I just called my brother to invite him, his missus n kids round for dinner/drinks new years eve saying i was gonna ask our mum n dad too. he said they're having a chinese there n are asking his mum in law, n was also gonna ask our mum n dad...though not us it seems. I said we weren't going out or doing much so he knows we'd be free. should i be hurt to be the only family not being invited?
2006-12-28 05:34:23 · 30 answers · asked by Sandra R 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Certainly you have every right to feel put out. If you are close with your brother and your folks end up going to his place then why not just call and inform him that you and your husband will be coming also to bring in the New Year. It's so sad that family conflicts occur a lot at this time of year. Hopefully you and your brother will come to some form of compromise and end up ringing in the Year together. Best of luck and Happy New Year.
2006-12-28 05:38:21 · answer #1 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not everyone is equally close to every single family member. His basic family unit is him and his wife and his kids. And for New Year's, they've extended it to include his parents and his wife's parents. They have to draw the line somewhere unless they live in a mansion, and the fact that they drew it the wrong side of YOU is not rudeness per se, it's just one of those things.
Maybe they don't want a massive party with all his siblings, nieces and nephews, all her siblings, neices and nephews, the couple next door, Mad Aunt Ethel and her sixteen dogs etc etc. It's a lot of entertaining, especially if the kids are young or if people need to stay over. (You were only going to invite a small number of people yourself, right?) Maybe they just want a dinner for eight people so that they can all sit round a table and have a proper conversation. Maybe the idea is that the two sets of parents get to know each other better, or spend some quality time with their grandchildren without too much going on around them.
Once your brother realised that you'd both made arrangements that conflicted, it was a little rude of him not to have dealt with it - but the same goes for you. You both seem to have been happy to finish the call without even acknowledging that there was a problem. Are you not as close as your hurt feelings would suggest?
How long ago was this conversation? Could it be that you're getting hurt over nothing - perhaps as soon as he realised there was a problem he decided to include you, but he needed to check with his wife first that it was OK to invite extra people (reasonable enough, yes?).
There are a dozen compromises that spring to mind here. If a big family gathering is what's important to you, then you could meet up in a pub for drinks in the afternoon or offer to host a buffet lunch the next day. If what matters is seeing in the New Year specifically, then why not arrange to call round at 10:30pm - early enough to enjoy a party but giving them plenty of time to finish their Chinese and have a chance to chat?
Can't you call him back now and sort this out before you get it worked up into a big deal? It seems such a very small, silly thing to allow to fester and cause a rift between you.
2006-12-28 07:18:29 · answer #2 · answered by Snakey B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on your relationship with your brother and his wife. I frequently exclude my little brother because he and his wife are rude and I don't like them. So, I end up inviting everyone but them and he sometimes finds out, but I don't feel bad because he has no manners.
I'm not saying this about you, but I am wondering how you get along with your family. If you and your brother are close, then you should tell him you are hurt and would like to spend the holiday with them. If not, find some friends to invite over and have fun without them. Then ask only your parents to come by for part of the evening, dividing their time between you and your brother's house.
Happy New Year!
2006-12-28 05:42:00 · answer #3 · answered by schweetums 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say he wasn't going to ask you "it seems" so you're not actually sure whether you were going to be invited or not are you....you know your brother...we don't...I could spend all night second guessing as to why you aren't invited...only you can actually find out the reason for that.
Before this causes any further trouble...based at the moment on assumptions...you really need to have a chat with your Brother & just ask him if there's a problem at all....often things in life aren't always as obvious as they look you know.
Anyway...have a good one.
2006-12-28 10:58:10 · answer #4 · answered by Funky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. It seems as though you planned to be with your family and then for him to steal your mum n dad away is just pure selfishness and then not to invite you is extremely rude. I would tell him that you feel hurt that he would turn down your invitation only to tell you that he wants your mom and dad and that he never formally invited you. You guys are family so you all should be toegether.
2006-12-28 05:40:18 · answer #5 · answered by WINGS 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be seriously PISSED! He's more or less telling you that you aren't invited. Since you're the only family not invited, look on the bright side, you're the only FREE family, FREE to do whatever you want. So start making plans on how to enjoy your new year's eve more than they EVER will.
2006-12-28 05:44:43 · answer #6 · answered by Mad Scientist 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's kind of crappy.......if you are close to your brother I'd ask him why you weren't invited? Did you do or say something that offended him somehow? That should remind him - guys aren't the best party planners and they really do assume sometimes that you should KNOW you were invited.
If your not close, I'd call your mom first. Then have a party without him.
2006-12-28 05:39:01 · answer #7 · answered by Chula 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him straight out why he didnt invite you and explain that you are quite hurt by it. Its better to do that than let this simmer under the surface for years.
Hope you have a good new year what ever you end up doing :-)
2006-12-28 06:08:08 · answer #8 · answered by Lady Claire - Hates Bigotry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its natural to feel hurt, he is someone you love. give him a call and ask if there is a misunderstandin , because you feel as though you werent invited. the truth shall set you free or cause a big disappointment. maybe between the both you , you can set up the dinner together.
2006-12-28 05:38:54 · answer #9 · answered by Olga 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you have every right to be offended by this, it is unfair of your brother not to invite you when you invited him to your place. Maybe you accidentally said something to upset him without realising it?
Just talk to your brother, he may have just forgotten to invite you or maybe did but not in a way that you quite got what he was saying.
2006-12-28 05:43:54 · answer #10 · answered by Cass 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋