Me and my fiance announced our engagement a few months back, well one of my cousins is a photographer (sort of), she has never done a wedding before but she is a good photographer, well we talked and she is thinking that she is doing my wedding pictures when neither me or any of my family mentioned that idea to her, thats the problem we already have a photographer for the wedding, and she is a close friend of ours. Honestly I would really rather have someone with experience do our wedding but yet I dont want to break my cousins heart because she is very excited about doing my wedding pictures, I dont know how to break it lightly to her. I was thinking that she could video record it for us so she wouldn't feel so left out, but still I am in a pickle and if anyone has been through this please let me know what you did about it or if anyone has any suggestions, thanks.
2006-12-28 06:29:23 · 9 answers · asked by Andie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Asking her to act as videographer would be a good idea, but if she's more into photography, she may be disappointed with that. You could also ask her to do an engagement photo shoot or something similar - maybe casual shots of the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, family gatherings before the wedding, bridal party getting ready, etc. (Assuming theres something there that your official photographer won't be doing.) That makes her feel like her skills are valuable, without giving her the whole thing. (And it's important to go with a photographer you trust and has experience at weddings.)
You could approach it like, "We'd really like to have you take some photos before our wedding, to complement those that the offical photographer will be taking. She'll be photographing the ceremony and reception, but we were wondering if you might be interested in taking pictures of [whatever] and being our official videographer at the wedding." You could approach it as if you think she already knows that someone else is the photographer, allowing her the opportunity to gracefully pretend that the misunderstanding didn't take place. (You could even send her a nice card instead and try to make it a special thing, to allow her to absorb it in her own time.)
If she makes a big point of it though, you could say that your friend had already offered to do this as a gift, and since she has a lot of wedding experience, you're very pleased to have her. Be firm if you need to though, so that she doesn't think there's a possibility you might change your mind.
Congratulations and good luck!
2006-12-28 07:16:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just let her know you had hired a photographer before you knew she was interested. Ask her to videotape for you, and ask her if she will do your engagement photos!! That way, if she doesn't do a great job, you can have her do them again, and if she does a great job, then you don't have to feel as bad and she will feel more included! She is probably feeling just as stressed about having the pressure of her first wedding be yours, as you are about it. I bet if you just talk about it things will be fine!! Good luck!
2006-12-28 15:39:20 · answer #2 · answered by Sandy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand all too well about not wanting to hurt other's feelings, but sometimes it just has to be done. Don't give her a 'job' to do to try to spare her, the truth of that would hurt her even more. Just be gentle, honest, and direct, and tell her that because she means so much to you, you wanted her to be able to relax and join in with the celebration, not have to be on the sidelines working. Tell her that it would mean more to you for her to be there for you as a guest than an employee, and if she still gets hurt, then yes, you will feel bad, but it will be on her. This is your day and no one should make you feel bad about not hiring family.
2006-12-28 15:06:07 · answer #3 · answered by nursebetty06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is your cousin just talk to her, just tell her that you have other plans or you have a photographer already.
The other thing you could do is ask her to take the other pictures, pictures of your family at the reception, or you getting ready, pictures the other photography is not there for! Good luck!
2006-12-28 15:05:24 · answer #4 · answered by Sunshine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're going to hurt her feelings unfortunately. Though she shouldn't have assumed that she was doing it either.
Just tell her the truth and tell her you would rather she was a guest at your wedding, not your photographer.
2006-12-28 15:10:45 · answer #5 · answered by AmyB 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a professional take pictures/video of the wedding, including posed shots, but maybe have your cousin take pictures at the reception. Since she knows your family (and possibly your friends), she'll know who/what to take pictures of.
2006-12-28 15:09:37 · answer #6 · answered by Jenny 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please choose a professional photographer for your wedding - it's a big day and important that you get good pictures. Suggest your cousin come and bring her camera too - but hire a professional without a doubt.
2006-12-28 15:32:51 · answer #7 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could have one photog from the ceremony and one for reception, or two all day.
Or have the cousin be the photographer for the shower and rehearsal dinner...
2006-12-28 17:07:38 · answer #8 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be honest with her, that you've already found someone, but if she'd like to take some pictures also then you'd be honored you'd just not be able to pay her. It couldn't hurt to have plenty of pictures.
2006-12-28 15:04:35 · answer #9 · answered by Kitikat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋