What would you do?

Question

I live in the southern part of the U.S. and I have about a year and a half before I finish nursing school. My boyfriend and I plan to get married pretty soon after I get out of school. He lives with his parents right now, as do I, but all of his extended family live in Illinois, and His sister lives in Georgia. After we are married he wants to move somewhere far away, he even mentioned Maine, and I really don't like that. I love my family although they work my nerves every now and then, but who's doesn't at times? All of my family lives in the same county and has for almost all their lives. His family, I guess, is used to moving away from each other. I don't know what to do.

Working at a hospital, I won't have very many days off at a time, so I won't get to see my family very often. So, what would you do? Maybe it is normal for someone to move far far away from home after being married, and I'm just a traditional southern girl. I just don't know...

He says once you are married you then have your own family. I think he wants to move because he doesn't much like the south. He always talks highly of the weather in Illinois and how pretty it is up north. He says he just wants to live somewhere else than where we are now, but he means somewhere far away. If I did end up moving away my family would be heart broken.. I've told him that and like I said earlier, he says once you are married you then have your own family

Answer 1

My husband and I moved away from our families and enjoyed the adventure for about 4 years...until we had kids. I couldn't stand being so far away and having grandparents, uncles and aunts, cousins not be a part of our daughters life experience.
We moved back!
I don't know if being away will be a good thing or a bad one but it will make both of you miserable if even one is unhappy. We are in our 25th year of marriage and nothing really changes....if you are close and do a lot with your family now you will want to continue that in the future.
You are a seperate family but you are part of a bigger picture too. If you have the benefit of a loving supportive family group around you, it is something to treasure....

Answer 2

Maybe ya'll could compromise - and move away but not to far. There are some nice cities in the south - some hopefully within driving distance of your family.

Nice Southern cities:

Ashville, NC
Raleigh-Durham area of NC
Nashville, TN
Chattanooga, TN
Louisville, KY
The state of Virginia is a lovely state

Ya'll need to look at options closer to home - because this could really create a strain on a new marriage if you move so far from home and are unhappy.

Answer 3

moving away from your family could be a positive adventure. you would be able to experience new things. sometimes we get in a rut. you can always do what many people do, and move closer to home once you guys have kids. the world is smaller than it used to be with the technology to communicate out there now. why does he want to move? ask him. does he just want some time without your "close" family interference? does he think you will both have a better standard of living elsewhere? this is an issue you need to clear up between you before you get married.

Answer 4

I am so glad you asked this question.... I moved from california when I was 7 to virginia with my then fiance` and I was so depressed and the phone bill was so high. Now I live in Florida and I go home every now and then to visit. I missed so much when I left home. I am going to school, butI should have never left home.

Sit down and weigh your options first. A marriage is a unity not a push or a pull, he has to understand that it has to be right for you as well.

Answer 5

Id talk to him about your fears. I know how you feel, but I often regret not moving away and seeing the rest of the country on my own. I have never (yet) left the city I grew up in, except for one time for one year. My senior yr in High School... the very BEST YEAR of my life! So it might seem terrible.... but family makes time for family. I would say go for it. But maybe somewhere in between. Try talking to him about it, see what he thinks too... this isnt JUST his decision. Good luck.

Answer 6

My husband and I just moved away from my family. We have been married for three years. It has been very hard, but I survived. I'm just happy to be with him. Why does he want to move so far away...job, security? Maybe you can both agree on a place that would be beneficial for both. Good Luck

Answer 7

Well honey, this is a hard one. No it is normal for you to feel that way, b/c if your family is united, and his is not, he doesn't find it important to stay near family. You are making a family together and there are things in which it should be a decision of two and not one. What i have learned with my fianceé is that there should be compromises, you should meet each other half way. So you are both happy, why not choose a state in which is not your own, but maybe only takes two hours to get to your family. That way you are still pleasing him, but close to your family.

Answer 8

Id stay put.He should care about what you want.It is nice to travel but Id rather stay near family & familiar surroundings when I make a home.I moved but not too far,,just to the countryside.I grew up less than an hour away.

Answer 9

I live in the state of Mississippi, and my husband is from California, so he left all is family to be with me. I guess people will do anything to be in love and try and talk to him. I hate to leave my family but he did it for me. and now his parents are moving to the good ole state MS....lol