Is it reasonable that I am so upset?

Question

Last night I talked to my boyfriend online (long distance relationship) and as he opened a gift I had gotten him. He immediatly told me that though he appriciated the thought I should not have bought him that because he didn't like it. (I bought him cigars, he is a regular cigar smoker, but appparently the specific kind I got wasn't something he wanted even though it is a brand he likes.)
Now at this point I guess I was upset and a little shocked that he had been so rude. I understand that he has to tell me at some point that his taste is different than what I thought, and I DO want him to tell me that he doesn't want me to buy him certain things, but I think he could have waited longer than the exact point that he opened the gift. (We have been dating for a year and a half and he has never said anything about it until now.) Am I being rediculous because I am mad, or was it as rude as I think it was?

Like I said, it doesn't bother me so much that he told me, it was the way he said it and WHEN he said it. I think he could have waited at least a few minutes. There was NO tact to it at all...

Just a little update, he and I talked about it and I am sure he FULLY understands that he screwed up and he appologized, how about we put this to a vote?

Answer 1

I can't see a problem here. Would you rather he lied to you about it?

Answer 2

If he was ungrateful and rude when he told you, then mabey he is not the guy for u? If he told you in a nice way, it think it's acceptable. A part of getting to know each other better is sharing you likes and dislikes. Mabey you were disappointed because you had high hopes that he "that was the perfect gift" and it was not. Again, if he was nice about it, then take it with a "grain of salt" and you now have learned something new. If he was rude, and you think this is the guy for you, then tell him how you feel. Communication is the #1 key to a healthy and good realtionship. Keeping these type of feelings cause friction between you 2. Good luck

Answer 3

Your making a mountain out of an ant hill....

He was being kind with communication...wouldn't you want to know if he really likes what he bought you?

I think you need to apologize to your man about that because now you scared him into thinking to be honest with you.

Also, I would have handled it in a more grown up way....I would have stated...oh I'm sorry but I appreciate that you were honest with me and expressed how you enjoyed the thought. Anyways, I'd love to go with you sometime and get the cigars you really like.

Answer 4

I don't think it was rude of him, if you guys have been together for that long, maybe HE was hurt by the fact that you didn't know his specific brand of cigars. I think that was a silly reason to be upset, he still thanked you. Men don't function on the same wavelength as women, and while there are still good men out there, we just have to learn to filter out the true meanings of their intent.

Answer 5

I don't think it was rude for him to tell you. I mean, how long was he supposed to wait? He may have said it in a rude way, but since you were right there, why shouldn't he tell you? I'm sorry he didn't like the gift. I don't know anything about cigars, but I would encourage him to exchange them for something he wants and just don't worry about it.

Answer 6

You are fine, I would never do that to my girlfriend. He should have waited a couple of months and if it came up in conversation to talk about it. He then could just say they weren't his favorites, but tell you another kind he preferred. A man should never do that to his girl, I am sorry he did that to you. There is a thing called being polite. He wasn't.

Answer 7

Perhaps he could've been more tactful but as long as the two of you have been together, he should be able to be up front and honest with you.

It's okay to be upset that they weren't what he preferred but don't take it too hard or be too upset with him. I'd prefer the blunt honesty to having someone who didn't communicate or just let you think it was perfect, then gave it away or discarded it.

Answer 8

yeah... what ever happened to 'it's the thought that counts?'

on one hand, he could have not said anything and on the other hand he could have not told you he appreciated the sentiment... i don't think i would have taken it so personally but when you're in a relationship, you have these EXPECTATIONS that kind of screw things up and change the way you might usually react in situations. so next time you'll know that if you want to get him any gifts, cash or a gift card it'll be. ungrateful jackass. ;)

Answer 9

Depending on how he said it then, you may or may not have a good reason to be upset. Just realize that however he did say it, he most likely Did not mean anything rude by it. And he probably hasent thought twice about how he said it. Like you said, he has to tell you sometime. But it is completely natural to have your feelings hurt. i know that i have felt like that before when that happened to me. But i just said "hey, now i know what he doesnt like and its not really a big deal anyways,." good luck

Answer 10

I can see why you'd be upset, seems like he needs a lesson in tact. Don't be afraid to tell him that how he said what he said offended you and hurt your feelings. You shouldn't have to be with somebody that makes you feel that way if they don't appreciate you.
(I smoke cigars and I would appreciate the thought and sentiment... *hint hint*) :o)
Good luck!

Answer 11

that was a bit rude of him to say that, and the thing is that its the thought that counts and the fact that you got him a gift. but guys will be blunt when it comes to something that they enjoy and the only thing you can do is tell him that it was the thought and that at least you now know his preferences.