One of our two kittens got hit by a car last night, how soon should I tell my 4-year-old about it?

Question

She is already going through the learning process about death. I lost a baby and she talks about it a lot. An uncle just died recently and we went to the funeral. My husband already buried the kitten. I did not want her to see it. I did not want to see it either so he took care of it because he has buried a few cats and dogs when he lived in the country and they got shot.
She died a few minutes after getting struck. I do not want to wait until she asks about it. She has flushed her fish. I am just worried that she will not take it well.

Whenever my kittens died an I was little my parents or grandmother would tell me that. I do not resent it or anything, so I guess that is something I am considering.

I did not want to tell her last night because she is still so excited about her presents. Plus, she was eating supper when it happened. I think I will tell her when she wakes up this morning.

Answer 1

Tell her as soon as you can, do it with honesty and reassure her that you love her and you are proud of her listening and behaving in a manner that keeps her safe from dangerous activity, reassure her that we should all stay aware of dangers and that the grown-ups in her life will protect her from the same dangers, and ask her to say a simple prayer of thanks that she has people who love and watch over her all the time... actually this is only a guess, i have no children, but i do need those same reassurances, that i am safe and protected by those I love, because they show me love and understand how important family is in my heart, I feel secure in that all will be good, if I choose to love and not to fear. Good luck and keep loving the cats that have "allowed you" to be a part of "their" life...

Answer 2

Tell her the truth - that God has taken your little one up to be in Heaven and is now safe, happy, and playing with all sorts of other kittens and cats up there waiting for us all to be there. Our animals are in Heaven - so it's not a lie. For three years I have studied this and firmly believe it - as do many well versed scholars of The Bible.

Death is never an easy thing - for a child or an adult. At the age of 38 I lost the first cat I'd ever owned. She was 17½ and died of feline CRF. I took it very hard as it was only the 2nd time I'd ever faced death - the first being a stray I picked up just days before Halloween and later passed on after 9 years in my life due to a blood clot breaking loose and going to his brain. I was devastated. But once I learned that Gambit and WilyBeth, along with all the other animals I've ever met, are in Heaven waiting - it helped to ease my pain and suffering. A year later when my 3rd cat (Stormy) passed away it still hurt, but not nearly as bad as previously because of what I'd found out.

Just be honest. And if you are still having issues I suggest ordering a VHS or DVD called "Animals In Heaven?" from Jack Van Impe. I just received this before Christmas and before adopting a new kitten (now three cats are in my life) and it helped me so much to be at peace with the decision to have another little child in my life. You can locate it through a Google search for Jack Van Impe or check the link I'll post in the Source area. God Bless!

Answer 3

I'd take her out and talk to her about it. Show her the grave and offer to let her put a little marker stone on it and say prayers (I don't know what religion you guys are... but religion-friendly,or good words if you're athethists. =) ) over the little kitten. Let her tell her friend good bye how she wants,then let her cry if she wants. She's four,and if she's understanding death already,you're a damn good parent. Too many four year olds don't understand and it's so hard on them.

You've got a good husband,too.

Though I do have to suggest one thing: In the future,don't flush your fish. Not only can they clog sewage drains if they happen to get stuck (rare,but it does happen,then it's quite a bit of money for a plumber to come out) but they can corrupt machinery at sewage treatment plants,amongst other issues. Sometimes the fish isn't completely dead,either,and tossing them in untreated water is something like throwing yourself in a pool of bleach. It does kill them,but it's agonizing for the last few minutes of their lives.

The best thing to do with dead fish is to get a small spade (preferable with inches marks on it,they cost $3 or so at wal-mart,usually) and go down to about 2 inches under ground. The grave doesn't have to be large for a fish,and if you want,you can plant gardens over them to mark their graves (fish are extremely good fertilizer,so it's good for the plant and it's a nice way to remember where you've buried your fish). It's eco,child,and wallet friendly. =)

I'm very sorry about the uncle,the kitten,and that fish,too.

Answer 4

well.. u have to wait till the weakend so she doesn't have school or preschool or whatever... she's gonna want to cry and be alone for a while .. first of all you shouldn't have burried the cat.. you should have let her have a funeral... she would have wanted that.. anyway you should tell her it was a small kitten who is now happy and playing in a better place with uncle --- and that fish and other cats... stress that she is VERY happy and misses your daughter.. and tell her it's ok to cry... and tell her that she'll always be there, playing with her.. in her heart..
try to be strong then leave her alone for some time.. then take her out to buy a new cat a few days later..

Answer 5

I have 4-year-old twins, but I haven't had to deal with this yet. I don't know how they would take it -- they don't understand death at all. They think you just lay down for a while, and then you get back up, I guess.

My gut reaction is you should just go ahead and tell her now. I don't see what good waiting will do. It would be easier to understand what happens if it's a cat, rather than a person she is attached to. I bet she will ask to see it, though, so you have to be prepared to explain why she can't.

I'm glad you're thinking about telling her, instead of just saying gee, honey, I don't know where the cat went....

Answer 6

Children are actually more accepting of these types of thing than you might think. Gently tell her that her kitty wandered out of the house and a car accidently hit her. Tell her she has gone to "kitty heaven" (if you believe in such things) and that her kitty is still with her in her memory and heart. Do not hide the fact that these things happen, it will only make it harder on her. Show her were the cat is buried and say she can have a little 'service' for her cat if she wishes...

Answer 7

When I was younger and had a pet rabbit, my mother told me that he went to "live with the vet". Whenever we drove past the vets office, I'd ask about my rabbit, and she wouldn't give me anything other than what she'd already told me. As I grew up, I realized that my rabbit had in fact been put to sleep.

You could tell your daughter that the kitten ran off, but I'm sure she'd ask about looking for it or if it would be back. I think you should just be honest with her; that the kitty has gone to kitty heaven.

Answer 8

she should be told right away of course...
its a big lesson - you let a cat outside - it has a high probablity of being hit or killed some other way

if she were older and depending on the condition of the kitten I would say you should have let her see it so she could "say good bye"

as a lesson I hope you will keep the other kitten inside...


** telling a kid "it ran away" is a lazy parents solution.. its a lie and its a terrible one.. if a pet ran away a responsible pet owner would GO LOOK FOR IT.. so you also set the example of being a bad owner in addition to lying.. **

Answer 9

Never keep a death from a child. Don't lie and tell her it ran away. Tell her the truth. She wouln't take it well, but wouldn't it hurt you more to hear her ask when the kitty is coming home? Tell her that it was an accident, and if you'd like, even get another kitten, or let her pick out another pet. Let her understand the cycle of life;;that's what having pets is all about.

Answer 10

Just tell her that because the poor thing had careless and irresponsible owners, they had the kitten outside and got hit by a car. Then go on to tell her that people who really care about their cats keep them inside where they belong because that is what can happen when they're outside.