It's Cool, We Can Still Be Friends?

Question

My ex broke up with me a couple of weeks ago. I really like him so it's been rough trying to get past it. But it's become increasingly difficult now that he wants to be friends. We talked last night and he was mentioning that he wanted to hang out and go get coffee or go bowling next week like we used to. I told him that I was hesistant about the idea and he asked why. Then at the end of our convo he called me by the pet name that he used for me when we were going out. I called him by his name and he asked me why I didn't call him by the nickname I had for him. Huh?!? I don't want to be one of those girls he just "hangs out" with because he means so much more to me than that. I don't want to end what we have left but it's just awkward being friends with someone who knows so much about you and has seen everything...emotionally and physically...that you have to offer.
Advice?

Yeah, you still kiss me, but it's just on the cheek
Yeah, you still kiss me, but it's just on the cheek
Yeah, you still kiss me sometimes, but it's just on the cheek
You pull away so easily

And I still call you, but I get your machine
And I still call you, but I get your machine
And if I'm lucky, I guess, it's your roommate answering
But you're at the bar, or at Gene's

And we go to dinner, but you won't hold my hand
We sit at the same table, but we don't play with our feet
Yeah, we still go to dinner sometimes, but we don't sneak a kiss
When the waitress turns around

And we still watch movies, but we don't share the couch
And we still rent movies, but we don't share the couch
Yeah, we still watch movies sometimes, but you don't lay in my lap
The plot is slow, take a nap

You even stay over, but we stay in our clothes
Yeah, you'll even stay over, but now we stay in our clothes
Yeah, you even sleep over sometimes, but we stay in our clothes
I'm only there so you

Answer 1

I know exactly how you feel. Some ex men are real easy to be friends with, (although i would find it odd to call him by his pet name lol.) But there is always going to be some that you were so emotionally connected to that you JUST CANT be friends.
This is how I determine it:
If I can imagine myself telling this person about someone new I am really feeling, If I can imagine sitting next to the person and not feeling the little buterflies, If i can imagine seeing them kissing a new girl and not feel hurt, then i can try a friendship.

If I can't see them in even ONE of the categories above, I simply let them know I think it is best we just go our seperate ways.

Answer 2

I was in the exact same situation, my boyfriend and I dated for about 2 years and he broke up w/ me but still wanted to be friends. I was at his house everyday for about 2 weeks when I realized that I was not getting over the break up, i was simply just wallowing in it. I would take a couple months and not see him or have any interaction. You have to take care of yourself first and he is getting the best of both worlds by being free yet still having you right there for him. Make him have a consequence for breaking up with you. After I stopped seeing my ex boyfriend while we were broken up we got back together because he realized what he lost. Good luck!!

Answer 3

Maybe in the past couple of weeks, he has re-considered.
Maybe he does want the relationship back that you 2 had together but is too embarrassed to say so and thinks you have moved on. Why not call him and ask him to be honest with his feeling and you do the same.
Don't think being "buddies" will work for you though. Don't know if it will for him or if that's what he is REALLY thinking.

Good luck.

Answer 4

I think you definitely need a detox period from him. Cut all communication - emails, phone calls, etc - for at least a month. Maybe even longer - as long as it takes until you don't think about him everyday!

Then - and only then - could you maybe try and forge a friendly relationship with him. It sounds like he needs to have separation from you too, since he's having trouble letting go of you.

If he truly wants to be your friend, then he should respect your need to re-discover yourself as an individual and be willing to wait in the wings until you are ready for a friendship!

Answer 5

In my opinion, you should step away. This sort of stuff ALWAYS leads to drama, just like it did with me and my ex. He's just wanting to hang on to you because you're familiar and he knows you still care, but he still wants to look for something "better." You're better off without this guy, from what I can tell from your question. There are guys out there who can offer more than this guy. Good luck!

Answer 6

You need time and distance. It seems like he wants to have a relationship with you but doesn't really want to commit. I'd tell him that you need some time and that you can't really act like you guys were when you were together if you guys aren't. If he can't understand that then you don't need him. And he is being very selfish.

Answer 7

if your trying to get over him goin out is not a good idea.....also, it seems like he still likes you but dont give in with just being friends if being in a relationship is what you want.

Answer 8

OOOOH he wants his cake and eat it too. He is trying to have the comfort of your company but with the option to date. I don't think so! He is your "friend" or your "boyfriend" not both!

Answer 9

if 2 past lovers remain friends theyre either still in love or never were

Answer 10

You have to be straight up with him - all or nothing
- especially if it hurts you to have him treat you so casually.

How does he expect you to react if he introduces you to a new girlfriend?