Ediquette for a New Years Eve Party?

Question

Hi I have a good friend who is throwing a sushi party New Years Eve. The Evite stated that the cost was 25.00 a person. The dilemma was I don't eat Sushi so I opted to go to dinner first and emailed her stating we are going to a dinner first then will come by about 10 pm so Do not order Sushi for my family. It was not the cost. 25.00 a person is very reasonable for Sushi, much less then we will spend at the steak house. She called me yesturday saying well then what are you saying? That you do not want to stioll give me the 25.00? I was taken back by that seeing that she was only requiring it due to the ordering of the sushi. She said it was not fair to the people who had to pay if We did not. I was saying yeah but we are not eating we are going to a steakhouse first and will come full. She said it was my choice not to particiapte in the Food activities she offered . Its SUSHI ( many people do not eat it) Let me know how I should have or could have handled this please

I would also like to add that in the course of our conversation I said well I was planning on bringing a case of champaign. The next thing I knew she updated the evite saying that only donations will ba accepted and there is no longer a fee, then she emailed me and asked me to bring the case of champain so she did not have to buy any. Well at this point I do not want to even go but I feel if I back on now even though I told her on the phone Its just easier if I do not come at this point. She said its not fair if we don't pay but the others have too. I said the difference is we are coming after (long after dinner) and bringing beer a case of Good Champaign etc... I don't want to go but feel that If I don't go they will be more mad at me.

Answer 1

I fully agree with you. If the $25 was for the Sushi dinner, then you should not have to pay if your not going to be there for it. She also shouldn't expect you to provide champagne for everyone just because you mentioned that you were bringing some. She should purchase snacks and drinks herself, as well as make it b.o.y.b. That way, everyone will be happy. If you want to share what you brought, then go right ahead, otherwise keep it to yourself.

Honestly, if you don't want to go, then don't go. If you do, you'll probably be in a bad mood, uncomfortable and won't have fun.

I would tell her that unfortunately, you won't be able to attend. If she asks why, then let her know. If she gets upset, then she gets upset. Either way, she was in the wrong.

Answer 2

Your hostess is not someone that can take a hint. You need to make things very clear to her. Let her know you don't like sushi and that that is why you are going to the steak house. You can let her know that you wanted to see her and that is why you wanted to come to her house after your dinner. Offer to either chip in for alcohol or to bring some along.

If after all this explaining your hostess still wants the $25 I just would make other plans. That would not be how a good friend should act and in my opinion an apology from her would be in order. No one should be made to pay for food they don't want. She would be very narrow minded indeed to expect everyone to like what she likes.

Honestly, I'd start making other plans so you have a plan b to fall back on.

Answer 3

If you were allergic to fish, what items would she have ordered to accomodate you?

Many people drop by as a courtesy to say "hello" during the season due to overscheduling.

I'd let a few days pass and call her again, stating that you'd like to drop by after your dinner and understand her dilema (although you don't, you can be gracious) but $50 (or $100 or whatever the cost would be for your family) is steep for cocktails and non-sushi items--is there something you could contribute to help her defray the cost of a party that might be slightly beyond her means. (OK I'm evil, that's where you stick it to her.) Perhaps you all could bring four bottles of champagne for the midnight toast?

Perhaps she'll see the point. Perhaps not. Good luck

Answer 4

Sounds like my ex-wife! Forget the party. It's clear that your friend's primary concern is money. She probably budgeted all her party expenses (not just the Sushi) based on everyone giving her $25 and now she may have to come out of pocked a few bucks. That's the spirit of the holidays, right? That should tell you somethig about the person you consider a good friend. A real friend, and someone with manners, should not even mention the issue. You're absolutely right in your view of the situation. Your friend is wrong. What you do is up to you.

Answer 5

This girl has no clue. It is one thing to charge for the party food(at least she told everyone up front -- even still it is a bit tacky) but it is entirely another thing to charge for the food when one isn't even going to be eating the food AND you are offering to bring your own (and extra) drinks.

I wouldn't even bother going at this point. Just go enjoy your steak dinner and go home to enjoy your champagne in the privacy and comfort of your own home (then you don't have to worry about driving or anything either!). Regardless, she is WAY out of line on this, especially since the "entrance fee" is no longer required... that makes it sound like she was just out to make a couple of bucks on the party, got caught, and is now trying to change her tune.

Answer 6

My goodness! Your hostess is requiring you to pay for your food and drink? And this was by e-vite? Bow out of the evening altogether. Tell your gracious hostess that you are terribly sorry, that your significant other has already accepted an invite from family and you can't come.
One should never ask guests to cover the costs of a party, IMHO. She should have a smaller party which she could afford to throw, or less expensive fare.

Rebecca

Answer 7

Wow, the only thing that amazes me more than your friend's obnoxious behavior is you not knowing when to say thanks but no thanks. She is clearly a manipulative person and there is absolutely no way that this party will turn out as anything more than an unpleasant chore. Gracefully back out, enjoy your steak dinner and make alternative plans for the rest of the night. She isn't going to be pleasant or nice regardless what you do, so you might as well have a nice night rather than be a pawn in her manipulative games.

Answer 8

With an attitude like she has, I would give the party a skip altogether. I don't know who throws a party, and asks you to pay at all. Very bad taste. I would make other plans, and tell her not to worry about you and your 25.00, you won't be there.

Answer 9

If she's a friend worth keeping then you should go to the party. some people get a little stressed when planning a big event. (Especially when charging guests to attend!)
Next time you have a party I hope you don't take after her!

Answer 10

Frankly, I would tell her to take a hike. Invite me to a party, charge me $25, and then make me feel guilty for not wanting to eat sushi?

She doesn't sound like a good friend to me.