My son's ex-wife has walked away from all responsibility. How do we handle this?

Question

Mother moved out when she found a new boyfriend. A divorce later ensued in which my son was given full custody and she was ordered to pay child support.

From the day this child was born, mother pushed her off on to others. Her mother took care of the child the first two years and we have had her ever since. Our son lives with us.

The court gave my son full custody and ordered mother to get a job and pay child support and half of all meds. Mother did not visit with or call the first three months after she left the home. When the court proceedings were in process, she only visited to try to get alimony and child support, but as soon as the court denied her both and ordered her to pay, she stopped visiting and/or calling.

Mother married new boyfriend and has two children with him. We haven't heard from her since before Thanksgiving. Child was devastated when mother did not even call for Christmas. Now what do we do? How do we get rid of her permanently?

Answer 1

I'm going through the same thing with my husband. He has walked away and abandoned his 7 month old daughter, gives us no money and didn't come around on Christmas. Unfortunately, there's nothing you really can do. You can try taking her to court but you already have full custody. As long as she's paying child support, just let her do her thing and hope that she doesn't come around later. She probably will though, but I'd just deal with it then, and let the child decide whether or not she wants anything to do with her mother.

Answer 2

Welcome to the club.
I say this because my younger brother is going/went through the same thing. This how we responded to this situation. We as a family let my niece know that every waking moment, she is loved so very much. Her mother did come and get her every other weekend like the court said and then when she found out that she was not going to get any monetary assistance of any kind from my brother(as per the courts) she stopped coming and calling.
My niece ran into her mother (by accident) on November 4, 2006 while we were at a public function, she just turned 11 years old on 12-25-06 and is finally spending time with her mother after so many years apart.
I guess what I am saying is that you just have to move on. I know it hurts the child, I've seen it. However, just because the mother let the child down, does'nt mean you have to let her down. Just love her alot and be there for her no matter what the circumstances DON'T GIVE UP! Because, once you give up, the child will give up as well. Then comes the depression and bad grades and what not.
Keep your head and stay strong, if not for yourself, do it for the child.
Good Luck and have a Happy and Prosperous New Year.
OH! and be careful out there.

Answer 3

let the woman who gave birth to the child (I refuse to honor her with the title of mother) know that you will be contacting the attorney general about back child support (if any). Second. If you can make do without the child support, offer her an opportunity to sign over full custody and rights to the child to your son. She will no longer have to pay support BUT will no longer be able to be in the child's life.
sounds kinda hard at first but since she already isn't there this will stop her from doing what some "parents" do and pop back in every now and then and stir the poor kids up.
Good luck to you and your son and most especially to the child involved.

Answer 4

Truthfully, there is no way for you to get rid of her permanently (unless she wants to rid herself) because she is the child's mother.

If you try to poison the child's mind, she will understand one day and hate you all instead of the mother. What you do is ignore her existance. When the child asks for her mother, tell her mother is busy and cannot come over.

When she is old enough she will realise that all your efforts to have her mother be a part of her life was rejected by her mother and although it will hurt her, she will know that at least she has you guys.

My fiance's ex left living home there and came back to live with his parents last year. He has full custody of his daughter but she lives with his parents. Although his daughter knows mummy, etc the ppl she cling to are her father and her grandparents because that's who she knows.

She's only 4-1/2. Children are intelligent and pick up on things we don't even consider. She has fully accepted me and my 3mth old, spending time with us rather than her mother because she knows where the love is.

Just be patient and everything should work out.

Answer 5

You can't get rid of her permanently but you can have the courts track her down and force her to pay child support. IF she is willing to give up all rights to the children then she will not have to pay child support. She sounds very irresponsible. She could be damaging the children emotionally. Be careful and be honest with them about their mother.

Answer 6

So far as there is a child between, you cannot get rid of her permanently. It will affect the pschological growth of the child. I think she was scared of having to pay. Also she did not seem to love the father of the child at all, and the child seems the product of a mistake. If her paying is more important, she has to be taken to court; if it is not, the best approach is to waive her paying and try to create a rapport between her and the child. That will be bitter, but it is for the benefit of the child

Answer 7

Has she been paying child support? If not, remove all of her parental right. Petition the court to permanently remove her from the child's life...meaning no more child support and no option for visitation. Dead beat moms are as common these days as dead beat dads. Don't let her continue to blackmail the child with the child's emotions for it's mother.

Answer 8

Hah.....sounds like what my husbands ex-wife did to him...what a b*tch. My husbands ex had two kids with him and then found someone else and left him when the kids were both under 1 1/2 & 6 months. Since then we married and she hasn't even seen the kids in four years or had anything to do with them; she also has a kid with her new husband.

Get a lawyer and file for full custody....or see if she will sign her parental rights away. We are in the same situation right now.


Good LUCK!

Answer 9

She sounds as toxic as my husbands ex!
You can't make her grow up or be reponsible but I applaud your efforts to protect the child from her ill-will.
You could get her to relinquish her parental rights but this is a very difficult thing to do if she isn't willing to do so. My husband and I attempted to do this when she abandoned their daughter, but it was nearly impossble becauase she refused. She never visited or called even on holidays and the child's birthday.
She seemed to hang on only so that if things soured for her, she could try and pull the child back into her life to get welfare and/or child support.
I understand what your going through and it is really tough. Other than getting her to give up her parental rights, it's impossible to be rid of her any other way.
Good luck. Just keep supporting your son the best you can and don't be afraid to be honest with him. He knowes there is something going on so try and reassure him that it's not his fault.
God's speed.

Answer 10

Obviously MOTHER is selfish, cruel and heartless. Personally, if I didn't need her money, I would make a deal that as long as she left the child alone, I would not persue child support. If she attempts to get back in touch with the child, I would haul her butt to court every chance I got.

Of course, if the money is needed, then court it is, until she complies.