Not a huge problem in itself I know. Part of life and all that. The trouble is he has been told he is to be a father of this girl's baby. He is confused and I am worried how this will all turn out for him. He usually handles tough situations by drinking way too much and also resorting to pot. How do I help him without being overbearing?
2006-12-28 01:55:00 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I have an 18 yr old son myself and I have asked questions like this in the past. All you can really do at that age is be an ear for them. Listen, add advice where needed and hope that one day it will sink in. It does, in small doses and from what I am told by those with 20 something children they had the same worries early on too. Good Luck.
2006-12-28 02:02:25 · answer #1 · answered by Reisnoh 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Short answer check him in to rehab if he's doing that at 17 regardless... for the other problem get a paternity test. If it's his.. well he's gotta man up, get a job while finishing school.. probably be the hardest thing he'll ever have to do. As far as being overbearing.. this is a bad situation that involves a baby a 17 year old father to be and drugs and alcohol while underage... i mean reality is people do this.. but as a mom it's your job to stop it... you can't control what he does but you sure as hell can control what happens to him... so don't worry about being overbearing... not being overbearing enough got him to spin out of control at the age of 17.. now lace up your boots and do what you think you need to do to get your son back on track. right now he's spinning out of control if he's having a baby at 17.. and using drugs and drinking to deal with stress.. don't worry about being overbearing... because if your not tough... the path he's on will just get worse for him..
2006-12-28 03:30:53 · answer #2 · answered by Bitter Sweet 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him calmly. Ask him his feelings on the matter and what he plans to do next. Point out to him that he's going to need to keep a clear head in the next little while, so booze and pot need to go.
In dealing with him, it's all going to be about the approach. A 17 year old isn't a kid and he isn't an adult. If you come across as too preachy or demanding, he's going to tune himself right out. If you can send the message to him that you and he are in this together it will be much easier for you to guide and support him without him rebelling.
As for Mrs. Robinson, you might want to let her know that your son is needing some time to adapt to this new situation and that she had better keep her distance for a bit. It would also be an excellent idea to find out if the baby is really his. She may have been boffing other teenagers during the time she was seeing your son.
I wish both you and your son good luck.
2006-12-28 02:10:50 · answer #3 · answered by castle h 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all why is he dating an older woman? I guess that's what created the problem in the first place. At this point, he needs your advice as a parent, don't be hard on him just talk to him and see what he thinks of this situation. Maybe he's not the father of the baby.
2006-12-28 02:06:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to him that it might be hard to deal with, but drinking and drugs are not the way to go. If he has doubts about truly being the baby's father, then suggest a paternity test. Also, he might need some kind of therapy to deal with this. I'm not going to say that this will be an easy time for him, but he can get through it.
2006-12-28 02:00:51 · answer #5 · answered by tinkerbell24 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if he is the father of the girl's baby he is going to have to support it. No use worrying until there's something to worry about, if you know what I mean. She may not be pregnant, she may not (God forbid) have the baby, it may turn out to be someone else's. It's important to keep communicating with your son. Not suggesting things, or telling him what he should do (unless he asks), but make sure he knows you will protect and support him.
If you're lucky, they'll get back together and then they can rent the trailer right next door.
2006-12-28 03:34:35 · answer #6 · answered by Rachel M 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, he first needs to understand that he doesn't have to marry her. he can still be a dad no matter where she is or the baby. he needs to figure out how much he wants to be involved.
he's a daddy now, so he needs to step up to the plate financially and emotionaly.
he needs to dig in help out and not waste money on stuff like booze and pot.
i wish you luck. since he is still 17 then i would recommend taking his paycheck and giving him an allowance and the rest needs to be put away for the baby. then, once he is 18 maybe he will be adjusted to the situation and realize that you were helping him and keep up with this allowance.
good luck. it'll be tough
2006-12-28 02:15:19 · answer #7 · answered by joey322 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, I have read answers to this. Where were you when he started dating an adult? Okay. If, and I mean if, he is the father of this baby, he has an obligation to it. Help him deal with the fact he is a dad now. Take away the booze. You can be held responsible for his drinking by being jailed or having him removed from your home. Same with the drugs. If he fights you on it, call the cops. He needs to learn to take responsabilty for his actions.
2006-12-28 03:12:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes loving your child means you have to step back from the "unconditional accesptance" deal, and hold the boy responsible for his actions.
I can assure you your son is headed for a broken life. Dead-end jobs, bouts with drug and alcohol abuse, children with different (also dysfunctional) mothers and 40 years of blaming everyone else for his problems.
His child will grow up resenting his dad for his lack of participation in his life, lack of support money, etc. He'll end up repeating the cycle--drugs, loser jobs, etc.
As the real Adult in this situation, you must stop trying to be your kid's buddy. He may never deal with his problems, but if he never hears that its unacceptable, then he'll never change on his own.
2006-12-28 02:21:54 · answer #9 · answered by chocolahoma 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow...sorry but overbearing doesn't cut it. You need to put a foot down! That's insane, he's 17 and you know he's drinking and doing drugs and you don't want to be overbearing? he's 17, not 18 you still have the reins, use them!
2006-12-28 01:58:55 · answer #10 · answered by Desiree D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋