my husbands mother lives 3 hours away and comes to visit a few times a year, she visits with her daughter and her 2 kids and our 2 kids. She spends about 95% of her time over at her daughters house and then a quick stop over here before she leaves town. She won't spend the night here, and anytime we ask her to babysit she is busy with this sister in laws kids because they are going out (we don't talk to sister she's crazy). My husband addressed it last night and his mother said she felt like she was being pulled in both directions when she comes to visit however, we have always been basically told when she is available to visit because before she comes to town she has her schedule of plans mapped out and of course it's with the other grandkids. How should we address this? How can we get her to see it isn't fair?
2006-12-28 05:25:54 · 12 answers · asked by jibjab1978 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I don't have a real answer for this. Your mother-in-law sounds as stupid as mine. We live in town with her - and she really does not spend that much time with my kids. She spends tons of time with my sister-in-laws kids. She has been very blatant with the differences she makes in her grandchildren. My girls are extremely close with my mother because she has always made time for them - and everyone of her other grandchildren also. My husband's mother has missed the boat with my girls - they now really don't care if they see her very much. I know that she will regret this one day as she gets even older and would like to have my girls come around for a visit/maybe even help her out some. We reap what we sow - and she has neglectfully lost what could have been a beautiful relationship with my girls. It is very sad.
I don't think there is much you can do about this - she sounds like a dummy - and maybe crazy like your sister-in-law. Sorry.
2006-12-28 05:35:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As adults there is nothing we can do...however the children(your children) will see it as they get older.
Maybe she feels like she needs to be at the other house (your statement of Crazy) like she is needed?
Just a thought.
There is also that poem when a man marries he takes a wife and a starts a new life but with a daughter....she is a friend for life...can't remember it word for word...somehow some mothers feel closer with the daughters and that the daughters need them when the son has a wife he has her to take care of him....I don't know if that makes sense.....
Are you close with your mom .....
You might be counting your blessing and not even knowing it there are a lot of couples that wish they didn't have the mother-law bothering them at all......
However do you visit her?
I would try going to see her so the children can have some kind of relationship with her...or see her more.
Best wishes
2006-12-28 13:35:12 · answer #2 · answered by travelingirl005 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to her that your kids miss her and want her to stay there to spend time with her also. If she still insists on not staying with you, forget about it. She has her mind made up and she won't change it. Sounds like it is an issue between your husband and his sister and the mother is taking her daughter's side. Let it alone. Sibling fights are only heartcrushing. She is the one missing out on her grandbabies; not you.
2006-12-28 14:45:40 · answer #3 · answered by Lost in Maryland 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should really sit her down and tell her! Even if you and your husband have to go to her house and speak with her then I think you should. She seems as though she has issues with something between you and your husband! And if that's the case then everybody looses.. The kids are most important and she needs to see them more than she is... I would also discuss that with the sister and she what she thinks about it and if she knows what's the deal?
2006-12-28 13:30:11 · answer #4 · answered by danxtsupamodel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can't make her see it isn't fair. there is obviously more going on than you say or maybe even know. stay out of your mother in laws business, the sooner the better, unless you really do want her to come over and spend time with your children. think about how she is and ask yourself if you really want her to be an influence on your children.
2006-12-28 13:30:12 · answer #5 · answered by iwondersoiask 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess it all comes down to your husband, his sister and your mother in law sitting down and talking to settle the issues once and for all,she is always going to feel torn at the middle or drawn to one party, so for the sake of her children and her grandchildren, your husband has to try and make peace reign by bringing all parties together. He should take the initiative, and that is where you come in, appeal to your husband.
2006-12-28 13:44:21 · answer #6 · answered by Patriot 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you and husband got it together were your sister-in-law doesn't. Therefore mother-in-law doesn't need to worry about ya'll so much as her daughter. My mother-in-law drives me crazy when it comes to her youngest son. She plans everything around him. But I love her anyway.
2006-12-28 13:43:38 · answer #7 · answered by chris 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Consider yourself the lucky one. I wouldn't want her at my house 95% of the time.
2006-12-28 13:29:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's only 3 hours....do you ever go there?
If it were me, I would come right out and say-is ther a problem?
If sister is crazy, maybe MIL is too...
2006-12-28 13:32:25 · answer #9 · answered by pianoshopgirl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why would you want her around for, besides it is her life and her descicion, you can't make her change it.
2006-12-28 13:33:12 · answer #10 · answered by Wendy Love Muffin 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋