How can I fix this before I break it off or wind up cheating?

Question

I've been with my girl a long time and she is that good girl I have been wanting. The problem is, she is not very interested in sex. I really want a sex life and it's kind of depressing that it doesn't interest her no matter how much we talk about it. She is also i guess the word is 'uncharismatic?' She's a good girl and all but it's just not fun to be with her and I can't get her to open up to me about things so I have know idea what the hell she is thinking. I have a friend as well who she is far more fun and attractive but terrible girlfriend material. She has had a thing for me for a long time and offered me one night and afternoon at her place to do 'whatever I want' before she moves away in a few weeks. Should I just leave her after all we've done? It's kinda rare to find a girl that's not a hoe and treats you well. But i want us both to be happy.

Answer 1

Wow, you're really in a predicament, aren't you??

I'm a girl, but if I were in your same predicament, I seriously think about just cheating and NEVER mentioning a word about it to the good girl.

Yeah, sounds really bad, I know, but isn't satisfaction important??

That being said (about satisfaction), even though she's a good girl & the girlfriend you've always thought you wanted....don't you still want a good girl who's as sexually inclined as you are??

Maybe you ought to break it off & hold off w/the G-friend stuff until you find that "perfect" girl instead of the one who's gaining in one area & lacking in another. At least being single will allow you to be sexually promiscuous without repercussions...until you find the girl you've REALLY been looking for all along.

Answer 2

You are absolutely right, as you need to be happy. I'm concerned that you feel like you need to shelter this first girl somehow, when it is obvious you are not happy yourself. I would suggest you break up with her, have fun and fellowship with the other girl who likes you until she leaves, but then get serious about finding someone else who you can build a more lasting relationship with, where you are not expressing doubts of any kind. Being a good girl is one thing, but this first girl obviously doesn't light your spark. If you are not totally into the relationship, that is not fair to her either. From the way you describe her, she deserves an honest boyfriend at the very least. Good Luck!

Answer 3

You are not having much fun in this relationship. It's only a matter of time before you do cheat, because you are not being fed what a relationship needs to survive. Break things off, hurt her honestly rather than sleaze her with a lie. There are plenty of nice girls out there... as the old saying goes:" For every old sock, there's an old shoe!"

Answer 4

Bottom line is that if there is not spark between you and your good girl eventually it will not work out. If she knows how you feel and it does not matter to her, or she can not change, i would say break it off and be friends, which is all you seem to be anyway. Dont just hop in bed with someone else because you want some sex though. There are plenty of "good girls" who are passionate as well. You can find one... just take your time.

Answer 5

well your hoe might give you a going away present for life...if you catch my drift.guilt..I'm not just talking about genital warts or V.D.,
First off....you don't know why you can't get her to open up to you..perhaps something really bad happened to her...like raped as a child , please be understanding...if she is the one you love....is Love stronger than Sex? Do you want to marry this girl? I have been married to my man for more than 13 years..we lost a child..our sex life has not been so good lately but we try....i was abused as a child...there is so much...perhaps you don't deserve her....yea break it off....if you want a whore for a wife..go after the hoe...but if you want a good girl with emotional problems be ready for a lifetime of not tonight dear....talk and be tender and understanding , loving, sex can be good if
understood....work together but there will be times where you will have to finish yourself off....that is married life....

Answer 6

You really need to talk to her and be as honest as possible and if she really loves you she will at least try to make some changes but that has to come from both partners in the relationship. she might have somethings that she would like for you to do and you have to be willing to change some things for her as well. If you or she cant meet each other half way then maybe you need to break it off .

Answer 7

Go and get the action from your friend. If you feel guilty and tell your girlfriend make sure to completely blame the whole thing on her low sex drive. she'll be so bumed out that the next time you want her she will be swinging from the chandelier. Also if you play "nice guy" and resist this opportunity, you will hate yourself when your girl dumps you, knowing what you didnt do!!

Answer 8

DO NOT CHEAT if she is as sweet as you say, does she really deserve that? i think not. you may hurt her so bad that her confidence and "charisma" drop even lower than it seems to already be. maybe she isnt ready for sex. usually after a girl does have sex, she feels vulnerable. let her know you love her and care about her more than anything. she needs to feel it. hold her, caress her. play with her hair. she should eventually come around. and after you have sex, do not just roll over and make her feel used. she needs to feel loved and cared about. kiss her forehead. just be sweet, be the guy she always dreamed of. mr. romance i guess. and you dont even have to be cheezy. ok maybe sometimes. but forget the ho, would she really be worth it? no girl deserves to be cheated on, and if you decide that you and her just cant work out, then you need to send her on her way. dont not tell her how you feel and waste her time. it may hurt her to let her go, but you will shatter her if she finds out you cheated. its not fair.

Answer 9

Dave:

Assumptions are a terrible thing but I am going to assume you are young. When you ask questions its probably a good idea to say I am between 15 and 17 years old (if that’s the case), to give us an idea of how old you really are, by the way pretending to be older doesn’t change the outcome, it only confuses the situation for you if you are genuinely sincere about the question. That being said;

If she isn’t experienced sexually, pushing sex on her isn’t in her best interest. Which you should consider above yourself and your needs. You say you want a sex life. You might consider the idea of making love to a woman, and realize that sex is cheap. You can have sex with anyone you want, the opportunities for that are astounding, and dangerous. Having sex with someone you supposedly care about somehow degrades the act in itself.

If you want to enjoy intimacy with a woman at any age, you should always consider her first and what’s in her best interest. Women are tender fragile flowers. Will you hurt her? You say she’s moving soon. I would enjoy the time you shared and allow her to move on. Don’t hang on, and hold her back. A real relationship is about giving not taking.

She isn’t comfortable about sex, don’t push it. It takes two people to love, and when you are young you mistake testosterone for love. Mixing testosterone with estrogen doesn’t make for love.

So consider what is best for her, throw out the ideas of sex and consider making love to a woman, when you have love in your heart to give her, never take. If it’s meant to be you will both know it in time.

Most men, young or old think with their loins, and love with their loins. Try exploring your heart, and her heart and know that the idea that you want a sex life with someone you’ve described as “I’ve been with my girl a long time”? Forgive me for saying you probably have no business exploring a sex life with her.

Relationships based on “sex” or even “making love” are doomed to fail as they have no foundation, nothing to fall back on if things get rough. A real friendship, communication, and real respect for one another is a good foundation to fall back on, not sex. Save yourself for that special someone Dave, she will love you for it when you find each other.

Answer 10

There's no point in staying together if both parties aren't happy. No matter how much of a "good girl" she is that doesn't mean y'all are a good match. Move on so you can meet someone who will be a better match for you and she will be available to meet someone who will be a better match for her as well.