February my boyfriend/ father of my son broke up with me over the phone while in Iraq. He told me to move on with my life that things were to complicated for him to worry about holding a relationship together while he was over there and that he couldnt give me what I should have in a relationship with him as long as he was gone for so long. Well it crushed me! I eventually moved on and met another guy in April and in late May we started dating exclusive and before long we went on vacaction, bought a house together, got engaged recently, and things were absolutely great until my sons father got back from Iraq in November. I took our son to see him and when we seen each other is opened up a lot of emotions. We later talked to discuss it and he admitted that he still loved me, that he was confused and scared for his life there and didnt want me to put my life on hold for him because he thought he wouldnt make it back. Now I am confused? What do I do? I love both men so much!
2006-12-28 05:13:52 · 12 answers · asked by tiffany s 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Instead of doing what feels good to you do what is best and feels good for your son. Its not about you anymore, its about the child.
2006-12-28 05:17:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a really hard situation. seems as if you are not married to your ex bf, father of your son. so clearly you are NOT commited to him. However, you ARE commited to your husband. I feel bad for your HUSBAND. I actually do not feel bad for you, except for this must be a very hard decision to make. Sorry for being so blunt and harsh. I just want to help you somehow.
The best thing to do is give it some time. Be open about this with your husband, he should know what is going on. Being sneaky and seeing your ex-bf on the side will not help. During visits, try not to get too emotional with your ex. You have to be strong. Your ex-bf should not get in between your marriage.
You made decisions while he was away. And I think that you need to follow through with your decisions. Is everything going well with your marriage? Are you happy? Seems like you are. So why give that up for your baby's daddy that is now back and wants you now, even though he didn't while you were in Iraq. I don't think you SHould give your ex a second chance. SO my answer to your question is to SAVE YOUR CURRENT MARRIAGE...
the other thing you may have to keep in mind is that you do have a son with your ex. that keeps you together and if you were with him, then the family would be together. but i think your ex is a little confused. and does not know what he wants. so give him time and do not change how things are going in your marriage for your ex.
i know for a fact, that soldiers in iraq in war, WANT to stay with their gf's and wives. that support is crucial. and yes, he must have been overwhelemed. but i am sure he must have been seeing someone while in iraq. no joke. why would he not want to be with you. does not make sense? or does it?
so my advice, is to of course let your son see his dad, but take care for your marriage!!
2006-12-28 13:23:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but I guess I feel like you didn't give yourself time to heal and be alone.
What was the rush in moving in together and making such a huge committment as buying a house together??? Especially if your other bf was coming back in November. I know 9 months sounds like a long time, but you didn't give yourself time to sort things out for you and your son before jumping into the next big thing.
There is no real way to say which man is best for you. And yes, your child's father cut you loose, so he should be the one to back off and let you live your new life, but if your heart is still connected to him, you won't be 100% happy.
You have to choose the one you are going to spend your life with - and if he was able to cut you free over the phone (situations aside) could he/would he do it again if you left ur new man for him??
Choose carefully - Wish you the best.
2006-12-28 13:19:46 · answer #3 · answered by henibee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sure do move fast!
Let me tell you this from experience. Yes he told you those things cause he didn't want u to wait for him and didn't know if he would make it. The REAL reason is that he was being comforted by someone else. Yes, they do have time to get cookies while over there.
If a soldier is over there, they may be scared and feel lonely without loved ones to hold, hug and kiss. So they find someone there. They need so much support from us over here, but that is one thing we can't give them until they return.
If you are already engaged and have a house with this other guy, I say stay with it, unless you know deep within your heart that your heart belongs to the soldier.
2006-12-28 13:20:03 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would've never got with the 2nd guy. obviously your iraq guy didn't know what was going to happen while he was over there & was scared. you should've stayed by him no matter what. but since that didn't happen you have to go w/ur heart, you can't love 2 guys at once. maybe the 2nd guy is just a back up, making u feel better since iraq guy was gone. he was just there to fill a void? i'd stay with your iraq guy, make sure you tell him how it made u feel when he broke up w/u. then tell the 2nd guy sorry.
2006-12-28 13:21:01 · answer #5 · answered by gillett1219 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm...honestly I would try and work it out with your sons father for your sons sake. Unless he is going to shipped out alot. Then he might just repeat this all over. You have to ask yourself how much you can trust him to not do it again, no matter how scared he is. You knew he would be risking his life and so did he that is a part of your marriage and if you wanted to eave because of it you would have already. So if you think he will never do it again then try again for your son and if you think he might do it or something simalar again then go with your fiance for your son. so he can have stability.
2006-12-28 13:19:47 · answer #6 · answered by cuetee220 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you were able to move on that easily and make that many life decisions, like buying a house with another man while he was on, you should be ashamed. you gave up too easy on the relationship. you should have at least let him know you would be there for him when he got home, and if you really loved him, you wouldhave, and temporarily put on hold any life decisions like that untill you saw him face to face.
2006-12-28 13:19:20 · answer #7 · answered by recon_fsnco 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The test:which one would you hate to see with someone else more???lol. A part of me thinks you should be with the baby daddy but then,,he told you to move on so,,Idk.
2006-12-28 13:16:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay with the father of your child. Your child is more important than you
2006-12-28 13:16:11 · answer #9 · answered by keith s 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your first love is always the one. love the 1st one. if the second one minds then he never truely loved you. becuz he should understand that u are in love again with ur first and he should understand the circumstances u are going through. *1st love*
2006-12-28 13:18:48 · answer #10 · answered by Candie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋