Christmas letter from X boss who I haven't heard from in 2 years, write back?

Question

I got my ex boss's Holiday Newsletter before Christmas. You know the one where she recounts the details of all the wonderful travels she and her hubby have had, all the births in the family yadda yadda.

Now the twist on this is that I was diagnosed with breast cancer, an aggressive form in 2005. I went through 50 some odd weeks of chemo, surgery, six weeks of radiation etc. . . she was included on some "chemo updates" and the original diagnosis email sent to friends and colleagues.

She NEVER sent one email: "Sorry to hear that" or any such. Not a card, not a phone call. . . and then three weeks ago I get an email asking for updated address so she can send me this info. . . which makes the newsletter self serving like "I don't care to hear from you, but here's what's going on with me." I am interested to hear what people would do. Write back? Ignore her? What would you say? (I'm obviously working through my thoughts on this.) Thanks!

Answer 1

I would ignore your boss and forget about he or she and just focus on yourself. Negative people in your life are never good for your health.

Answer 2

Well, her sending you the letter indicates that she is at least interested in having some contact with you. Life just gets busy sometimes. I know that I definitely don't keep contact with all of my friends sometimes -- I'll go for weeks thinking, "I should write her an e-mail or call her," but it sometimes takes a long time. But that doesn't mean that I don't care. I suspect that is true of you sometimes too. I'm guessing that she already had the letter written up and sending a copy to you was a way that she could quickly reach out to you, but she may have been thinking of you for some time. Perhaps this is her way of reaching out and trying to let you know that she is interested in you. For me the Christmas letters that people send out are not so much about letting people know about them as simply wanting to share with people they care about. Could you perhaps see that as that kind of a gesture? And then respond however you feel would be appropriate.

And, by the way, I'm very sorry to hear that you had to go through the experience of breast cancer and the ensuing treatments, etc. I've never had the experience myself but I can only assume that it's a difficult and lonely time. Best wishes for your life ahead.

Answer 3

I have some family members like that.....so very self absorbed that it's impossible for them to imagine the thoughts and feelings of anyone else in the world.

Just ignore her..even if you did write a letter all about yourself, she'd probably get through the first line or two before it went in the "circular file". People like that don't change, and even when you try and try to make them understand, they never will. It will ALWAYS be about her. Just be thankful she's a former boss, and you can separate your lives more easily than if she were your aunt or grandmother..people you have to see all the time. You don't need people like her in your life.

And, my thoughts are with you as you battle such an unyielding disease, but perserverance is the key. Don't let this selfish cat get on your nerves, concentrate on those around you who really care...even perfect strangers like us.

Answer 4

First of all CONGRATULATIONS! It's nice to hear of so many women who are fighting and WINNING against breast cancer! If you or your family needs anything in the way of help, info, support, counceling or anything you should contact your American Cancer Society at 1-800-ACS-2345 or www.cancer.org.

That being said, cancer is SCARY. Most people don't want to think about or even talk about it, which is one of the things that cancer survivors and their families are fighting to change...AIDS was scary until people realized you could only contract it in a very few specific ways. Diabetes, more often than not runs in families, and often can be controlled or even staved off with diet and excercise. Cancer however, is random. Anyone can get it, even without a family history. There is no way to ensure you don't get it, and there is no cure. Most people seem to go one of three ways when confronted with a friend, family member or co-worker who has been diagnosed...

1. Uber Involvement - These folks go all out, rallying everyone they know, and recruiting those they don't to do every Making Strides Against Breast Cancer and every Relay For Life walk they can reach. They plaster the internet with pleas for signatures, and find themselves on a first-name-basis with their congressman/woman working on advocacy for more funding, more reasearch and more education for and about cancer. (This valient crusader can sometimes be a pain in the butt...especially if you really didn't want to be the community rallying point, and would've rather napped than been dragged out to a spaghetti dinner in your honor)

2. The Ostrich Manuver - This person would rather not face the pain, fear and vulnerability that cancer can reveal. They try to ignore the problem, because they either:
a. are trying not to make the newly diagnosed feel "weird",
or
b. they're freaked out too, and don't really know how to deal with the news that someone they know and in some cases are really close to might die.

3. China Doll - The thing I hated most about being diagnosed (skin cancer), was people suddenly acting like I would break. I hated seeing the pity in people's eyes, like it was all over but the funeral...Little did they know that most of them were told of my diagnosis AFTER I had the surgery and was being tested to make sure that they had gotten it all and it hadn't spread...Parents' were way overprotective thinking that their kids could make me sick or tire me out too much...it felt more like they didn't want them to "catch" my cancer. People I didn't even know would stop and stare at me in the store, only to start talking once I passed them...it was....annoying to say the least.

Her sending you this newsletter might be the first tentative steps in trying to reconnect with you...she probably just ran into a mutual aquaintence and found out that you're ok. She might be truly sorry that she didn't stay in touch with you, and ashamed that she bailed on you when you most needed friends. Send her an email letting her know you recieved her newsletter. Tell her you're excited about all the good news in her family, and give her an honest update about your condition, and let her know how YOUR family is doing. If she writes back, she was truly trying to reconnect.

Answer 5

Ignore it, she is one of these people that has a mailing list a mile long and forgets who she keeps up with or not.

If you respond with anything, take the high road, sarcasm (as some suggest) isn't called for. She is guilty only of being out of touch and maybe not knowing how to reposnd to your health issues (lot of people get nervous about other's illnesses, especially cancer).

Be the bigger person, laugh it off, you, more than most, know that life is too short and precious to worry about social gaffes.

Answer 6

I would email her back a response. Yes, it was very nice to hear of your blah, blah, blah. I would like to take this chance to also let you know and give her details of your health and how well your doing. In a kind way let her know how self serving and selfish she is. That is horrible. Maybe she will respond with she never got the email. Or perhaps it will help her to be a more compassionate person in the future. Good luck to you and God speed in your recovery process. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. God bless you****

Answer 7

If you are really interested in re-opening the lines of communication with her, then write back & see what happens. My personal take on this is that she mass-mailed her letter & you were just on the mailing list. If she wanted to stay in regular contact with you, she would have done so before, especially in light of your health issues.

Answer 8

You are in a position to choose to either shut someone out of your life or include her. If you shut the person out, because of your resentment of her, you have not harmed her, nor have you won any sort of victory. If you include her in your life, you may have expanded your number of friends. I would think it more valuable to do the latter, since holding on to resentments harms no one but the person holding on.

Answer 9

I'd have to contact her to let her know that her 'sincerity' is so farcical that you thought you should bring it to her attention. She sounds so far up herself that she really needs to get a grip.

I sincerely hope that you are recovering well after your treatment and hope it is successful........... best wishes

Answer 10

ignore he was probably just nice for the holidays