...erm...help, what's going on??

Question

my entire family hate me and have done ever since 3/1/06, i went through a stage of cutting myself (DON'T CALL IT SELF-HARMING!!! i hate that word), feeling depressed, and lonleyness. social services got involved after i ran away from home and my parents tricked me into thinking they like me again so that social services would go away, when they did leave they started being worse than before, i didn't tlk to them for 7 months solid and then a few days before christmas they are nice now everyone is horrid to me...i have no idea wtf is going on, but as i'm only 14 i have to wait ages before i can move out and i can't cope anymore i feel more depressed, angry, hurt, alone etc...then i ever have before and i started cutting again my best mate found out and made me promise not to do it ever again and i won't cuz i promised but i don't know what to do...what do you think??? (plz don't be horrid to me too, this is hard enough cuz i hate asking for help as it is...) thankz and god bless xx

margy baby: i know my parents hate me because they say it to my face, treat me unfairly, sometimes i get locked out of the house, they never talk to me-they shout
they tried to get me put into care but social services said that i didn't need to go into care, besides there isn't a care home in my county so i can't go...

are you sure that if icall childline then my parents won't find out...i don't want him do do what he did last time...

babydoll...you asked for my email itz [e-mail]

hi everyone thanks for all your help, it's been really horrible today, he did it again, i hate him, i'm also really worried about going to school again, the cuts from 3 weeks ago have scarred, i dunno wat to do in pe cuz we have to wear short sleeves, i guess i'll probz have to hide in the toilets again...BORING, a car nearly hit me today, i neary let it, i ust feel like running away, but i have nowhere to go, i live in a small village away from all my m8s so i can't go hang out there, i feel so numb it hurts to cry, anything sets me off, even a song on the radio, or my bro calling me a fat, horrible, lying, manipulative (wow he learn a new word!) *****...i called my ex-social worker, she said she couldn't help, i called childline but HE walked in and i had to hang up, they've locked the cuboards with pills in them, they said i don't deserve to die, should have taken more pills last time, what a great new year this'll be...i wish i cud just run away and never come back, thanx 4 ur help

Answer 1

I am so sorry for you pain and anguish. I want to help because it seems you need it so very badly. Please post your e-mail address so that I can contact you personally. I know you promised your friend that you would not cut yourself again, but that may not be a promise you can keep at this point although I'm sure you are trying. I will be watching for your e-mail address.

Answer 2

hello there,

Your family sound very dissfuntional.You have a serious illness and your parents have a big problem communicating,infact they are mentaly abusive towards you,and it is jue to something stressful in your life that has triggared you to cut yourslef in the first place..you must be feeling awful and are getting no support from your parents.I think they should start taking some action and show you the T.L.C you clearly need.
You need to tell the social worker about the mental abuse,and it seems like they need a few parenting skills themselfs..even tho you are 14 you are best off out of there.I am 27yrs and i have 2 children..and i would never treat them the way you have been treated,you need to speak to someone..therapy would be good..you also need a boost in confience..and i will tell you now life is a lot better than this ands you are worth a lot more.In a few years time your parents will regreat their churlish manner..get on with your own life..when you are 16 you can then look all over the place for work..why should you go to America and become a nanny??...there are always jobs abraod for young people and you have so much to look forward to.Dry those eyes and get the help.

good luck.

Answer 3

First, you should be so proud of yourself for asking for help. It is hard to ask for help even when it is needed and you took that step. Second you realize that cutting yourself does not help solve the problem and it sounds like you have a good friend that you trust that cares for you and doesn't want you to do this to yourself. You should be proud of the fact that you are wanting to stop even if it is for someone else. Running away is not always the best solution. Are you in school? Is there a teacher that you trust or a school counselor you can speak with? Many times they are the best resources available in your situation. Another place you can try is a church. I'm not talking about going and becoming all holy and stuff but there are youth groups in churches and alot of times it helps alot just to talkt o someone and feel like you belong somewhere. Look in the internet fofr resources in your area. You are a young person and the resources are there available for you. Best of luck sweety.

Answer 4

I am going to tell you a bit about myself, maybe you can relate to it somehow.
I got on really bad with my mother since age 0. Which is really sad when you need guidance, and specially trough all the teenage years. I was depressed for years and my mother and me hated each other's guts. My dad is a good man but he works all hours to support all the family (my mum is a housewife). I spent long periods not talking to my parents, whit whom (my mum) had to spent many hours in the same house ignoring each other. My mum never let me go out until late, or watch TV after 11, , or have the light on,leave me out all night if I was 5 mins late past 11..so you get the picture.
That relationship marked my life (I am 26 now), I dropped from Uni (I had depression and no money to pay counselling and no-one who understood). I got on bad since i remember, so I had ages until I could move out. Eventually I did and now I get on better with my mother. It might be the fact that we are not in the same country. I guess parents always "try to do the best for you" and have the best intentions, even if it really is NOT helping you at all....
Don't let it get at you. I I know how you feel when you can't escape. And, most of all, don't "cut yourself". I don't know what the solution is, but you can email me if you ever want to.
I still resent all that, and let me tell you, there is nothing worse than the feeling that you could have done so much more with your life. Please try to ignore all, plaster a smile in your face and try to be nice (you get much more when you do it their way).

BEST OF LUCK TO YOU :)

Answer 5

Hey chick. *HUG*
Yeah, I know what you mean about "self harming" I HATE that phrase with a passion. I've cut myself since I was 12. It's great that you've stopped for your friend - it shows what a strong person you are, 'cause I sure as hell would never have managed that.
Theres a lot of stuff in your question so I'll take it a wee bit at a time.
Childline - they are fantastic. No, they won't tell your parents, you don't need to tell them your real name, the number won't show up on the phone bill, it's free. If you have a mobile you can phone them on that and withold your number if it makes you feel safer. I'm 17 and I still ring Childline. When I'd taken an overdose I 'phoned them, they still didn't tell my parents, they were just really helpful and listened to me, told me different options I had. You need to use the same name every time you 'phone them though, 'cause they have a record of the basics of what's going on in your life, so you don't have to repeat it every time. Don't let this put you off, they don't mind if you use a fake name.
My parents aren't quite as bad as yours, they don't tell me they hate me to my face, but I have been locked out of the house before. Do you mean overnight or just for a few hours?? What did you do??
When they start to shout at you, try and think to yourself - "I am a good person. I stopped cutting, I'm getting somewhere, in two years I can leave." I said that to myself for so long. And it works. I'm still living at home, because when I turned 16 there was nowhere I could go, except the street. A warm house is preferable to that, trust me. Social servics refused to help because my parents hadn't chucked me out. But if you've already had contact with them, and if your parents throw you out, then they have to find you somewhere to live.
Are there any close friends you can stay with?? I know you said they live far away, but could you stay with them for a few days?? Or do your parents not let you?? When you feel down try 'phoning someone you're good friends with, if you don't want to 'phone Childline. Get one of your friends to make you an "emergency box". Ask them to put lots of nice things in it, photographs, chocolate, music, pencils, cuddly toys, whatever you like. Keep this box somewhere where your parents won't find it. When you feel really down and depressed, so much that you feel you can't stand it, open the box, and you'll get a lovely surprise. One of my friends did this for me and its great.
As for P.E, are there any outdoor options you can choose so you can wear a jumper. If you can, forge a sick note. Skiving isn't a good idea as you'll only get caught. Say you've got the flu and insist on wearing a jumper. Claire's Accessories sell these funny armband things that go up to your elbow, if you think you'd get away with it at school! Try rubbing cocoa butter (you can buy it in most supermarkets) onto your arms - this will help to minimise the scars.
Taking more pills - what kind of a solution is that?? If you're as strong a person as you sound to me, I bet you can manage it. Look at the good points. You only have two years left. It may sound like a lifetime at the moment, but you'll get there eventually. You have what sound like great friends. You are 14...I was 14, I thought I'd never get through it. 17, and I'm still here. Good Luck.

Answer 6

This must be the hardest question I have answered.

The first thing to know is you are not alone.

There are thousands of young adults suffering the same as you, and we older adults do not seem to do anything about it.

Please be assured that I am doing everything possible to help and assist people with your problems.

You say that you have a best mate, why not talk to his/her parents, and use their telephone. I.m sure they would allow it.

Please take care, looking at some of your answers, there are many people out there who love you, and care about you.

If I had a magic wand to make things right, you would be top of my list, but life is not so easy.

Please, please take care, talk things over with your best friends, discuss your problems, but above all believe in yourself.

Never give up. As long as it may take, things should get better.

Answer 7

hey hun,
i know how you feel. i also cut.
you're doing well....the first step is to tell someone about it...and even though you may not realise you have told many people all at once. we want to help.
can you talk to a teacher, or nurse, or school councillor, or an out-of school councillor? i understand you probably can't talk to your parents.
you're not alone sweetie....we are all here for you. dont forget it.
look many of us have made promises like yours but they're not always so easy to keep. try to keep it but if not maybe you should tell her you've started again. hopefully then she can support you like a true friend. talk to her about it as well....maybe she can help. my friend told someone about me without me knowing and things are trying to get sorted. so if you're not confident enough to tell someone alone maybe she could come and give you extra support? just an idea.
if you want to stop cutting..you really have to WANT to. it's hard and it needs a lot of self determination. you might be able to stop by yourself, or you may need help from someone.
here are some methods you can try if you want:
1. hold an ice cube until it hurts
2. draw red lines on yourself
3. flick a elastic band against your wrist continually till it hurts enough
4. wrap an elastic band around your little finger many times until it hurts then release it (the release is just as important as the pain)
if none of these work....google: stopping self-harm (im sorry, i know you dont like the word)
if you dont want to stop...you dont have to. its up to you although i would think very carefully about it.
with your family...im sorry i can't do anything. you can maybe try talking to them and explaining things although i understand that may not be possible. or the only other thing i can suggest is....be good but otherwise stay out of their way. if you're good they can't get mad at you. i don't really understand your family situation. email me and tell me more if you want and i'll see what i can suggest. if it's really bad call childline. thats the best i can say seen as i dont know whats happening.

email me if you want (to talk or to ask me something, or just for support). i understand what you are going through...promise.
good luck xx



P.S. sorry for the long reply....i just want to try and help

Answer 8

god i have a 14 year old. you need to get out of that environment and fast. you need firstly to ring child line - sorry dont know the number but 118118 will have it or the telephone book. they will take you serioulsy. forget social services childline will know what to do.
it would be better if you asked if your best mate's family could put u up for a few days until childline get involved. i know that if my sons 14 year old friends wanted to stay here and they were in a similar situation i would welcome them with open arms.
i hope u get your life back on track soon. please ring them NOW!!! take care of yourself ok. also do not i repeat do not give your email out.
best regards

Answer 9

Call childline or speak to a trusted adult, such as a relative you do like, or a teacher at school or even a family friend. Get yourself in touch with social services again and they will place you elsewhere.

Answer 10

Oh I am so sorry to hear your story. You deserve so much better love. You should go and see your doctor and he/she can point you in the right direction for your depression and cutting. But you also need to confide in an adult as soon as you can. I know that is so hard to do, but what about a teacher, or what about your friends parents?

Please please please speak to an adult though, you need to get some help and you need it quickly. You also need help with your depression so please see a doctor, or maybe your surgery has a counsellor that you could speak to. I agree that childline is also a good idea.

I don't know what else to suggest to you to make your situation better, but your parents don't sound like caring, loving parents to me. I would never treat my children like that. I wish I could do more to help you.