should i have an affair with a taken guy?

Question

I dont feel well about this,i've never cheated and i never thought it could happen to me to get involved with a guy already in a relationship..we r staff members so we live and work in the same place...and so does his girlfriend that shares his room.she is really unpleasant,nobody can stand her,me included,so i understand why he is looking for some nicer woman...but not why he is still in a relationship with her..convenience maybe?we have been great friends since working together,we have many things in common and get along great..at some point something changed and the physical attraction came in.he came twice to my room at night,leaving his girl in bed asleep...we kissed and staff like that.
i enjoyed those moments 'cos i really like him and feel so comfy around him...
now we r on holiday far apart and he is still texting me,saying that he misses me but also that he is hoping to finish what we started,just fun and relax....im a good girl,i like him but i want love.what do i do?

Answer 1

The only reason to do this is if you want no-strings-attached sex with this man on his terms.

He said it himself - what he wants from you is for the two of you to finish what you started. In other words, sex. While his girlfriend is asleep in the other room.

You are right to be having second thoughts. Don't try to hide your morals from yourself by making excuses about how she's a real cow and doesn't deserve him, or how you don't owe her anything, or even about how you deserve to be loved*. All these things may be true, but what you're thinking of doing is wrong for you because it goes against your moral standards, and you know it.

Stay strong, and don't let this idiot take advantage of you! And most importantly, do not lie to yourself and try to convince yourself that it's all OK because YOU are using HIM. No, you aren't. You will get attached, involved and hurt. He will get his end away and walk off smiling.

*(after all, why is it fair that this nasty girl gets a steady boyfriend and not you? Nah... remind yourself what SORT of a boyfriend she has. The sort who sneaks off to have sex with other girls before getting back into bed with her. Do you want one like that? I think not.)

Answer 2

then you should wait... If you fall for him now there is a good chance that you will never get him! If he has both, he will never change. But if he really does like you like he says, and really is tired of the B**** that he is with, then maybe he should make the decision of whether he wants to stay or go. Dont incourage a man that you like to cheat, because once a cheat always a cheat!!! you know the golden rule!! be smart! Just tell him that you really are interested and you really like him and would love to be with him, but you would wrather wait until things are on the right track and you both are single to start a relationship!

Answer 3

She is a *****, right. Well, i think that maybe you should tell him that you really like him and think that you would be willing to further approach the idea once he is back on the market. With guys who are already in a relationship you have to be careful that it could just be a booty call. And yes they are persistant. If he really is into you and she is losing his interest, then he would end the relationship if he wants a piece of you. We all want that special feeling, but at what price and how much of it willl we regret later!

Answer 4

Absolutely not. No way. Not even a little bit. It's a really terrible idea. The fact is (and this is a FACT) - if the girl's as bad as you say she is, then he needs to grow the bollocks to end things with her before starting on something else. It could be that he's the perfect guy for you, but remember, when Alanis Morrissette said 'It's like meeting the man of your dreams, and then meeting his beautiful wife', she forgot one small detail - the man of your dreams wouldn't be married!!!

Answer 5

First you don't want to be the reason that things broke off with his girl friend. you possibly are all ready to involved to much, from now on i wouldn't proceed with anything else until he lets go of his g/f cause you know what they say "once a cheater always a cheater" (sometimes not always true) I would definitely play it safe! and then after the brake up go in for the kill. Good Luck

Answer 6

OK, he left her in bed to come see you,,,,,,Does that not say it all????? Why would you want to be with someone that is dis-honest???? LOOK,,,,,if he truly was that UNHAPPY,,,,he would leave,,,,it is not convenience,,,,it is called having both your cake and ice cream too.....He is a cheater,,,,,and obviously a liar,,,,,and why if you are such a nice girl,,,would you want to be with him,,,,you deserve to be with someone that can be yours forever,,,,not just when their girlfriend is in the bed,,,,let me guess,,,he complains to you all the time how mean she is,,,,how she fights with him,,,,she bit**es all the time,,,,she never wants to do anything fun,,,,unless it is something she wants to do,,,,she isn't that attractive to him anymore,,,,BLAH BLAH BLAH,,,,honey,,,,you are being played for a fool and you don't even know it,,,,,If she wasn't that nice,,,,and wasn't still giving him some,,,,he still wouldn't be their,,,,people cheat on their partners for all sorts of reasons,,,,he may like certain things about you that maybe in some way remind him of how she used to be and that is why he is so attracted to you,,,,but I guarantee if you do anything with him on a more physical level,,,,you will be alone more than you are with him,,,,he will go back to her,,,and he will beg for her forgiveness,,,,they are together for the holidays,,,,RIGHT???? He is not over her,,,just trying to get the attention he no longer feels like she gives him,,,,if he truly was over her and all about you,,,,,he'd be with you,,,,You said you really like him,,,,and you would be with him if you could right???
Shouldn't he feel the same way???? It is not that she is in the way,,,it is that he CHOOSES TO STAY WITH HER BECAUSE HE STILL CARES FOR HER OR SHE WOULD BE GONE,,,,AND IF HE IS REALLY ONLY KEEPING HER AROUND FOR CONVENIENCE,,,THAN THAT MAKES HIM EVEN MORE OF A TERRIBLE PERSON TO DO THAT TO SOMEONE THAT CARES FOR HIM, AND THAT HE CARES FOR,,,HE SHOULD BE HONEST, AND JUST LET HER GO ON AND HIM BE WITH YOU,,,,HE CAN KISS YOU AND WANT TO FINISH WHAT YOU ALL STARTED,,,,BUT HE CAN'T LEAVE HIS RELATIONSHIP NOW AND BE HONEST TO YOU AND HER,,,,,,,,WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU HONESTLY,,,,,HE IS PLAYING YOU BOTH,,,,,AND YOU ARE TO BLIND TO SEE,,,


sometimes in life we tend to want something so very much, that we forget what it is we were looking for and we settle,,,I honestly think if you decide to fool around with him,,,you will be letting yourself down, and your self-respect,,,he is wanting you to do something that you know will hurt someone else,,,regardless if she is a Bit**ch or not,,,,and you seem like a very intelligent person,,,and I honestly would like to know,,,


ARE YOU GOING TO BE THIS UNDERSTANDING WHEN HE DOES THE SAME THING TO YOU WITH HER,,,,OR SOMEONE ELSE??????


I'm not trying to be mean but sometimes a person on the outside looking in can see a whole lot more than the people on the inside.....

I wish you the best of luck,,,and I hope you make the right decisison,,,,I think if it was meant to be ,,, you wouldn't be sooo confused as what to do,,,,,

you deserve better of someone,,and yourself,,,

Good Luck,,,
Daphne

Answer 7

You should make sure he ends it with his girlfriend before taking things any further. Out of respect, whether or not you like the girl or not, you need let him cut things off with her. You wouldn't like if if your man was playing you out. You should also ask yourself if he's someone you are going to be able to trust. If he cheated on his gf he might cheat on you as well.

Answer 8

To be honest with you babe if he liked you so much he would have dumped his girlfriend along time ago.
It sound like he wants both of you, his girlfriend for security and you for some fun on the side.
If you really like him then tell him to dump his girlfriend and be with you, if he cant do that then back-off cause he is so not good enough for you babe.
Good luck xxx

Answer 9

You tell him that you can't do stuff like that with him. Especially because he is in a relationship. If he will cheat on his girlfriend, then he will cheat on you. If he waits and breaks up with her before yall do anything then he might be worth giving a chance. Do not cheat because it is not worth it.

Answer 10

No because if a guy is prepared to have an affair with you he is not worth seeing in the first place.