how do i cope with my fiance's anger and control issues?

Question

we have a 1 year old together and ever since then he has been controlling saying things like"things will be my way or get out of my house" then the next minute he can be the man i fell in love with i feel that he literally finds things to "nag" on me about, calls me insulting names, never lets me have a say in any given argument, he says "i don't care what you have to say" for real he gets angry because I didn't figure out my paycheck according to him he is always negative putting me down , his new favorite idon't put in 100% into my new job even though he was invited to my second interview and explained the pros and cons of a 100% commission pay job every time i try to explain to him about my new career i'm making excuses! I am so worried that the way he treats me or handles himself will effect our son's childhood and well- being how do i handle this situation and protect my sons and i happy life that i want to give him HOW DO I MAKE MY FIANCE JUST LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY????

Answer 1

Can you say... "Receipe for a Disaster"?

Once more....

"YOU CAN'T MAKE ANYONE DO ANYTHING THEY DON'T WANT TO DO... and you certainly can't "Change" your fiance.

Whatever the worst character/behavior flaw is in your fiance... if it were never to change or if it got worse would you be willing to live with it for the rest of your married life?. If the answer is no.. then you need to make plans (without his knowledge) to move on.. with a quickness. If the answer is yes... then go ahead get married but don't ever complain about his issue again even when he turns his anger and controlling ways against your child. Trust it won't be long before he starts getting angry with junior over the simplest of things. Then your child will grow up with feelings of inadequacy, anger, and self esteem issues... just like daddy.

Do this for the sake of your child, so he can grow up mentally healthy. Because if you don't.... history will no doubt repeat itself through your child. Your finace is critical and controling because somewhere in his past he observed that behavior, or he was conditioned to act in that manner.

Most women want "the dream" the husband, the house the children and the white pickett fence... but at what price? These are ALL good things to have however, under the right circumstances and with the right person. Dare it be mentioned... the price for you and your child's emotional well being is way too high for you to risk it all on the chance he'll change.

Sounds like he needs some therapy (no disrespect intended) There's a serious problem and if he doesn't see it then you'll really need to. There's probably several "red flag" warning signals going off in your head. Please don't ignore them.

It's truly amazing the things woman put up with from a man... If you had a girlfriend who treated you like that... what are the chances you'd stay friends and you'd expose your child to her? Hummmm? NOT! Why then would you stay in a relationship with this man (with your child) and expose yourself to this kind of abuse. RUN!.. and don't look back and don't come back. You and your child deserve a healthy relationship. He may change MUCH later down the road.. but don't chance your childs (our your) future happiness.

If you fear this man... get some help quickly. Get your "stuff" in order, then vanish.

Answer 2

He probably will never listen. My advise is to get away as fast as you can. These things will never change and will only get worse. What will you do when he turns on your son as well? If you have no where to go there are places to help. Call you local Family Service office or look in the phone book for crisis centers. You would be amazed at the amount of help you can get, mentally and financially. Good Luck

Answer 3

The only way to make him realise just how much he has hurt you is to leave him - permanently. Any thing less and he probably thinks you are making dramas where none exist, and if you take him back its like admitting that what he does isn't really that bad - or why would you keep going back to it? That is his logic. You can CHOOSE to get this out of your life, or not. With choices come consequences. Healthy choices have healthy consequences, unhealthy choices have unhealthy ones. It IS all up to you.

Answer 4

Obsessive and controlling behavior at this early stage of the game sounds like a warning signal to me. If he is this controlling now, he may have worse problems later that could lead to physical abuse, if it has not already.

Quietly start looking around for a safe house in case it is needed. An abuser will act out their worst and then apologize later, but the abuse will slowly and continually escalate.

Once you walk out the door, do not look back. It may require you to leave the area for your safety. My ex-roomate from college kept trying to work things out with her husband. It finally escalated to the point he threatened her with a gun.

This is not a healthy relationship and he will not appreciate interference in his ability to control the situation because he is not in control of himself.

Answer 5

Bad situation and he is not going to change...sounds like his true personality is comeing out and it's not good. Do you really want to live like this for the rest of your life???? Just because you have a kid together does not mean you have to stay with him and be treated like crap for the rest of your life. If he loved you he would never never talk to you like that. It will only get worse over time....if I was you I would get out of that relationship as soon as possible. You deserve to be treated better....and do you want you son to grow up and act that way too?????

Answer 6

I am assuming you have a child together? He sounds very controlling and you're not even married yet. Take it from someone who has been there, get out now or this man will make your life miserable and your son's life miserable. He is degrading you now, why do you settle for this and take it? You deserve respect. You need to demand respect in order to get respect. Good luck.

Answer 7

Do you want your child to grow up thinking that the abuse (yes it is ABUSE), is normal?

Do you want your child to grow up behaving the same way towards you and possibly his future partners?

I stopped the abuse in my relationship when my boys were 2yrs and 3yrs old, I walked out on my 8 yr marriage and never went back. My boys are 18yrs and 19yrs and they are wonderful men and have the upmost respect for women. Be strong, Good Luck.

Answer 8

you can't force someone to change. i experienced the same issues with my fiance. i relised that most of his issues were related to his upbringing- a woman's place is in the house to be a slave fo rher family (his father's exact words to me).

we still have heated discussions all the time but he has the basic understanding that i am an independent, working individual with a mind of my own. i moved out from our house (rented) in June this year because his father took him to gambled out his salary 2 mths in a row (6 months pregnant then).

i let him know that my son and i were capable of living on our own without his input financially, morally, etc. That scared him silly and now he is trying to make changes. They are coming slowly but we are at least getting somewhere.

he is still in the mindset that his job is more important even though he was unemployed last year and it was my job that paid the bills.

Answer 9

You cannot make your fiance listen to what you have to say! I would insist he get counseling to try to repair this relationship or I would pack up and make a life for yourself and the baby. The way he is now, your fiance will make you and your baby miserable.

Answer 10

You need to give him an ultimatum! Let him know that if his behavior does not change then you are leaving.That way he can think about what he wants. If he lets you leave then he was never worth it, but most likely he won't and he will try change his ways!