My girlfriend claims she was raped the first time she had sex, and the entire incident is kinda blurry in her memory when i asked her how/what happened ...when i asked her to tell me how it happened...she claimed she tried to blank it out of her memory, and when she tells me the "story", it doesn't make sense---its kinda fishy b'cos normally, you can't forget your first time, and a rape, im so sure its unforgetable.
And from there, if we try to have sex, she'd claim she wants to wait till she gets married. Another thing is, each time we fool around, and i finger her **** with one finger - my index finger, she claims it hurst because its tight.....i think thats a lie...people, she's almost 24..how tight could her **** be!!!?
We've been dating for 9months now, and i really do love her, but her stories are really questionable...i don't know her truth...what should i do...And I must also add that this is a long distant relationship.
Please poeple, what do y'all think
2006-12-28 02:45:57 · 38 answers · asked by davejones 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
you can't say you don't believe her story, what if the shoe was on the other foot? obviously she's not into doing anything intimate with you so i think you need to move on to sex and finger someone else. as for being tight, seems as if you don't know what you're doing b/c if you did know-she wouldn't be hurting.
Mom of B & D
2006-12-28 02:49:26 · answer #1 · answered by Mom of B & D 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
For one!!!!!!!!!!! Don't question something like that. If she is 24, a virgin in most sence, and complains about one finger. she is probably telling you the truth. Another note... the tightness is not determined by age but by how active she is sexually which if she is NOT active then she can be pretty damn tight! You said you "love" her. if that is true you have no reason to question her. you have to trust the people your in a relationship with and if you have made it this far without having sex then you should be able to make it even futher. Rape can truly change a woman for life. thats a terrifing experience that most men never understand! It can make any sexual contact scary as hell for the rest of your life. there are instences where some women do the opposite and want nothing but sex. but thats very well. speaking to someone with a little experience in this subject. its best if you just let her feel the way she wants and if you " Love" her stand by her an support her in this. Don't push for more than she is willing to give or you are not any better than the other guy. Remember he "Raped" her and that is TAKING WHAT SHE IS UNWILLING TO GIVE. So what makes you different when you push too? Be patient. show her you love her. Support her. Life will be more rewarding with her when she see's that she can count on you.
2006-12-28 02:57:40 · answer #2 · answered by crazy b 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe her story. Many women that were victim to rape try to block the memory of the incident. You need to be more considerate of what she's going through. If she hasn't had sex since then, she probably is very tight. Most guys don't understand it, but that is a very sensitive part of our bodies. If I had gone through what she went through I would probably react the same way. Try to be more understanding. Let her know that you are not that guy that raped her and reassure her that you will not hurt her. She probably feels like the rape was her fault and she is afraid to put herslef in that situation again. Please... I don't think that her story is fishy. Cool yourself down a bit. This relationship involves two people and her feelings should be considered as well. If you can't handle waiting until she's ready then do her a favor and leave her alone. Don't pressure her because that's not right and you may make her do something that she is just not emotionally ready to do. Good luck and God bless.
2006-12-28 02:57:19 · answer #3 · answered by TRUST_ME 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, when something dramatic happens to a person, yes, they can shut it out of memory as a defense system. Yes, the event can still linger. So for it to come back to her, yeah it could happen especially when you seek therapy, events are pulled from memory. As for the other half, i think it sounds like she may be a virgin. Girls can be tight, no matter what age. She hasn't had children. Some females have vagina's that are shape different. You love her, go online and research some of the medical abnomaties that females can be born with. I know it sound weird, maybe she could be telling the truth. She is however, hiding something.
2006-12-28 02:58:10 · answer #4 · answered by Rachel D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it, but maybe you should move on. If you don't want to do that and you want to work on it then I would suggest that you just go slow. If you are cool waitin till marriage to get some than what is the problem? I tcould be that she has trust issues or that she blames her self for the rape. Maybe she has never had sex and doesn't want to tell you that because she feels uncomfortable telling you the truth. Either way if you cool with waitin then stay around. If you tink that she is lieing or just doesn't want to do ant thing sexual with you there maybe a reason. LOongdistane relationships are hard enough as it is. maybe you could try phone sex.
2006-12-28 02:53:04 · answer #5 · answered by *♥Tarita♥* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, she's obviously nervous about sex.
If she has been raped, going into the details would be VERY painful, especially with someone she'e seeing. That's why she would pretend not to remember, to avoid having to delve into every detail, it must hurt so bad to remember the horror of rape that she just can't go there. I mean, helloooo???? How about exercising something called "sensititvity" and "understanding", you should find those strange and new words in the dictionary, look them up.
It's not a question of how tight her privates are, jeez I can't believe you question that! That's not the point, is it? She feels wronged every time she gets touched, and as you seem to have no idea about how to make her feel comfortable, but just stampede into her panties, I'm not surprised either she reacts that way.
The fact that she puts up with your total lack of care for her feelings, is an indication that she might well have been raped on her first time, as she doesn't seem to know respect from disrespect, what feels wrong and sad (your approach, like a 16 year old on his first time with a hooker) from what feels all right and relaxed (a mature man who would respect her wishes and feelings).
Well, I guess she's just unlucky to have you around, poor girl.
Good luck to her.
2006-12-28 03:07:13 · answer #6 · answered by greybamby 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Age has nothing to do with tightness down there. There are lots of muscles in that area. If she has not had sex in many years, those muscles will tighten up.
If you love her, then take it slow. A rape is a very tramatic event and can have lasting effects. You may want to consider some professional councling for both of you to find out if there are other issues that you may not know about. If she is still troubled by the rape, then counciling may help her better able to deal with those issues.
2006-12-28 02:56:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not unheard of for a person to block a traumatic experience from their memory....especially a rape. How old was she? Young??
Another thing is, if she's asking you to wait, then you should respect that....no matter what her "story" is.
If you really do love her, you will respect her wishes.
About the tightness....she could be tight as a virgin if she's never really had sex. This might be true, no matter her age. You also might not be as gentle as you think you are. Make sure your nails are manicured and treat her as if she were fragile. Maybe it'll help.
2006-12-28 03:17:28 · answer #8 · answered by Miz D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Horrible life experiences - like a rape for instance - can be "forgotten". It means that you can't consciously remember what happened but that your inconscious and your body still remember the trauma. The fact that her vagina is tight shows that she inconsciously refuses sexual intercourse. And marriage will change nothing to that situation because what she needs to relax and to go on having sex with someone - you in that case - is confidence. She needs to gain confidence in herself (the rape was not her fault) and in her partner. But you don't seem to trust her and the message you're sending to her by such a behaviour is that you are not supporting her. The biggest fear for a rape-victim who tries to tell her story is to encounter only disbelief. It is merely unbearable. The only thing you can do to help her is saying you believe her, saying that you think she should take help from a psychiatrist and that she should sue the rapist (which has obviously not happened yet) because this process will help her recover.
2006-12-28 03:02:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to think if you want this relationship to work or not. Truth or not, it's how she feels. She can be tight, different women stay that way, trust me I know. If you don't work her up right and she is dry, then it would hurt anyway. If ya'll are serious she should want to share her burden with you. It may be hard to talk about, but you have to be understanding. If it has went on this long though I would be concerned that she needs professional help and could a frigid wife. Make sure you know what you are getting into. Marriage won't change her attitude.
2006-12-28 02:50:53 · answer #10 · answered by dana j 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to understand that sometimes when people experience really traumatizing things, they try and push them out of their memory. So maybe it's that she would like to tell you the entire story, but can't remember it, or otherwise chooses not to. In this type of situation, it's best that you be as sensitive and understanding as possible. Being raped really could have affected the way she views sex. Maybe pre-marital sex still represents alienation to her, and she would rather wait to feel for secure. It is a little fishy that she still allows fooling around, but maybe she doesn't feel it's as extreme as sex itself. It's her right to want to wait, and I don't think that you should urge her to have sex right now if she doesn't feel comfortable doing so as she might feel that you are trying to alienate her.
2006-12-28 02:54:58 · answer #11 · answered by spontaneousishowiroll 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋