I might be asked to be in a wedding I don't want to be in. Is it ok if I say no?

Question

My friend co-worker is getting married next year. I have this feeling she's going to ask me to be a bridesmaid. She's my friend at work, but out side of work we live different life styles. I would love to attend her wedding, but don't want to spend the money to be in it. Also, I don't want to leave my boyfriend alone at the wedding while I'm busy being a bridesmaid. He won't know anybody. What should I do? I don't want to hurt her feelings. Plus, I think she thinks we're closer friends than we really are. yikes....

Answer 1

Be honest tell her you would love to attend but let others participate.

Answer 2

YIKES, I was in two situation sort like this... I was in a co-workers wedding and one of the other girls I worked with said NO and it was a big giant fight. Another time, a friend of mine was getting remarried for the 2nd time and I said no because 1. I hate the man she was marrying, 2. I felt she was marrying the first loser that came along. 3. I didn't have the money. Well, I only told her the money part and she flipped out and uninvited me to the wedding. I don't speak to her anymore. Your situation is hard because you work with the person. I would just explain to her you don't want to be in the wedding and hope she is mature en ought to understand. The first story I told you about the co-worker was a mess because the girl didn't say NO right away and kinda took her time getting back to the bride.... cause she didn't want to deal with it. It's going to be painful so just do it like a band aid- direct and quickly!

Answer 3

Its ok to say no. Say that you do not have the expenses to be the best bridesmaid you can be, things are tight right now. Or use the excuse of I am too active in my family and church right now, I don't feel I have the time to commit to give you 100% as a bridesmaid should... then kindly offer to help with any other aspect of the wedding like... If you need help with getting a rehearsal dinner, or picking out flowers or anything!

Thats how I got out of one no hurt feelings just tagged along every now and again to show I cared, but did not have the time or money.

Hope this helps!

Answer 4

It's perfectly fine to tell her no. Just say "I really appreciate being asked. But right now, at this point in my life, I don't have the time or money to be a bridesmaid and be a help to you. I think it's better if I turn down your offer now, rather than have to back out later."

Answer 5

I never had to deal with this(i've been a bridesmaid and a bride) so I will give you my best advice.

First, if you think she will ask you, politely say that you have other commitments and you wouldn't be able to help her as much as a normal bridesmaid would. I was a bridesmaid once and it seemed like as soon as I said "yes", I had to commit myself to engagement parties, bachelorette parties, rehearsal dinners, bridal showers, it's not just the wedding day itself. Plus, the bride picked a dress for $140, plus shoes, gloves (yuck), hair and makeup- I must've spent $300. That was before her gift for the shower and the wedding gift. What a nigithmare.

I just got married in May of this year and I asked my sister in law and my soon to be sister in law. I was very understanding with them having gone through the above mentioned disaster. I picked a reasonable dress (tea length summer dress they could easily wear again to another event) for less than $100 and said I didn't care what they did with their hair and shoes. We held one massive bachelor/bachelorette party for everyone in the wedding party over the age of 21 (soon to be sister in law is only 16, but we're close). My sister in law loves to plan parties, so she took the reigns of the shower, even though I said it wasn't needed. I was not a bridezilla in the least.

So, I suggest to tell your friend that you just can't commit to all the responsibilities of a bridesmaid, but that you wouldn't mind helping out where you can. Maybe you can help her lick and stamp the invites or tie the little cards and ribbons on the reception gift (we did those jordan almonds with our names and a date on the card).

Answer 6

This is a hard situation because usually when the bride asks you to be a bridemaid, you have to say yes. I'm not sure she will ask you based on you saying you lead separate lives out of the office. I, too, have made the mistake of thinking a co-worker was a friend when she was really just being nice and cordial. Wait until you find out for sure, but more then likely you will just be a guest.

Answer 7

Just tell her how honored you are that she asked but you don't think you'll be able to be the best bridesmaid she deserves because of things going on in your life.

Then say but I hope you'll invite me and if there's anything else I can do to make your day beautiful let me know.

Answer 8

tell her that you are flattered at her asking you but you would rather not, or you could get creative before she asks you. now follow me closely, you start talking to her one day and you make up an imaginary "friend" who just asked you to be her bridesmaid and you go on to explain how you have no interest in being involved in a wedding because it is too costly and you don't wanna leave your loser boyfriend alone because he lacks the social skills to have a conversation with strangers. GOOD LUCK

Answer 9

If you know the date of the wedding just say you already have plans for that day---you are going out of town, it's a parents anniversary, etc....etc....However then you will not be able to go even a guest to keep up the lie.....Good luck!!

Answer 10

suggest an even closer friend of hers to be a bridesmaid, someone who kinda makes you look like a not-so-good choice...