We tried this about 12 years ago. We both have matured, and we know what we want and that is each other. My children are 21,19, an 15. He has no children. We will wait until last one is graduated from school. I will have to find a job, and the south doesn't pay as much as the north, but I so much want to be his wife. He won't come to the north to live, and I don't want to go to the south, done that once, and ended up back here. Do I leave family, friends, job, church in the name of love? If I don't take my chances now, maybe they won't come along again!? HELP!
2006-12-28 02:28:58 · 22 answers · asked by Special K 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If you love him you have to give a little, if it doesn't work you can at least say you tried. Your kids are old enough to either come along or stay where they are at. You can make new friends, and get a new job, and a new church. Your family will understand too. Do what your heart tells you to do, not what you think everyone wants you to do.
2006-12-28 02:32:19 · answer #1 · answered by angel2005_2001 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are purposely very vague about everything. You have three children, but by whom? Twelve years ago? What's that? He made a play for you when your kids were 9, 7 and 3? Where was the father? Was the father your husband? You hint a lot, but have not come clean with the truth. Without it all, how can anyone advice you correctly? How is this for creating a story out of what little you gave us. You were married and had three kids. You met your current boyfriend and you moved to the south to be with him, when your kids were 9,7 and 3. Or you weren't married and dragged your three kids with you. Who knows? It didn't work out so you returned to the north. While in the north you matured and settled down: Job, church, friends. You are taking a risk to give up your life for this man on the hopes your life will improve. You tried that 12 years ago and it didn't work out. Why do you think the second time will be different? Oh, he is changed. Yeah right! My vote is to pass on this one. I believe you will be happier down the road.
2006-12-28 11:07:24 · answer #2 · answered by pshdsa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You`ve been there. It didn`t work. You believe you have matured and he has matured. Does it change the fact that you are not happy down South and he is not happy up North? Opportunity to leave everything for someone you care about but, to a place you can`t stand to be. With family in the North, and no one but your love in the South? You`ve about answered your own question. Read the negativities in your question. You came back North before. The pay is lower down South, however, I`m sure the cost of living is too. Would you be happy without your family, friends, church? Do you really love him that much ? If so, I don`t think there would be any questions!
2006-12-28 10:42:56 · answer #3 · answered by Starr H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are having to ask that question, then I say NO!!! I have relocated from my home to Oklahoma, Alabama, Georgia and now Arizona. I hate the heat and I hated all 4 places. My husband is in the army and I love him, and I am willing to put up with places I dislike for him. Now he doesn't have much choice as to where they place him, it sounds like this guy COULD move and find another job, I don't like that you say this guy won't come to you, or better yet meet you in the middle. Why should you have to move, but he isn't even willing to consider. Also, the south may pay less, but the cost of living is much cheaper, so in reality you make the same average, since it costs so much less to live there. Good luck. But I say neither of you sound willing to make a change and to me that is a big NO!!!
2006-12-28 10:33:41 · answer #4 · answered by Barbara C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you the one making all the sacrifices for the relationship? That shouldn't be so. But if you are hopelessly in love with this guy then I say move to the desert if you have to. We can't stay in one place all our lives. Your people will still love you if you move, and they will probably understand. Good luck
PS. even though the pay is less in the south, so is the cost of living. Money shouldn't dictate love
2006-12-28 10:39:48 · answer #5 · answered by charity16sand 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep the words of the vows in mind "for better, for worse, for richer, for poor" once you commit yourself to him alone you go where your spouse takes you, however, you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel. Perhaps both of you can come to a compromise about where you live.
Your kids are growing up and they will soon leave "the nest" to make their own life. You can continue your friendship with friends over the phone, IM and e-mail. Where ever you go you will make friends. Your employer may help relocate you to another suitable site where you can continue earning money and I am sure you will be able to find another church to attend to.
2006-12-28 10:36:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is one of those leap of faith things. Your family and friends and church will always be there, so god forbid, should this not work out, you will have them to come back to. But what if it does?? You will have a life partner, someone to share your days with. Someone to laugh and cry with. That is one of the greatest things you can do with your life. You did not say why he refuses to move. I hope that it is just his ties there and not that he is just being stubborn. I hope he understands what you will be giving up to go and cherishes you for it. I am all for giving it a try if that is where your heart is. If not, you may always wonder.......
2006-12-28 10:34:10 · answer #7 · answered by Smilingcheek 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say yes - but I'm on the other side of this equation. I want to move my husband out of here. ;) What about a compromise of moving somewhere in between or live there for 5 years and then come back?
2006-12-28 10:32:43 · answer #8 · answered by gijenni 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do what you feel is right for it to work y'all are going to need to compromise and work something out. Make sure if you give all this now he is willing to give on his part later! I am going to be moving to be with my husband when i get married and my mom can't stand the idea. But I love him and he already has a career there so it is just easier!
2006-12-28 10:38:29 · answer #9 · answered by teacuptiff86042002 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
love is great but what about when you are miserable,,will the love still get you through? you have to be honest with yourself about who you are and what you know will make you happy and what you know will make you unhappy,,he wont relocate,not a chance,why? isnt this the same love? he would find work and maybe you would too but work for what,,so you and he could be together but what about the rest,,the normal things people take for granted,,popping into a friends,seeing your kids,shopping in places you know,feeling 'at home',these things count,,what is important to you may not be important to him so he wont support your grief at leaving all you hold dear behind.you and he need to sit and have a real honest talk,you need to know what he feels life will be like when you go,,how he sees your days filled,,where he thinks you can replace all you have lost,if it pops in your head say it,,it is all relevant. your choices are going to be hard but they are your choices so make them well informed.
2006-12-28 10:40:10 · answer #10 · answered by lex 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋