We have a 3 year old boy and a 6 month old daughter and he finally started interacting better with our son after our daughter was born but now he hardly does anything with her. He rarely holds her and when he does it's only for a few minutes and then gives her back to me, or if I am busy he'll put her in her bouncy seat or something. I've tried pointing it out to him and he just blows it off like I'm over reacting. But I'm not! He never does anything with her.
2006-12-28 04:41:29 · 23 answers · asked by Kristin R 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
It took me a long time before I would do anything with our daughter. If you can get him to talk, find out if he has resentment about having a 2nd child or about having a daughter. Ask him to be honest, and be preapred for the worst possible answer. The plus side is that if there IS any kind of resentment or hard feelings, then they will be in the open and you can work through them (if you need professional assistance, thats okay too!). For me, it took finding something that my daughter and I connected on.. Turns out it is horses... Even at 6 months, they can find something they both enjoy... :-)
2006-12-28 05:04:30 · answer #1 · answered by davidinark 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have a question first...does your husband work and what does he do when he gives her back or puts her in the bouncy etc? Does he just proceed to lounge around and watch TV like you hear a "stereotypical male" does (meaning how the media protrays males...not how I see them...just to clarify)? If he is busy doing something else, that may be it.
However, you need to have a serious talk with him. He started interacting with your 3 year old after your daughter was born...that makes me think right off the bat that he has a problem with dealing with babies. I don't mean he doesn't know how, but maybe he's scared? You wouldn't believe how many men are actually scared to interact or don't know how. I'm a woman and it should come naturally, right? Well, after I got pregnant it did, but I used to be so awkward. I hated holding other kids because I didn't know what to do. And I'm also shy so I didn't like doing "baby talk" to kids in front of other people so I'd just sit there...then the babies would sense my nervousness, get nervous themselves and start getting fussy. So that'd make me less likely to want to hold another baby. It was like a never-ending process for me. I hated it!!!!! To be honest, when my daughter was born, I was still awkward around her. It took some forced together time for me to get used to being around babies and making them comfortable.
For your husband, I would definitley talk to him. I think he may be nervous about being around such young babies. At 3 years old, it's easier to communicate wants and needs and that may be why your husband is OK with him.
Now, when you go about talking to him, you can't say it in a accusatory tone. He will automatically take offense and put his guard up. I'm not sure how your husband is so I can't further elaborate on a good process, but it needs to be planned. Maybe you should sit him down and say you need help with time more so you need him to start spending more time with his kids and keeping them occuppied. That way, he will feel that he is doing you a favor and you will be getting him to spend more time with your daughter.
Good luck!
2006-12-28 04:55:03 · answer #2 · answered by Hootie562 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The hyperlink received't artwork for me some reason yet each and each and every time I hear of someone leaving their baby in a vehicle i believe undesirable for the baby and the father and mom. As annoying as parenting is and all the things you would possibly want to run round doing ... nicely, i'm not declaring its straightforward to forget regardless of the indisputable fact that it of route takes position. I propose you spot it on television each and every summer season. we received't decide because sometime lets make an same mistake and recognize what it really is like. i recognize countless the time they are put in penitentiary for it yet heavily, you brought with reference to the death of your own baby, what more desirable punishment do you deserve. The punishment is the shortcoming of the baby. What will be worse than that? in the journey that they actually were flawed and idea that they had left the toddler with the sitter or that the different significant different had it, regardless of the case will be, i believe like no punishment ought to receive. how can you bypass on residing understanding what you've done. See, the punishment is already there.
2016-10-16 22:08:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him time. Some guys are intimidated by babies because they can't interact in a way he can understand. You said he's started interacting with your 3 year old......the 3 year old is now at a more communicative age.
He's missing out on a lot of joys he will never be able to get back though. Maybe you should point that out to him.
2006-12-28 04:46:56 · answer #4 · answered by kj 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband has always been the same way with our babies. He's not really "into" them until they're talking and more like little people (potty trained is a big plus for him too). I learned to cherish those first couple of years when they were MY babies because once they get older , it's really all about DAD. Our kids are now 12,7,5, and 2 and my husband is an awesome father to all of them, but I'm counting the time before my youngest daughter turns away from me for the glamour of "daddy time".
2006-12-28 07:14:55 · answer #5 · answered by J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey give him time maybe his one of those guys who are scared to hold or interact with a baby, he already did it with the boy, so as the baby girl grows he will interact more and more with her. Maybe if you all go as a family for parenting techniques it will help.
2006-12-28 04:50:54 · answer #6 · answered by ednaywilliams 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he just doesn't know what to do with her. In our town they have evening parenting classes for "Daddy and me." That way dads can get together, see what the other dads do, have some practice, learn some songs, etc.
And maybe he's just not comfortable with babies. Maybe you could find some things you do that make her smile and ask your dh to try them. I find my dh isn't very receptive to my suggestions regarding parenting though. He may do better with her when she gets a little more active.
Christie
2006-12-28 05:08:40 · answer #7 · answered by rcpeabody1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he feels left out and not as close to your daughter as you are so he's paying more attention to your son to fill that spot and feel needed. if you breastfeed your daughter, that could be another reason why he doesn't pay much attention to her. he may feel like he's not needed and she wouldn't want him because of the bond you have formed so he's turning to your son for that extra feeling. or maybe he just feels uncomfortable with an infant and feels better around a toddler...some men don't like being left alone with infants
2006-12-28 04:50:59 · answer #8 · answered by kaiyas_mom07 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
SOME MEN DO ACTUALLY HAVE A FEAR OF HURTING BABIES AND THEREFOR THEY DO NOT DO MUCH INTERACTING EVEN WHEN ITS THERE OWN. I HAD AN UNCLE LIKE THIS BUT ONCE THE BABY GOT TO BE 2 AND COULD STAR PLAYING AND BABY WAS NOT SO SMALL HE WAS FINE AND IS NOW THE BEST DAD EVER.
I AM SORRY THIS HAPPENED FOR YOU BUT HE WILL GET BETTER. YOU CAN ALWAYS TELL HIM TO GET OVER IT AND HELP YOU WITH YA'LLS BABY OR TALK TO HIM AND GET HIS FEELINGS HE MAY BE WORRIED TO SAY SOMETHING FOR THE FEAR THAT YOU MIGHT THINK HE DOES NOT LOVE HER.
MEN HAVE CRAZY EMOTIONS TO IN THIS AREA THEY ARE JUST NOT EXPRESSED LIKE US WOMEN!
HOPE THIS KINDA HELPS.
2006-12-28 04:44:21 · answer #9 · answered by LOVE MY LIFE 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He might be afraid of hurting her (playing too roughly). If he was like that with your son, he will probably be like that with her. My guess is that he wants to wait to interact with her when she is capable of interacting back like your son is beginning to be able to do now.
2006-12-28 04:46:51 · answer #10 · answered by Pretty birds ♥ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋