Live-in BF of 2 yrs says he wants a cooling off period to reacess our relationship?

Question

He says that he loves me, but that we have lost the "passion". He doesn't want me to leave, but is not sure if necessarilly wants to spend teh rest of his life with me either...I have sinced moved into our guest bedroom, but he still tries to come in and sleep with me. What should I do? Financially I have become dependent on him, so just walking away is not an option. I gave up my apt., changed jobs, and sold my car to drive and pay for his...I have nothing!

Answer 1

So, change jobs again, get get another apartment, and buy a car. Financial dependency is not a reason to stay with someone.

And giving him fringe benefits of sleeping with you when he doesn't want the long term commitment is not in your best interest emotionally. You don't need that kind of garbage from a jerk like that.

He is not worth the grief. You deserve having someone who is as committed to you as you are to him. Get out as soon as you can...........even if it means staying with family or a friend for a short time until you get on your feet again.

Don't become financially dependent on anyone again until you know for sure you have your lifetime mate...........and even then I would think twice before giving up my financial independence. Anything can happen in life, and you should always be able to make it on your own if something should happen to your partner.

Good luck. I really hope you get on track and do well for yourself. :)

Answer 2

I understand what you are saying, but not necessarily what he is saying. If the passion is gone why is he trying to sleep with you.

A so called cooling off period would mean that the physical contact is also off limits. If you've moved into the guest bedroom this is a serious matter.

Ask him just how far he wants to take this. Should you start looking for an apartment for yourself or better yet HE should since he wants this cooling off period. If you have to get a second job, and I hope the car he is driving is in both names since you are helping him pay for it. If not see what you can do about getting this taken care of.

And you do have something you have the courage to get out there and start again. Whatever you do, do not let him know what you just said that you have nothing. If you did he may take more advantage of you then he already is. He may have other relationships outside of you and him and know you'll be there because you are stuck with no options. You know that is not true start taking the steps to gaining back your independence.

Start with asking him to not impose on you for his sexual needs when only he wants it. Tell him you'll be locking your door.

Tell him you will be starting to save money and not paying for his car, and that you BOTH will be shopping for another car for you.

Finally, tell him that you help him look in the rental ads for an apartment for him, and start making a list of what household items he would like to split between the two of you.

Whatever you do, do not sit back and wait for him to start dating while you two still live together.

Answer 3

It sounds like he wants to have things only his way. A good relationship is a two-way street, and sometimes you have to yield. Did you happen to mention the "M" word that scares lots of guys? (marriage) You may be able to calm his fears by sitting down and talking things out. Let him know how you feel, and hopefully he will do likewise.

It takes some balls for him to tell you the relationship has lost the passion, and yet he still wants to get passionate. All long-term relationships ebb and flow. Together the partners must find a way to smooth thing out or spark things up now and then.. Has he been distancing himself from you in other ways?

Just in case it comes to separating, you better start getting your own finances in order. Until you are actually married, it might be best for you and the bf to keep finances segregated as much as possible. Tell him that while you will pay your fair share, you can no longer pay for his car and cover his expenses. You have to start saving for your own car and possibly an apartment. Did you like your previous job and was it better paying? If you parted on good terms you may be able to get back in there. Every woman, whether or not she's married, should have some finances, and a plan, of her own, just in case something happens. No woman should ever have to say, "I have nothing."

Do you have a girlfriend you could move in with during this "cooling off period"? Maybe even just visit for a weekend, now and then. It might help both you and the bf to actually spend time away from each other.

Check the Yellow Pages or local newpapers for a woman's group which offers help to women in situations similar to yours. While they are usually designed for women going through divorce or from abusive type situations, they may still be able to help you.

Good luck, I'll say a little prayer for you.

Answer 4

This is a hard lesson learned. You gave up everything for this man to only realize that he is no longer what he once was. He wants to break up with you but it sounds like he is feeling guilty about all that you have given up. Do not sleep with him anymore and move out with a friend or family as soon as that is a possibility. At this point he feels he can still have the sex and then break up with you. That is being a total user. Learn from this experience that you really shouldn't live with your boyfriend but rather just date them. Less heartache this way if they break it off.

Also in todays world we must be financially dependent on ourselves and no one else. I have a boyfriend but yet I have my own apartment, own car, own money. This leaves me with an out whenever I need one. Slowly start building back your finances and work towards keeping financially dependent. Once you are financially dependent stay that way no matter who you date.

Answer 5

First- you should never become fully dependent on anyone! You should always have a stash for a rainy day or a situation like this. Talk to him and see exactly what "passion" was lost. Trust me, anything worth having is worth fighting for and if you love this man you have to fight for him! Make him understand what you are going through and let him know that he is not the only person in this relationship. Your feelings matter as well and you should not have to sit on "pause" while he tries to figure out if he wants to be with you or not. He should not control your destiny! You can also be taking this time to determine if you want to be with him. Please try to work with him if it's worth it. If not let it go and move on to the next. Good luck and God bless!

Answer 6

This sounds like the simple case of a guy wanting his cake and eating it too. He doesnt want you to leave b/c you are a certain type of security he also doesnt want you to leave b/c you are a consistent piece of ***, and alot of men just have a hard time letting go. They dont want you but dont anyone else to have you. I would play his little games. (stay in the guest bedroom) but you need to find an alternative route to moving out. 2nd job to save money, cut back on some type of expense thats not needed. or if you ask him for 100 save 50. give yourself sometime and a goal of when its good to leave. and as far as a car there are alot of people out on public transportation. You have to think of everything as temporary but most importantly you need to start saving some cash. Like if you save 100 month for 6 mos. where will that leave you enough for furniture? find an apt. that has a deal 1st month rent free that way your not paying for eveything at once. or live with a roomate.

Answer 7

Sweetheart! I have been in the same position. You have everything you need. You just don't see it. Dump him fast! You will be amazed at how much you can accomplish is a short time when you really have to. I left my ex without a job, dependable car or any money and bills to pay and kids to support. Almost three years later I have almost finished college, have a great job and a car and can support myself. You can find the strength you need. He is playing this stupid game because he knows you are dependent on him and he thinks he has control.

Answer 8

You might want to start positioning yourself to be able to take care of yourself financially to be on the safe side. I would definitely start saving money for an emotionally rainy day or for a another vehicle, and start asking around to some CLOSE friends if you can have a back up place to stay in case he wants you to leave. Things may even work out, but as a woman, you need to always look out for yourself, because one day can be sunny and beautiful and the next day can be windy and rainy.
(Self Preservation)

Answer 9

You better start looking for a new place to live because your man is basically telling you that he doesn't want you anymore. He will keep trying to have sex with you because that's his human nature. He is a man afterall. You need to understand that what he's telling you is that he wants someone else. When a man says he's lost the passion, he wants to find it with someone else. I hope you are not too dependent on him because he's going to kick you out very soon if you don't go willingly. Good luck and GOD bless.

Answer 10

He is slowly trying to break off the relationship with you. He knows you have given up a lot for him and that is why he just can't cut off the ties quickly. With him saying this is like giving him permission to go out and date other people without feeling guilty. Don't sleep with him during this "cooling off" period. He is thinking he can have you and others without feeling bad and he is using you for a live in sex mate. Get a job and in the paper people are looking for roommates or get a room for rent until you can get a place of your own.
Relationships always has its ups and downs and it is the relationships that survive the downs that makes it 40+ years together!