Should I be concerned?

Question

Okay here is the situation. I just recently got engaged to the most incredible man I have ever met, but here is my concern. He has been with lots of women. In the past after he has dumped someone he has a new woman the next day, and so on, and so on. Well one of his female online friends emailed me and said she hoped that we didn't last, because she was my backup. I approached him on that and he said that she was lying, I mean should I be concerned he has have had a track record with women.? Been married twice almost 3 times.

Oh and when we are out in public I am all of a sudden just the girlfriend and not the fiance anymore. He says girlfriend and fiance are interchangeable. What makes me feel bad is when I introduce him to someone at a bar I introduce him as my fiance and when he introduces me to women at a bar I am the girlfriend but to males at the bar I am the fiance. That hurts me to know that he can just flip flop my title whenever it is convienient for him.

I have talked to him about it and he says I need to remind him to call me his fiance, and he put that female online friend on ignore. Funny thing is that he was talking to both of us at the same time which I just found out, but he told her that we were getting serious and cut ties with her. Jealous I think she is..

Answer 1

I wouldn't worry too much about the title. I would focus more on the online female friend. Why does he even have her?

Answer 2

If he likes to flip-flop your title, and you don't like it, give him back the ring and break off the engagement. He is not as great as you think. Once you are married, the same thing will happen- Sometimes he will tell people that you are his wife, and then other times he will tell people that you are his mistress, and other times he may play the "girlfriend" card again.

This is something that is very important to consider when you are thinking about marrying someone. The mistake that many people make is that they think that they can change a person or that their M.O. will change once they are married. But that is not the case. If he has been a man with many women in the past and he is still surrounding himself with women today, the same will happen once you get married.

His lifestyle today is indicative of how it will be when you are married to him. Some women in this situation are OK with their husband having multiple girlfriends and are perfectly happy with being "Mrs. Superguy". The wives of many pro athletes have said many times that when they married the guy, they knew then what they were bargaining for and even though they are not comfortable with their husband going out with other women while he is out on the road, they enjoy the money, and the big house, and the lifestyle that goes along with it.

Having said all of that, he can promise you that you are the only woman in his life but you need more than a promise. If women are still calling him, his lifestyle has not changed. If he was serious about you and you only, other women would not be in the picture period.

Answer 3

Sweetie, I don't know you but you sound like a doll. Don't be number 3. If you had already been married twice I would tell you to go for it. What makes you feel like you are not worth more than him. Tell yourself all of the things he tells you and see don't you feel better saying them while looking at the mirror. A man will do what we as women allow them to do. If you let him get away with it the first time most likely he will never stop. I had a female to call me once and I thought oh, she is just saying this because she wants him. Sometimes that will be the case, but she was telling me the truth. Women always know and if you feel like this now why would you marry him. Don't get so involve that you would end up doing something you will regret later on down the line.

Answer 4

I think for a guy the word "girlfriend" is the first thing that comes to mind when introducing a fiance. I wouldn't take this to heart but then again if you tell him that it bothers you and he doesn't change, you've got a red flag. Being engaged should mean that you put your partner's feelings concerning something like this ahead of your own. If he fails to do this you should seriously examine all aspects of the relationship. You don't need a guy who is only interested in his own welfare and contentment. You may want to look into the reasons why his past relationships failed. That may be a clue as to what chance you stand for a successful marriage.

Answer 5

He sounds like he has issues with showing commitment. Girlfriend is used lightly because girlfriends come and go. Fiance means serious, and not up for grabs. Especially at a bar. He wants the men to know that you are taken, and the women to know that he is still able to switch if he needs too. I am sure he does love and can be incredible, but I would watch it if I were you. This man doesn't sound like he is ready to be completely commited.

Answer 6

I would worry about the online friend too! Backup plan--it sounds like he has always had one. The fact that he introduces you differently to males and females shows that he is not wanting these women to know that he may be out of the game for good (or at least as long as your marriage lasts). I would wonder why he is emailing a girl who is obviously interested in him for more than friendship.

Answer 7

Yes you should be concerned. It seems like he only has a fiance when it is convenient for him. Not to be drastic, but call off the engagement until you truly feel valued. I mean, no one that is engaged should feel bad/sad. This should be a really happy time for you, and it seems like your miserable. Tell your FIANCE that you are not just a girlfriend. I would say to just not get married, but dont know the whole situation. Good luck.

Answer 8

The fact that he cannot admit you are his fiance to other women is like advertising that he is still available and not in a committed relationship. You need to think long and hard about marrying this man. Do you wnat to marry him and constantly look over your shoulder wondering what he is up to? He needs to grow up.

I hate to say it but you should probably kiss this one good bye, his inability to stand by you at all times and show his commitment does not bode well for a happy future.

Answer 9

How did she get your e-mail address first of all. I used to date a man just like this (used to is the operative phrase here). He always had a woman in waiting . When we got together, I was that very woman. During our relationship, he found someone else to fulfill that role and when we stopped dating, he immediately segued into that relationship with no pause.
He married her and within 6 months, was trying to get with me on the side. My advice, do not rush into this marriage. When you are out in public from now on, refer to him as your "boyfriend" and see what type of response this elicits from him.

Answer 10

Yea... He has some problems. I would NOT marry a man with such a terrible track record. If that girl approached you and said all those things to you... there had to be a reason other than she wants your man... I mean... He had to have given her some sort of sign that he likes her too. I wouldnt let this fly.... Listen to your gut! Good luck

Answer 11

i think it would be a big mistake to marry him. He takes you for granted, and probably does have a back up. your man, (as incredible as you say he is) should be proud to call you his fiance'. I would take your doubts and his actions as a sign and an indication of what life might be like when you get married. Good luck