My husband has a 13yr old boy who is very disrespectful, damages property, and does not get along with each other. His mother abandoned him in July at a friends house. We picked him up put him in school and tried to give him a better start; however he got expelled from school, refused to listen, damaged our home, property etc., and went back with his friend. He refuses to live with us or his mother, and I know he dosen't have much choice, but he already cost us alot of money repairing our home, and is very disrespecful. His father has not been the "best" and his mother is worse. We have a small child together, and I can no longer handle the situation any more. Basically father and mother do not want the child because they can not handle his bad behavior. Father wants to send him to Military school, but mother refuses anything but child living with father. We can not afford to send him by ourselves. What can we do? Where do we send him etc.? He is no longer welcome at his friends house.
2006-12-28 05:47:47 · 20 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well it sounds as though this boy is trying hard to get attention. He exhibits signs of major emotional trauma. I think he really needs professional help. But it will not do him any good if he doesn't want it. Military school may be an alternative. I really think that his mother and father need to have a good one on one with him. Also it seems as though the mother may be contradicting the father. That is a very bad thing to do in front of the child. Both parents need to get together and be on the same page. If all else fails military school may help. But remember he may rebel more thinking that his parents only want to get rid of him. It may be time to get tough with him and let him know that his behaviour will not be tolerated.
2006-12-28 05:58:10 · answer #1 · answered by logan 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all you need to establish custody of this child so one parent or the other can make the decisions on his behalf.If he lives with the father than the father can put him in military school, and if the mom says no and wont help then he needs to live with the mom, worse case you call your local dept of social services and get him into the system because by not doing anything about it the worse it will be on the child the parents are not helping this child any by not doing anything about it.And you also can take matters into your own hand to ensure that your child is not growing up in this bad situation.Good luck to you.
2006-12-28 06:06:09 · answer #2 · answered by wblueyesinvt35 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The kid obviously has issues, abandoned by mother and probably by Father in his mind. Now you want to get rid of him by sending to military school. The kid doesn't have a chance with parents like that. the kid needs love and discipline, and maybe medication. He might be ADD or bipolar, but most likely just has a lot of anger for being abandoned by his parents and has probably never had loving discipline. HE is looking for the attention he obviously has never been given, to him, the only way to get attention is to be bad. Commit a year of your life to straighting out his. Get some counseling for him and for you to learn how to deal with him and get him the help he needs. You took on his son when you married him. He is your responsibility now and you owe him the same chance in life you would give your own biological child
2006-12-28 05:55:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There should be some sort of funding to do an intervention for him. He sounds like he is very angry at life because of the way he has been treated. However that is no excuse for his behavior. Di you call the police when he damaged your home? May time in Juvy would make him shape up. or military schoo would be good, they don't let kids get away with stuff like that. He will come out reformed if anything. go to your local state services office and find out what options you have as far as donign some sort of intervention where he goes off to an all male boarding school or camp or something.
2006-12-28 05:53:34 · answer #4 · answered by WINGS 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Call social services.
Sounds like he needs some help, other than just military.
He is only 13 he doesn't need to be just left on the streets.
Is he still out there ....not at the mothers, your house or the friends.... Call him in as a Run away...this might open the door to get the help you need/ and help paying for it too.
When a child is that age and thinking he is a adult and can do what ever he wants.....the parents are still legally responsible.
Dot those i and cross those T's.....unconditional love is needed but Tough love is too.
Best wishes
2006-12-28 05:54:13 · answer #5 · answered by travelingirl005 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Reform School so he can learn to be a better class of criminal. Or just give him the whipping with the belt - pants down - and straighten him out with discipline and rules and suck it up. Or report your husband - the child's father and his mother to child protective services or social services and let them handle it. You are not the one to handle this problem - the boys parents are responsible. Just a little proper attention and discipline would probably solve this but apparently neither parent is willing. I vote that you make the hard call anonymously.
2006-12-28 05:55:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Psycology is a good start. He is of age to be sent to one. there is something terribly wrong and upsetting him. There is a great deal of anger that is coming out in hurting others and damaging property.
That anger will get worse in time not better. Love is what the kid needs as well as attention and being monitored.
needless to say if you see that he is not wanted what do you think he feels.
No love means a great deal of anger and not knowing why.
This is a hard place to be and I hope that you eventually find results somewhere with some professional.
2006-12-28 05:51:30 · answer #7 · answered by Spirit_Rain_3-SunShineAries 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow that is a difficult situation...
I think that maybe if you guys gave him time to adjust and treat him with respect and love that maybe he will realize that you guys are in this for the long run...
I am thinking of a movie I saw on TLC years back about a boy whos father kidnapped him and the mother finally got him back when he was older but the boy had been abused, so he would act out and was distant from her. At the end of the movie they finally have time to talk and she was able to let him know she always loved him and that she never gave up on him...
I dont know, of course this was a movie and TLC always has happy endings, but...... maybe you guys could start with having a good talk with him.
Also, get him into counseling or into an afterschool program that has older teens or young adult that could talk to him. But, I do think the first step is to talk to him and be strong about it.
I will pray for you and I hope all things work out. :O)
2006-12-28 05:56:51 · answer #8 · answered by I am Crystal S. 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
One thing I did with my son was talk to the police & have them talk to him & scare him a little it worked for a while; I have to be there more often to keep peace between him & his sister. In answer to your question I would have him arrested evey time he breaks the law in your house or with anyone he has an altercation with. Or make it seem that he's being arrested jail fingerprints over night in jail. talk to the police & work out a plan. if nothing come of this he will spend real time in jail.
as you already figured out he's very angry as far as he's concerned everyone has abanded him & the only way he can get attention is actin out. which is called negative renforcement.
he needs positive reforcement & that means his father & you if you want to is to give him that which means alot of work.
your choice are you sincere or not.
Peter
2006-12-28 06:01:56 · answer #9 · answered by peterhlounsbury 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Shame on you!!! Look at the situation from the childs point of view. He has been abandoned by both parents and now you, as his stepmother, wants to do the same. How do you expect him to act??? I hope you are a better mother to your child than you are to this one. He needs someone on his side, to be his friend, someone to listen to his side and how he feels. He sounds so angry, hurt and worthless and you aren't helping matters either. It takes hard work to raise a child, even harder to raise someone elses. But you don't just dispose of them like trash. SHAME ON ALL OF YOU!! If I knew where you lived and you were I would turn all of you into child abuse, because thats what this is, a form of child abuse.
2006-12-28 05:59:00 · answer #10 · answered by Bren 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋