Should I be mad at my X for not bringing presents?

Question

Our kid is 4 years old.He doesn't like his dad too much.I tried to let him visit with him.Thing is, he doesn't come around often so we don't call him.It seems that he only comes around if his mother comes in town.I never stopped him from seeing the kid. For Christmas, he didn't even call or come by to give presents.Last year he did.I don't expect anything from him. I've been more that good to him by leaving him do what he do.And being too nice by letting him have him when he calls but that's not often (may-be 2 or 3 times a year).The last time we heard from him was Nov. 5(his birthday) & he told me 2 call him when we get back home & we didn't but that still shouldn't stop him from calling.I moved on a long time ago & I feel that he's jealous of the new guy I have.But he has a girlfriend & been since we broke up(she will never have kids w/him b/c she was married b4 & had 3 kids & tied her tubes).This may B the only child he'll ever get. What's his problem? He does pay child support.

Let it be known that I don't bad mouth his father at all...I smile and hold conversations with him when he does come around...I be too nice! I always ask my son if he wants to see his daddy and he tells me nooooo!!! and scream...

Answer 1

I am a single Father... Very Proud Single Father. I have two boys 4 and 2yr old. I am so sick of deadbeat Fathers... because of these losers in the world I have had to fight the courts and fight for my given right to be in their life more than a visitation. I have stood in line at a fast food restaurant and had older women turn and say "Baby sitting for Mom today?" Or be at the grocery and hear- "I think it is nice you help Mom by shopping..." I know the intention was to be pleasant but, YOU DON'T BABYSIT YOUR OWN CHILDREN and There are GOOD SINGLE DAD's in the WORLD. The bigger question should be-- Should you be upset with your ExHusband for being a void in your childs life period..... The answer is this: Presents are materialistic.... a Fathers present to his child is to be there in his/her life to lead by example... to be intouch with the childs inner feelings and spirits. The void the 'poor excuse of a man' is leaving is only affecting your child even more.... The EX is helping to screw up your child's mental and emotional brain cells... He only pops in when it is convenient for for the EX.

At this point, you need to be responsible for what is being presented to your child... (not kid- kids are billy goats) Your child is being set up to fail and is given false hope. The loser EX pays child support- that isn't his only obligation. At this point, your EX should not have any visitation because he is only hurting the child by popping in when he wants to visit...not when the child needs his father. Forget Presents.... Do your child a favor and hug them, love on them, lead by example, and remove them from becoming a screwed up adult.

Answer 2

He is still a child himself. He has NO clue how important it is for him to have a relationship with his child. He sounds like a very selfish person. However, it is not your responsibility to facilitate that relationship. You should always allow your child to see him when he does come around, but there is no reason you should call him and beg him to spend time with him.

Be a good mother to your child. That is all you can do. At some point, your son will develop his own opinion about his father and the things he has done (or not done). DO NOT talk bad about his father, and always remind your son that his dad loves him. If you don't your son will end up with self esteem issues, and you don't want that.

Good luck to you!

Answer 3

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Answer 4

unfortunately for some the effort of actually putting effort in is too much,,you cant make someone a good parent all you can do is hope one day they will realize what they have missed while they were off doing something they considered a better use of their time,,it happens,some fathers break their backs to see their kids and some never even send a card,,stinks doesnt it!

Answer 5

Your main concern should be your son. Don't worry about your ex. You should provide for your son. Give him a good Christmas from you. Sometimes it takes men longer to figure out what they are missing, and your ex will wise up and realize he missed out on his son. Kids have a way of knowing what to expect from their parents, so just be there for your son, and give him your time and love.I have two sons and they are the love of my life, and I always provided for them, they knew from an early age I am always their for them, and I always gave them good Christmases. Good LUck!!!

Answer 6

My mom felt it was more harmful to me to have my father in and out when it was convenient for him and so she told him either in or out and for many many years he chose out. I was angry with him about all of this, but we have resolved all of this and our relationship has been building over the years. I think that I would demand he take a more active stance in his son's life or just not be in it. Good luck and God bless you all.

Answer 7

You can call him up and explain that if he does get something for the child, it will improve their relation. He has to break the ice between father and son and the best way is to get the child something of his choice.He should not be jealous as he has a girlfriend.

Answer 8

he sounds screwed up. maybe that's why you tossed him out. the new GF may be telling him to pay more attention to his current family and not to spend their money on your kid since he is paying child support I'm sure she feels he is giving you enough.

a new woman can really screw with a guys head. in fact women are professionals at messing with peoples heads.

let it go. maybe next time he calls ask him if she thinks he is paying too much in child support and that's why he didn't come by with a gift at christmas.

Answer 9

If your son didn't miss anything and it didn't upset him, I don't think you should be. As your so gets older, just explain the bestyou can without badmouthing dad and the rest will fall in to place.

Answer 10

Hi, my son is 25; we both went through many years ago what you are going through now. I understand how hurt you feel and how silently angry you are, but you have to remember that the relationship that your son and his dad have is theirs. No matter what happens there will always be a relationship between them, good or bad. We all have issues with our parents - they either didn't do enough or what they did do wasn't what we wanted or needed. It is really hard to know what your son is really feeling, he may say that he doesn't like his dad very much, but secretly he loves him and when he sees how angry you are at his father, that makes him feel bad for loving him. My son told me many years later that all he wanted to do was to make us (his dad and I) feel better, so he told each of us what we wanted to hear. Your son may not like his dad, because he thinks you don't like him. If you try to control their relationship by trying to make his dad be something that he is not, it will only hurt the relationship that you have with your son. I don't ever remember putting my son's father down and never made excuses for him. I just told him that he would have to talk to his dad about it, the next time he saw him. I focused on making my son the best person and man he could be. Kids know more than we give them credit for and they pick-up on more than we know. Your anger and hurt belong to you, and your relationship with his father belongs between the two of you and it is on a level that your son will never understand - your son could never understand your pain, all he knows is that it is wrong to love his dad. The quality of time is sometimes better than the quantity, and my son always wanted to see his dad, no matter how much time had passed, no matter how many times we sat on the front porch step for him to not show up. Sometimes my son made up stories that he was on a secret mission and he was working really hard to see him. Your son's dad is very, very important to your son and many years from now they have to have the chance to mend what is getting broken now, If your son grows up hate-ing his dad, they will never have that chance. It's your X's job to have a relationship with his son. I always asked myself, if my husband and I were still married, we still loved each other and he worked long hours and was away all the time on business, and never hand the time or the money to buy gifts or spend time with our son, how would I respond when my son asked the hard questions; I always found myself answering that question with love and respect; your father loves you and he wishes he could be here with you, you are very important to him, don't ever forget that. Please don't get me wrong, it was very, very hard to get through those tough times, but I didn't want the anger and hatred for my X to change my son any more than the divorce had already. I always told myself that if it wasn't for my husband and I being together - I would never have had the chance to know my son. I wouldn't trade my son for anything in the world. For that I thank my X and anything other than that, doesn't really matter. Remain focused until successful is what I always tell myself - I remained focused on my son, his happiness and being the best mom I knew how and now 20 years later, my son is healthy and happy and he finally has a good relationship with his dad. Through all the hard times, we shouldn't forget that we all have pain that we have to get over and we all handle it in different ways, maybe your X isn't in your son's life like you want him to be, but maybe he is doing the best he can. Best of luck! and love and happiness to you and your son as you look forward to a new year. Minnie