSuz 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Because anything that is worth something is hard.
2006-12-29 03:47:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ugh...I hear you, and unfortunately, the truth isn't wonderful to hear. Why is it so hard? Because she would rather have her mom and dad together. How to make it easier? Another hard question. I would acknowledge that the situation isn't one that she would've chosen for herself, I would reinforce that you're not there trying to take her mom's place, but that you do have to be the responsible adult in her life while her dad's away, and his partner while he's home. Be honest with her, it's not easy for you either, but you love her and her dad, so you're going to try your best. Admit when you make mistakes, it makes you seem more human and not a "know it all"....it will be repaired over time, a great amount of time, as she matures, and begins to see you as a loving person, not the STEP MONSTER....
Good luck to you.
Step mom of 3....
2006-12-28 16:55:17 · answer #2 · answered by salemgirl1972 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't try to be her mother, all you can do is just be her friend. It wasn't fair for your husband to not have explained to her that while he was away, she would have to listen to you. You need to sit down with her and your husband and have an honest and open discussion. Explain to her that you are not trying to be her mother, she already has one, but you do love her and want the two of you to have a relationship. Your husband should explain to her that even though he and her mother are no longer together that nothing was her fault for one thing and that you are his wife now and he wants to make a family with the 3 of you. She needs to know that she is loved, she is safe and that you both encourage her to visit with her mother whenever she wants. She needs to know that now that her father is home, there is no resentment toward her if she wants to visit her mother or if she has a good relationship with you, her stepmother. Good Luck!
2006-12-28 19:08:02 · answer #3 · answered by Bren 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋