My ex cheated on me and I left . It has been 3 years and he still acts like I cheated on him. He has married and started another family. He doesnt participate in any activities with my children and his wife talks about me to the family and because I am still close with them they tell. me I really just want to tell my kids the hell with their dad would I e wrong. I should I just contiue to kill them with kindness and let the chips fall where they may.
2006-12-28 07:39:12 · 9 answers · asked by meche_k6611 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It's a control issue. If he knows he can still get to you with being a jerk, you let him win.
Don't candy coat things with the kids. When the kids ask why daddy didn't make it to a birthday party, simply say he had other things to do. They aren't dumb. They will know sooner or later if you are lying to them to be straight.
Let the wife talk. Everyone knows that she is talking out of jealousy and your ex's side of the story.
There's also no sense in being kind to them. Just be civil, the way you would be socially polite to a major jerk of a boss. Why waste your kindness on someone who does not appreciate it?
2006-12-28 07:46:28 · answer #1 · answered by thezaylady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's probably bitter because you left him because he was dumb enough to cheat in the first place and then get caught. Like all guys that do things like cheating they feel they are never in the wrong and like you did something to him to make him want to cheat. Of course they could never be the problem in their own eyes, it's always about how their feelings are the ones being crushed. He knows he screwed up and the only way for him to get over what happened is to put the blame on you. That's why his new wife and him talk badly about you. As for never wanting to spend time with the kids, he probably doesn't feel comfortable being around you because it reminds him of what he did and what he lost. You should never not allow your kids to see their parent, as knowing who your parents are, are a huge part of your identity, but make sure that you are monitoring what types of things your ex might be saying about you to your children.
2006-12-31 11:16:52 · answer #2 · answered by liz04ca 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is treating you like that because you let him...He has decided in his mind that you were the cause of the break up and he is going to continue to believe it. Mine did the same thing! I tried for years to put up a front to my kids and tell them that just because we were not together it doesn't mean we don't love them...but his lack of interest and visits proved otherwise. Stay neutral infront of your kids, but be honest...they'll figure it all out themselves..........mine are now 14 and their father sent them an email this summer asking if they still wanted to see them or not.....he ASKED the kids ....My lawyer told us not to respond. Now he thinks in his mind that the kids decided they don't want to see him and he fells like he is released from the duty........he doesn't seem to realize that it is NOT theoir choice - it's his............ but it was all his mind needed to justify it.........they haven't seen him since March. He didn't acknowledge their 8th grade grad and didn't contact them for xmas.......but I am remarried to a wonderful guy who is a great step dad....you'll find yours, too. Keep looking and good luck.
2006-12-28 07:49:13 · answer #3 · answered by jachooz 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is acting like a jerk so that others wouldnt know that it was him who cheated and not you. You can always ignore what he says or fight back by telling the truth. As for your kids, you can let them know the truth and hopefully they will understand what you are saying. Good luck
2006-12-28 07:45:50 · answer #4 · answered by Jon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorces dont change jerks. You would be doing more damage to your kids by stooping to his level. He is still their dad. Take the high road and be sure that what goes around comes around, and someone , somewhere will get even with him for his wicked ways.
2006-12-28 07:43:15 · answer #5 · answered by fancyname 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Killing people with kindness is very hard to do when your aggravated. Just try to not pay any mind to that family. Don't say to much and keep things very direct. Act like nothing bothers you even though it does. Good luck and keep biting your tongue.
2006-12-28 07:45:16 · answer #6 · answered by aimstir31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that is history! Just get over it! Omg that is sooo freaking mean that he does that! You never did anything wrong!!!!! Tell him that there his kids and he gets one more shoot at being nice. If not, he will never see his kids again. That will scare him.
2006-12-28 07:43:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he can be a jerk cuz he is married, its like a kind of licence for that
I like that last line, I'd go with that.
2006-12-28 07:42:26 · answer #8 · answered by kurticus1024 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what kind of chips?
2006-12-28 07:42:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋