I recently told my boyfriend of 4 months that I was in love with him. I had been wanting to tell him for a while, and finally got up the nerve. While I dont regret my decision to tell him, he told me he could not say it back. He has never been in a real relationship before, and has never said it "I love you" to anyone. Whatever his reason though, I cant stand the thought of seeing him or talking to him now, and am considering breaking up with him. Is it normal for one person in a relationship to say this before the other? What can I do to make myself feel better about this, or is cutting of the relationship a good way to go?
2006-12-28 05:23:45 · 12 answers · asked by lillu 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If you are otherwise happy, don't end the relationship over this. I did the same thing, about three months into the relationship and he has never said it back. We have been dating almost a year and sometimes I think about breaking up with him. He says he cannot say it because he's been burned in the past after saying it. I think the reason doesn't matter as much to me as the fact that he knows that I expect to hear it and refuses to consider my feelings about it.
Having said that, I look at the way he treats me and he treats me wonderfully, acts as if he loves me, spends a lot of time with me, and talks about future plans. I think you should give your boyfriend more time. Hopefully at some point he can say it when he feels it.
I talked to my counselor about it and he had a couple of important points to make about it--first, if I am happy and he treats me well, is that enough for me? Is it mor important to be told you are loved or to be treated like you are? Next, he told me to tell my bf that it is important for me to hear those words at some point and that I at least need to know if he is considering what our future might be and whether that is something he's willing to work on.
Don't be ashamed or embarrassed about facing him just because you were honest with your feelings. I would think he would feel happy about it and it won't be awkward for him at all. Go on as if it never happened and don't say it to him again until he says it to you.
Take care and good luck!
2006-12-28 05:35:57 · answer #1 · answered by schweetums 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that's the craziness of relationships, u aren't guaranteed Anything, u are completely vulnerable. the thing is, u need to trust that person 100% that they have good intentions towards u...
if u feel that he does like u a lot, and that ur relationship is going somewhere more serious, i say give him some time. 4 months is not that long to know if u truly love someone.. in fact, look at urself right now, do u Really love him, when u want to break up w/ him right away? =T... perhaps it's intense feelings, but not Love. love is patient, kind, and understanding. telling someone u love them for the sake of hearing it back already suggests ulterior motive. but if u say it not expecting Anything, i believe that is true love.
so take a step back, and dont' say i love u again until He says it. if u become more and more uncomfortable/jealous, then i think the relationship may become sour, and not about anything positive. let TRUST and Communication become what true Love can flourish into... u have to grow together, and Earn his trust, because he hasn't been w/ anyone long enough to say those 3 words too. so u have to give him benefit of the doubt. take some time and slow down , for his sake ok? :)
2006-12-28 13:33:20 · answer #2 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The paranoia you're going through is totally normal, so don't worry about that. But if you're seriously thinking of breaking up with him because he didn't say he loved you back, then it almost seems to me like you may not really love him, and that you're just viewing the "I love you _____", as a next step. But other than that, if he really is just a person who had always just fooled around until now, it's very probable that he was just nervous, and choked. It happens to everybody. And of course one person says it before the other, or else it would never be said!
2006-12-28 13:33:17 · answer #3 · answered by bezuk_j 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay first, if you love him you will not cut the relationship. I believe its worse if he tells you he loves you and does not mean it. Give him time 4 mons is still early, get to know each other more maybe in time he will fall in love with you. Its okay that you told him first, girls mature faster than boys so its normal we know what we want. Talk to him and tell him that you are okay with him not being there yet. Dont make him feel pressured in time you will both get what you want out of the relationship. Good luck!
2006-12-28 13:30:21 · answer #4 · answered by trsfernandez 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing u do don't break up with him. I had to deal with the same thing. My girlfriend of 4 months told me she loved me but i've never been in love before. It took me a couple of months to realize that she was the only one for me. So give ur boyfriend a chance he'll come around. GOOD LUCK
2006-12-28 13:42:44 · answer #5 · answered by blackie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you truly love him then why on earth would you break up with him, for not saying it back.??? of course it has h urt you that he did not say it back but think about this, he obvoiusly isnt ready to say it, and may not feel just quite as stronly for you as you feel for him, this isn't nessesarily a "bad" thing, 4mnths is quite a short time, he is probably still getting to know you aswell., it doesnt mean he doesnt care for you alot! and if you ended the relationship you would be hurting alot more, and so would he probably. i say give it more time, try not to pressure him into saying it when he doesn't mean it, then both of you will get hurt. He will say it if and when he is ready to .
2006-12-28 13:29:37 · answer #6 · answered by kimberley123 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you really love him dont cut off the relationship... the same thing happened to me... some people take longer to let others in... i was dating my fiance for a year and a half before she ever felt comfortable enough to say she loved me back... i had been telling her that i loved her for about 6 months or so before i heard it from her... you shouldnt cut it off if you love him... love is patient and if you really love him the words can wait... dont give up just because he didnt say something... give it time... if its really love that you feel he'll come around to it...
2006-12-28 13:36:07 · answer #7 · answered by blank 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why on earth would you break up with someone you love? Just back off on the "I love you's" and give it time. You might have just took him by surprise and after stepping back, he might realize he loves you too. Either way, its only been four months. Give it time and cool down.
2006-12-28 13:29:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That happened to me before and I felt like crap, because the guy said he liked me, but wasn't ready to love me. Anywho, at this point you can't take it back nor can you act like you never said it. Don't cut off the relationship, however, chill out and sort out your feelings and give him time to sort out his. If you truly loved him, you wouldn't think about cutting him loose.
2006-12-28 13:29:23 · answer #9 · answered by chokolaite_cutie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
after only 4 months did u really expect him to say that back to you only because u said it first.....geeze....give some time to the relationship...u are scaring him off....watch out or he will run fast and hard
U are expecting way too much in only 4 months time
2006-12-28 13:31:18 · answer #10 · answered by sunbun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋