Hello everyone... I have recently found my father to whom I haven't spoken with since I was 16 yrs old on Christmas Day he decided to walk away from me for good and moved to another state and didn't even tell me.. My mom and dad had been divorced since I was 7 but I had seen him off and on till that point in my life.. I haven't had any contact with him until I found him online through Yahoo Directory and sent him an email on Dec 22.. He replied back to me on Dec 24th but with a sob story and made it out like he knew he wasn't a very good dad and that he was sorry but that he didn't feel any of his kids loved and accepted him for him only what he could provide for them and if he couldn't that we didn't want anything to do with him.. I was the complete opposite and it hurt to read him saying that.. Should I continue to email him or give a possible relationship with my dad now that I am an adult with my own children?
2006-12-28 03:28:37 · 11 answers · asked by cheryl m 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
write him back and tell him how you feel. If you decide to see him again i wish you the best of luck. I think that it is wonderful that you were able to find him
2006-12-28 03:31:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your story sounds like the same one my boys live with. Except there was a drug and alcohol problem involved also with my ex.
Have you talked with your family about this, maybe someone other than your mother (who might have bitter feelings towards you father). There is always more to the story if a parent just goes AWOL. If there was abuse of any kind involved I would suggest to you to keep your distance between your father and your children. You as a mother know that your children's mental and physical safety is you number one priority.
If you feel the need to keep in contact I would suggest you continue the email route, but remember you are an adult now and try to not look at your father through the eyes of a child with all the naivety that goes with that.
I hope you find the peace you are looking for........
2006-12-28 11:42:48 · answer #2 · answered by saragiguere 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've taken the first step and now it's up to your father to demonstrate whether he also wants to repair the relationship. Sometimes men leave their families for selfish reasons and sometimes it's the outgrowth of untreated depression related to their inability to adequately support their family. It's likely that his statement that "he didn't feel any of his kids loved him" is really a distortion of the fact that he didn't love himself due to a diminished sense of self-worth resulting from the failure to meet the challenges of a husband and father.
There's nothing wrong with giving someone a second chance but don't hand out anything on a platter. Make sure that interest in a relationship is mutual and that both parties are willing to make an investment.
2006-12-28 11:39:19 · answer #3 · answered by Joseph R 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I contacted my father after 60 years and am not sorry I did so, but once I spoke with him, I realized that the only reason he responded back was not because he wanted to see me but because he wanted to assuage his own feelings of guilt about what he did.
Only you can decide what is best for you. You need to decide what you want out of the relationship and you also need to consider how this reunion will effect your relationship with your mother.
As a result of my contacting my father, my mother and I no longer speak. Her worst fear was that he would tell me his side of the story. It, of course, did not change how I felt about my mother, but it undermined her own feelings of confidence in how I felt about her and, I am sure, made her feel that she was being judged.
My father died shortly after I reunited with him and I am glad that I was able to get some answers regarding my own feelings. I do know that I would not have held a long-term relationship with him. You have to remember that he is not the man you remembered because perhaps he never was that man.
If what you want is answers, then by all means, get them, but it is probably unrealistic to expect him to move back into a life that he apparently willingly walked away from. I guess my best advise to you is to decide what, exactly, you expect out of this relationship and then to make sure he is willing to commit to your expectations. If not, then you probably need to let him go. If need be, talk over your feelings with a professional such as a minister or even a grief counsellor if the parting is painful.
Good luck.
2006-12-28 11:50:07 · answer #4 · answered by krpegelow 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he's trying to explain himself to the best of his ability. It may not be the explanation that you wanted or liked to hear. But the fact that you looked him up to begin with, and that he responded, sounds to me like you want a relationship with him. Don't stop now. Give it a chance.
2006-12-28 11:31:59 · answer #5 · answered by hotgramma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, you may not agree with his reasoning but give him a real chance...now that you are an adult you may understand him and what he was going throw better but have an open mind about the whole issue....good luck
2006-12-28 11:33:52 · answer #6 · answered by that guy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you feel you can trust him and let him get close to your kids without hurting them or walking away like he did to you then yes give him a chance to be a grandfather. let him know you want him in your life as well as your kids lives.
2006-12-28 11:33:03 · answer #7 · answered by S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give him a chance he may have a good reason, but just tell himhow you feel, and he may like to see you and his grandkids, just take slow.goodluck.
2006-12-28 12:56:06 · answer #8 · answered by texas nanna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People can change. Give him a chance.
2006-12-28 11:32:03 · answer #9 · answered by eeiryrapmetal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF HE WANTS TO KEEP IN TOUCH
THEN I WOULD
HE IS YOUR FATHER
2006-12-28 11:36:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋